As of today, I have only seven radiation treatment sessions remaining. Yesterday, I had an appointment at the Urology Oncology clinic, which turned out to be not particularly informative. However, they did let me know what to expect after the treatments are completed. First of all, they explained that immediately after the course of treatment is finished, we will not know whether it has been effective on the cancer. Second, my PSA may not come down for several months or even as long as a year. Furthermore, this part of the process will be followed in RTU by the Radiation Oncologist who will eventually release me back to the Urology Oncology clinic for long term monitoring. That clinic will look for any sign that the cancer has returned.
Personally, I have full confidence that I shall completely recover and become a cancer survivor. I have survived so many other things in my lifetime already. There is no reason that I should not survive this as well. I have even bought a T-shirt at a thrift shop already that says “I am a cancer survivor.” I fully expect to be just that.
In coming weeks, I look forward to recovering from the radiation therapy side effects. As soon as I am over the fatigue that has plagued me I plan to take two bikes and make my own recumbent bicycle out of them. I already have the plans for how to do it. Then I shall start riding it to get some exercise. That, together with using fat free protein shakes as substitutes for some meals, can be the start of my personal weight loss program. My primary care physician has agreed that it is a good plan. The reason for the recumbent bicycle is that I won't be ready to straddle a regular one for some time after the cancer and the radiation treatments, if ever.
Furthermore, I have so much work that needs to be done around my house and in my yard. Inside the house I need to make preparations for having a kitten. That is something for which I am looking forward with great expectation. After the death of my cat I have felt such loneliness in my home, but I know that having a kitten rather than an adult cat will require certain changes in the house.
In addition to that, there are so many things that need to be done to the yard. The weeds have thrived and the shrubs have gotten shaggy and the Turk's caps have grown so very tall. Those as well as other things require some attention, but I haven't had the energy to even avail myself of the help that friends have offered for this. When my energy comes back, I shall again work on such things even if they require help from younger folks.
The other things that I've missed because of fatigue are the activities at the Dharma Center. I really look forward to that, especially the upcoming teachings in February. I've missed seeing my vajra brothers and sisters. Furthermore, there have been teachings offered nearby with other groups that I haven't been able to attend. However, I look forward with great expectation to celebrating Vietnamese New Year at their temple and Kaleisia Tea Lounge this weekend.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 21 – I Don't Want to Go
This morning I felt and thought, “I don't want to go.” This isn't the first time that I have harbored that sentiment. Each time I find something that keeps me going. It is a little like my pilgrimage to the Wat Florida Dhammaram when I was circumambulating the last of the four shrines. I was getting very tired, but I could tell myself, “Just a little longer. Just a little farther.” Thus I was able to keep the minimum I had set for myself in my pilgrimage.
I guess this is the lesson in perseverance that is contained in this present journey. Today, as I thought about the lady who was going out of her way to drive me to my treatments these three days, “How can I disrespect the gift she is giving me?” This enabled me to get ready and meet my friend when she drove up here.
As long as I persevere in this “Journey,” I will reach its proper end and even grow spiritually by it. Not only that, but I might benefit other beings as well. Besides that, perseverance is essential to enlightenment. If one quits before enlightenment is attained, one will be forced to continue to be reborn until one again has “precious human life.” Furthermore, such a rebirth is rare and even then will require starting over on the path, if indeed the path is found and not wasted with useless endeavors like acquisitiveness. Within my memory is a previous lifetime during which I became a Tibetan Buddhist monk, but I have no idea how many intervening centuries have passed since then or how many rebirths I have been through in that time. Nevertheless, I have found my way back this path, albeit very late in this lifetime. It would be so foolish to waste the remaining time that I have to either achieve enlightenment or to prepare for my death in such a way that I may attain it either in death or in the bardo. In such a case, any rebirth would not be the fruit of karmic seeds planted in this lifetime but rather the Bodhisattva's choice to benefit all sentient beings.
As I said, I went on to my treatment today. On the way, I read to my driver from a humorous list, “What Doctors Say And What They Really Mean.” I also shared this with one of the other guys also waiting for his radiation treatment. As a witchy friend recommended that I watch comedy movies, I have found that there is value in humor when going through what could otherwise be a bleak and depressing experience. Our attitude and perspective has everything to do with how we experience the events of our lives and what we do with them. I have often said that the difficult, painful, trying circumstances of life can either tender or harden our hearts, whichever we choose. I think I would rather grow in compassion rather than indifference or hostility.
