UnSouthern Potato Salad

One of the folks here at Drikung Meditation Center Boston boiled a few potatoes and even cut them up, but left them with a note for someone to make potato salad with them. Not being anywhere near a gourmet cook, I left them alone, thinking someone else would do it. However, when it got around to late Sunday afternoon, it was clear that no one had that intention yet. Therefore, being a Southern boy, I do know a little about potato salad. Thus I set out to make a batch of potato salad.

In my mind I have the list of ingredients that I am accustomed to using in a Southern potato salad. I started looking for them and soon realized that I would have to do a little substituting. I couldn't find sweet pickle relish but found other pickles and chopped up a few. I couldn't find any celery, but found half of a large bell pepper and chopped it up. The only form of garlic was whole cloves, one of which I chopped as finely as I could. There was mayonnaise but there was only spicy brown mustard. However, the French's spicy brown was close enough to yellow that I used it. When I was looking for ingredients, I had seen fresh basil and fresh tarragon and couldn't resist chopping up a little of both to go in my potato salad. Finally, I had boiled two eggs which I now chopped up and threw in.

Putting it all in a large enough mixing bowl to give me room to thoroughly mix it, I stirred it all together. I was careful that I did not tear up the egg whites to keep them visible in the finished salad. At this point I added the mustard to be able to judge how much to add by the color it imparted.

After I put it in a container to put into the refrigerator, I sat down to write this blog. Only then did I realize that I had left out the one ingredient specifically bought for the potato salad, onion. I went back into the kitchen, chopped up half an onion and added it. Now my potato salad was finished.

Almost nothing about the potato salad was according to plan. Nevertheless, based on my own taste test, it came out fine. At least it suits my tastes, although I may be the only one who likes it.

In the bigger picture of things, from the time that I took refuge as a Tibetan Buddhist, nothing has gone according to plan. Nevertheless, I wound up with enough Dharma active in my life to see me through the diagnosis of cancer, its treatment, and the recovery from that treatment. Not only that, I was able to turn the burning up of all the negative Karma that the disease process represented into something positive for my own benefit as well as that of other sentient beings. Now I sit here a Tibetan Buddhist monk, albeit a “baby monk.”

Sleeping Late

Today I got up at 7:00 AM. If I were back in Florida, that would be getting up early. However, here at Drikung Meditation Center Boston, that is sleeping late. It isn't that someone is setting a