My treatment today went uneventfully, as expected, except that for the second day in a row five physical positions rather than six were used on the linear accelerator. It does seem that an adjustment has been made to my radiation therapy. Furthermore, today's treatment puts me over ¾ finished with with the whole course of these sessions. On top of that, I shall be enjoying the rest I get over this three day weekend. Perhaps I can get my truck back on the road tomorrow and even have energy to help rebuild the sweat lodge at All World Acres the next day.
In the coming week, I will have another test of my perseverance with respect to a very long day when I'll have an early morning appointment with Urology Oncology and still have my afternoon appointment for treatment. Even the day before that won't exactly be easy, because I will have to go in for fasting labs before the radiation therapy session, allowing time for a meal, with a Primary Care appointment as a follow up to my last hospitalization. Since my sister is accustomed to the VA Hospital, I'll try to drive myself with her accompanying me. For someone unaccustomed to it the place can be a bit much for a whole day or even half a day. I'll contact my friends about helping with some of the other days that remain.
Tonight I am even practicing perseverance in keeping up my intake of healthy mushrooms, broccoli, and miso broth in the form of my enhanced Ramen noodles. For the sake of not forgetting everything I have ever learned, I am even eating them with chopsticks to whatever extent I am able. However, I'll need to either drink the broth or use a spoon. My green tea is Long Jing (Dragon Well) tea which I have shared with Achi Chokyi Drolma as a tea offering for the benefit of myself and all sentient beings.
I guess this is the lesson in perseverance that is contained in this present journey. Today, as I thought about the lady who was going out of her way to drive me to my treatments these three days, “How can I disrespect the gift she is giving me?” This enabled me to get ready and meet my friend when she drove up here.
As long as I persevere in this “Journey,” I will reach its proper end and even grow spiritually by it. Not only that, but I might benefit other beings as well. Besides that, perseverance is essential to enlightenment. If one quits before enlightenment is attained, one will be forced to continue to be reborn until one again has “precious human life.” Furthermore, such a rebirth is rare and even then will require starting over on the path, if indeed the path is found and not wasted with useless endeavors like acquisitiveness. Within my memory is a previous lifetime during which I became a Tibetan Buddhist monk, but I have no idea how many intervening centuries have passed since then or how many rebirths I have been through in that time. Nevertheless, I have found my way back this path, albeit very late in this lifetime. It would be so foolish to waste the remaining time that I have to either achieve enlightenment or to prepare for my death in such a way that I may attain it either in death or in the bardo. In such a case, any rebirth would not be the fruit of karmic seeds planted in this lifetime but rather the Bodhisattva's choice to benefit all sentient beings.
As I said, I went on to my treatment today. On the way, I read to my driver from a humorous list, “What Doctors Say And What They Really Mean.” I also shared this with one of the other guys also waiting for his radiation treatment. As a witchy friend recommended that I watch comedy movies, I have found that there is value in humor when going through what could otherwise be a bleak and depressing experience. Our attitude and perspective has everything to do with how we experience the events of our lives and what we do with them. I have often said that the difficult, painful, trying circumstances of life can either tender or harden our hearts, whichever we choose. I think I would rather grow in compassion rather than indifference or hostility.
My treatment today went uneventfully, as expected, except that for the second day in a row five physical positions rather than six were used on the linear accelerator. It does seem that an adjustment has been made to my radiation therapy. Furthermore, today's treatment puts me over ¾ finished with with the whole course of these sessions. On top of that, I shall be enjoying the rest I get over this three day weekend. Perhaps I can get my truck back on the road tomorrow and even have energy to help rebuild the sweat lodge at All World Acres the next day.
In the coming week, I will have another test of my perseverance with respect to a very long day when I'll have an early morning appointment with Urology Oncology and still have my afternoon appointment for treatment. Even the day before that won't exactly be easy, because I will have to go in for fasting labs before the radiation therapy session, allowing time for a meal, with a Primary Care appointment as a follow up to my last hospitalization. Since my sister is accustomed to the VA Hospital, I'll try to drive myself with her accompanying me. For someone unaccustomed to it the place can be a bit much for a whole day or even half a day. I'll contact my friends about helping with some of the other days that remain.
Tonight I am even practicing perseverance in keeping up my intake of healthy mushrooms, broccoli, and miso broth in the form of my enhanced Ramen noodles. For the sake of not forgetting everything I have ever learned, I am even eating them with chopsticks to whatever extent I am able. However, I'll need to either drink the broth or use a spoon. My green tea is Long Jing (Dragon Well) tea which I have shared with Achi Chokyi Drolma as a tea offering for the benefit of myself and all sentient beings.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 20 – More About Treatment Progress
Since I first started radiation treatments, each day's dose was divided into beams of a brief duration from six positions. Apparently my case went back to the physicists for some fine tuning based on the latest X-rays, because today's session only had five positions. It feels like we have the cancer retreating and we are pursuing it to keep it from finding any hiding place. I realize that this is a very unscientific way of looking at it, but science isn't everything.
I chose to follow the course of “scientific” medical treatment, complemented and enhanced by alternative therapies. However, there are also those who pursue alternative treatments totally and successfully. I have a friend who has had several forms of cancer which have been treated with a “Rife machine.” Although “medical science” rejects the principles behind the device, my friend has again successfully recovered from this latest cancer. Others have followed Ayurvedic or Traditional Chinese Medicine treatments which have worked for them.
I personally believe that all the medical systems work, whether Ayurvedic, Traditional Chinese, Western Allopathic, Western Osteopathic, Western Homeopathic, Western Chiropractic, and so on. Regardless of their widely divergent theories to explain disease and the basis of their treatments, they all are successful in treating diseases and disorders. However, each system has its own range of effectiveness. In other words, each one has certain things that it handles well and other things that it can't seem to touch. Furthermore, I believe that the fundamental theories underlying and explaining each of these medical systems are totally irrelevant, because the true nature of reality is different from what we believe it to be.
There are so many indicators pointing to this truth. Physics and other sciences talk about the “observer effect” whereby the act of observation will make changes on the phenomenon being observed. Psychology speaks of the subjective nature of perception. In quantum physics, the Heisenberg uncertainty principle states that the values of certain pairs of conjugate variables (position and momentum, for instance) cannot both be known with arbitrary precision. In astrophysics we have the “holographic theory” of the universe. In Tibetan Buddhism we have the principle of “karmic vision” whereby beings who share a common karma also share similar perceptions.
In the sciences one new theory succeeds another,each seeming to be the ultimate truth. Nevertheless the limits of each theory are reached and new discoveries point to the next theory. However, as Sogyal Rinpoche writes, “A realized being, or a buddha, will perceive the world as spontaneously perfect, a completely and dazzlingly pure realm. Since they have purified all the causes of karmic vision, they see everything in its naked, primordial sacredness.”
All our theories are fabrications of limited value. For the most part they serve to satisfy the needs of our ordinary mind, what Tibetans call sem. According to Sogyal Rinpoche, “Sem is the discursive, dualistic, thinking mind, which can only function in relation to a projected and falsely perceived external reference point.” It is this that needs such theories. Nevertheless, it is this ordinary mind that we seek to transcend to find the true nature of mind in enlightenment.
I chose to follow the course of “scientific” medical treatment, complemented and enhanced by alternative therapies. However, there are also those who pursue alternative treatments totally and successfully. I have a friend who has had several forms of cancer which have been treated with a “Rife machine.” Although “medical science” rejects the principles behind the device, my friend has again successfully recovered from this latest cancer. Others have followed Ayurvedic or Traditional Chinese Medicine treatments which have worked for them.
I personally believe that all the medical systems work, whether Ayurvedic, Traditional Chinese, Western Allopathic, Western Osteopathic, Western Homeopathic, Western Chiropractic, and so on. Regardless of their widely divergent theories to explain disease and the basis of their treatments, they all are successful in treating diseases and disorders. However, each system has its own range of effectiveness. In other words, each one has certain things that it handles well and other things that it can't seem to touch. Furthermore, I believe that the fundamental theories underlying and explaining each of these medical systems are totally irrelevant, because the true nature of reality is different from what we believe it to be.
There are so many indicators pointing to this truth. Physics and other sciences talk about the “observer effect” whereby the act of observation will make changes on the phenomenon being observed. Psychology speaks of the subjective nature of perception. In quantum physics, the Heisenberg uncertainty principle states that the values of certain pairs of conjugate variables (position and momentum, for instance) cannot both be known with arbitrary precision. In astrophysics we have the “holographic theory” of the universe. In Tibetan Buddhism we have the principle of “karmic vision” whereby beings who share a common karma also share similar perceptions.
In the sciences one new theory succeeds another,each seeming to be the ultimate truth. Nevertheless the limits of each theory are reached and new discoveries point to the next theory. However, as Sogyal Rinpoche writes, “A realized being, or a buddha, will perceive the world as spontaneously perfect, a completely and dazzlingly pure realm. Since they have purified all the causes of karmic vision, they see everything in its naked, primordial sacredness.”
All our theories are fabrications of limited value. For the most part they serve to satisfy the needs of our ordinary mind, what Tibetans call sem. According to Sogyal Rinpoche, “Sem is the discursive, dualistic, thinking mind, which can only function in relation to a projected and falsely perceived external reference point.” It is this that needs such theories. Nevertheless, it is this ordinary mind that we seek to transcend to find the true nature of mind in enlightenment.
Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 20 – The “Golden Hour” and Treatment Progress
In Emergency Medicine, particularly Trauma Care, there is often talk of the “Golden Hour,” the first hour after the injuries, during which the efforts of emergency staff have the greatest potential benefit. I have my own version of the “Golden Hour,” the first hour or more after each treatment during which I cannot feel any particular effects of that treatment. For that period of time I don't have any new skin, urinary, or hemorrhoid irritation. After that I have to deal with them and to continue to be grateful that I don't have any worse side effects. Since I'm now almost ¾ of the way through my course of treatment, that is a cause for gratitude.
Since I started treatment, every week new X-rays are taken and I see a radiation oncologist, but I don't get any information on the progress of my treatment. They never tell me whether my tumor has changed. I can understand the matter of protocol that requires that the doctors who sent me for treatment would be the ones who inform me about my case. However, today my treatment was delayed for the oncologist to check the X-rays that were taken yesterday. I had to press the techs for the reason for that delay. They had to admit that the doctor had to approve the slight adjustment to the treatment necessitated by my prostate shrinking a little. I do realize that this still needs to be further explained by the Urology Oncologist that I'll see next week, but it is very encouraging.
I feel like there are a lot of us working on my recovery from this cancer. I'm working on keeping the best frame of mind for healing and keeping up healthy nutrition. My sister is trying to keep my meals healthy. My friends who are Reiki practitioners or other kinds of energy healers have worked on me directly and are sending me healing energy. On top of this Tong Ren practitioners have worked on me. Furthermore, I have people who are praying for me and vajra brothers and sisters dedicating their practice for my health. With all of this on top of the traditional treatment how could I not be getting better?
Since I started treatment, every week new X-rays are taken and I see a radiation oncologist, but I don't get any information on the progress of my treatment. They never tell me whether my tumor has changed. I can understand the matter of protocol that requires that the doctors who sent me for treatment would be the ones who inform me about my case. However, today my treatment was delayed for the oncologist to check the X-rays that were taken yesterday. I had to press the techs for the reason for that delay. They had to admit that the doctor had to approve the slight adjustment to the treatment necessitated by my prostate shrinking a little. I do realize that this still needs to be further explained by the Urology Oncologist that I'll see next week, but it is very encouraging.
I feel like there are a lot of us working on my recovery from this cancer. I'm working on keeping the best frame of mind for healing and keeping up healthy nutrition. My sister is trying to keep my meals healthy. My friends who are Reiki practitioners or other kinds of energy healers have worked on me directly and are sending me healing energy. On top of this Tong Ren practitioners have worked on me. Furthermore, I have people who are praying for me and vajra brothers and sisters dedicating their practice for my health. With all of this on top of the traditional treatment how could I not be getting better?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 19 – My Pilgrimage
Yesterday I again went on pilgrimage to the holy places of Lord Buddha Shakyamuni's life. I was able to visit the Vihara Maha Mayadevi, built in commemoration of the Buddha's birthplace in Lumbini Nepal, the Mahabodhi Temple of Bodgaya India, the Dhamekha Stupa of Sarnath India, and the Parinibbana Temple of Kusinara India. Most wondrously I did this all in less than one day, without even leaving Florida. Such a moving spiritual experience is made possible because Wat Florida Dhammaram has constructed replicas of the sacred places of pilgrimage in honor Lord Buddha as they are found in India. Therefore, by riding with friends from my home in Plant City to Kissimmee, I was able to make prostrations in the main temple of Wat Florida Dhammaram and then go to each of these shrines.
I knew my energy was limited. Therefore, I planned course which should be within my capabilities. After prostrations, mantra recitations, and a short meditation in the main temple, I first went to the Vihara Maha Mayadevi where I made prostrations, recited the mantra for one round of my mala, and spent an interval meditating while gazing at the statue of the Baby Buddha. I had next intended to circumambulate the giant statue of the Walking Buddha, but I decided that I needed to conserve my energy to be able to complete the remainder of the pilgrimage. Therefore, I went next to the Mahabodhi Temple where I first went in to make prostrations and lit incense and then circumambulated the shrine chanting the mantra for one round of my mala. Although I might have liked to make a certain specific number of circuits of the shrine, I thought it better to regard the one mala round as the minimum time spent circumambulating each shrine. After that I went into the shrine, made prostrations, chanted one mala round of the mantra, and spent a little time meditating while gazing at the Buddha statue.
Next I went to the Dhamekha Stupa where again I first went inside to make prostrations and lit incense and then circumambulated the shrine chanting the mantra for one round of my mala. After that I went into the shrine, made prostrations, chanted one mala round of the mantra, and spent a little time meditating while gazing at the Buddha statue. Although I had intended that my pilgrimage visits proceed uninterrupted, my bodily necessities forced me to make a trip to the rest room before continuing.
Finally I went to the Parinibbana Temple where yet again I first went inside to make prostrations and lit incense and then circumambulated the shrine chanting the mantra for one round of my mala. This time, however, I had to push myself to complete the circuambulations by telling myself, “Just a little longer. Just a little farther,”each time I felt like quitting. After that I went into the shrine, made prostrations, chanted one mala round of the mantra, and spent a little time meditating while gazing at the Buddha statue.
At this point I was too fatigued to go back into the main temple, but had to rest a little while before leaving. Although my body was quite tired, I was very invigorated in spirit and even found energy to go with my friends when they went into a couple of the stores nearby. While my friends, a pair of lesbian ladies young enough to be my daughters, wanted to go to an Indian restaurant, I persuaded them that we should drive on into Orlando both because I doubted that my stomach could tolerate Indian food right now (no matter how much I might want to eat it) and because I wanted to introduce them to some cool places in Orlando. Therefore, we ate lunch at Dandelion Communitea and afterward went to visit the Knowledge for Spiritual Living Wholeness Center and the Spiral Circle Bookstore. Unfortunately, Knowledge for Spiritual Living Wholeness Center was already closed for the day, I suspect, because the children's event in the afternoon had worn out the adults involved, just like these children were wearing me out in spite of my thoroughly enjoying being with them. Perhaps I should have followed one lady's lead when she was sitting at one of the picnic tables outside, because they had a water fight after the meal. Much to the credit of Dandelion's staff and clientèle, they didn't throw us out or even seem to pay any attention to us.
We then went to the Spiral Circle Bookstore which I believe impressed the ladies, especially when I told the how long the store had been there. There I bought a little incense and a bar of Ayurvedic soap like my friend Marybeth had given me. We then went looking for a store called Avalon. After much driving around and several phone calls, we found it one street over from Dandelion Communitea. Avalon is a Pagan/Wiccan store with books, crystals, herbs, oils and so much more. There I bought a little more incense, because they had one I like that I don't often see. After that we went to an art supply store called Sam Flax that one of the ladies had seen. There, inspired by the thought of getting back to drawing like I did when I was much younger, I bought a unique felt tip pen and brush combination. Hopefully, I will put it to good use. Perhaps I can make little cards with inspiring Tibetan words on them.
Finally, we started back toward Plant City where quiche and rice pudding awaited us at my sister's house, but we had one more quick stop at a store selling Chinese herbs. At this point fatigue had overwhelmed me and I waited for them in the van. By the time we got to my sister's house, we were ready for a little supper of quiche and a dish made from brown rice and quinoa, followed by rice pudding with fruit in it.
When they were leaving one of the ladies thanked me as she had done several times during the day. Again I tried to explain to her that there was nothing for which she should be thanking me, but I had so much for which I thanked them. Together they had given me such a wonderful day. Once again, it seems that this “Journey” is not for myself alone, but for the benefit of others as well.
I knew my energy was limited. Therefore, I planned course which should be within my capabilities. After prostrations, mantra recitations, and a short meditation in the main temple, I first went to the Vihara Maha Mayadevi where I made prostrations, recited the mantra for one round of my mala, and spent an interval meditating while gazing at the statue of the Baby Buddha. I had next intended to circumambulate the giant statue of the Walking Buddha, but I decided that I needed to conserve my energy to be able to complete the remainder of the pilgrimage. Therefore, I went next to the Mahabodhi Temple where I first went in to make prostrations and lit incense and then circumambulated the shrine chanting the mantra for one round of my mala. Although I might have liked to make a certain specific number of circuits of the shrine, I thought it better to regard the one mala round as the minimum time spent circumambulating each shrine. After that I went into the shrine, made prostrations, chanted one mala round of the mantra, and spent a little time meditating while gazing at the Buddha statue.
Next I went to the Dhamekha Stupa where again I first went inside to make prostrations and lit incense and then circumambulated the shrine chanting the mantra for one round of my mala. After that I went into the shrine, made prostrations, chanted one mala round of the mantra, and spent a little time meditating while gazing at the Buddha statue. Although I had intended that my pilgrimage visits proceed uninterrupted, my bodily necessities forced me to make a trip to the rest room before continuing.
Finally I went to the Parinibbana Temple where yet again I first went inside to make prostrations and lit incense and then circumambulated the shrine chanting the mantra for one round of my mala. This time, however, I had to push myself to complete the circuambulations by telling myself, “Just a little longer. Just a little farther,”each time I felt like quitting. After that I went into the shrine, made prostrations, chanted one mala round of the mantra, and spent a little time meditating while gazing at the Buddha statue.
At this point I was too fatigued to go back into the main temple, but had to rest a little while before leaving. Although my body was quite tired, I was very invigorated in spirit and even found energy to go with my friends when they went into a couple of the stores nearby. While my friends, a pair of lesbian ladies young enough to be my daughters, wanted to go to an Indian restaurant, I persuaded them that we should drive on into Orlando both because I doubted that my stomach could tolerate Indian food right now (no matter how much I might want to eat it) and because I wanted to introduce them to some cool places in Orlando. Therefore, we ate lunch at Dandelion Communitea and afterward went to visit the Knowledge for Spiritual Living Wholeness Center and the Spiral Circle Bookstore. Unfortunately, Knowledge for Spiritual Living Wholeness Center was already closed for the day, I suspect, because the children's event in the afternoon had worn out the adults involved, just like these children were wearing me out in spite of my thoroughly enjoying being with them. Perhaps I should have followed one lady's lead when she was sitting at one of the picnic tables outside, because they had a water fight after the meal. Much to the credit of Dandelion's staff and clientèle, they didn't throw us out or even seem to pay any attention to us.
We then went to the Spiral Circle Bookstore which I believe impressed the ladies, especially when I told the how long the store had been there. There I bought a little incense and a bar of Ayurvedic soap like my friend Marybeth had given me. We then went looking for a store called Avalon. After much driving around and several phone calls, we found it one street over from Dandelion Communitea. Avalon is a Pagan/Wiccan store with books, crystals, herbs, oils and so much more. There I bought a little more incense, because they had one I like that I don't often see. After that we went to an art supply store called Sam Flax that one of the ladies had seen. There, inspired by the thought of getting back to drawing like I did when I was much younger, I bought a unique felt tip pen and brush combination. Hopefully, I will put it to good use. Perhaps I can make little cards with inspiring Tibetan words on them.
Finally, we started back toward Plant City where quiche and rice pudding awaited us at my sister's house, but we had one more quick stop at a store selling Chinese herbs. At this point fatigue had overwhelmed me and I waited for them in the van. By the time we got to my sister's house, we were ready for a little supper of quiche and a dish made from brown rice and quinoa, followed by rice pudding with fruit in it.
When they were leaving one of the ladies thanked me as she had done several times during the day. Again I tried to explain to her that there was nothing for which she should be thanking me, but I had so much for which I thanked them. Together they had given me such a wonderful day. Once again, it seems that this “Journey” is not for myself alone, but for the benefit of others as well.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 18 – My “Just in Case” Bag
A few years ago I was having such trouble with cellulitis in my left leg that I often had to go to the VA Hospital to see a doctor for an unscheduled visit. Sometimes I would have to be admitted to the Hospital to be put on IV antibiotics. This happened often enough that I started packing and taking what I called my “just in case bag.” I would have a change of clothes for discharge time, plenty of underwear and socks, books and other things to pass the time and maintain my spiritual practice, and sometimes even my laptop. There were intervals when the bag would stay mostly packed for weeks at a stretch. Fortunately, I haven't had to do this for a while.
Today, I got an early start on the day's activities because when I woke early, although it was early, it was also too late to go back to sleep without risking oversleeping on a day that I was supposed to arrive early for my treatment. Therefore, since my check was already in my account, I sat down to the computer and paid my bills and then set out to run my errands before the drive to the Hospital. I even treated myself to a grits-and-eggs breakfast at a local restaurant where I last ate over thirty years ago. The morning progressed very well with me getting a lot done very efficiently, even managing to find an almost new tripod at Goodwill for $3.09. With my long-standing prostate problems and my newer radiation side effects, one of the keys to such an expedition is keeping myself within reach of clean rest rooms along my path. In fact, the stop at Goodwill was for just that reason.
This morning, as I said, was going very well. I had reached the point that I only had two more stops before I would head to the VA Hospital for my treatment, but I again had to find a rest room. Unfortunately, I did not get there fast enough and I had an “accident.” When I got back into the truck, I could smell the urine. Instead of getting to RTU early, I had to go home to change clothes before I could go there. After getting cleaned up and changed, I wound up late enough that I was the last patient they treated today.
I was so embarrassed by the odor and so disappointed by going from being ahead of schedule to being late. I have decided that I will start packing another “just in case bag.” This one will have a complete change of clothes and the adult wipes they use in the hospitals. I'll have to keep this in my truck at all times to handle situations like this.
I once heard that if one is not truly humble, one has to “be humbled.” I guess that this may be a measure of that happening. In any case it is just one more thing that I have to deal with on this particular journey. As with everything else it is not only for my benefit but for the benefit of everyone. In that regard, I'm sure I am not the only one with this kind of experience.
BTW, Happy New Year.
I'm bringing in the new year blogging?
Today, I got an early start on the day's activities because when I woke early, although it was early, it was also too late to go back to sleep without risking oversleeping on a day that I was supposed to arrive early for my treatment. Therefore, since my check was already in my account, I sat down to the computer and paid my bills and then set out to run my errands before the drive to the Hospital. I even treated myself to a grits-and-eggs breakfast at a local restaurant where I last ate over thirty years ago. The morning progressed very well with me getting a lot done very efficiently, even managing to find an almost new tripod at Goodwill for $3.09. With my long-standing prostate problems and my newer radiation side effects, one of the keys to such an expedition is keeping myself within reach of clean rest rooms along my path. In fact, the stop at Goodwill was for just that reason.
This morning, as I said, was going very well. I had reached the point that I only had two more stops before I would head to the VA Hospital for my treatment, but I again had to find a rest room. Unfortunately, I did not get there fast enough and I had an “accident.” When I got back into the truck, I could smell the urine. Instead of getting to RTU early, I had to go home to change clothes before I could go there. After getting cleaned up and changed, I wound up late enough that I was the last patient they treated today.
I was so embarrassed by the odor and so disappointed by going from being ahead of schedule to being late. I have decided that I will start packing another “just in case bag.” This one will have a complete change of clothes and the adult wipes they use in the hospitals. I'll have to keep this in my truck at all times to handle situations like this.
I once heard that if one is not truly humble, one has to “be humbled.” I guess that this may be a measure of that happening. In any case it is just one more thing that I have to deal with on this particular journey. As with everything else it is not only for my benefit but for the benefit of everyone. In that regard, I'm sure I am not the only one with this kind of experience.
BTW, Happy New Year.
I'm bringing in the new year blogging?
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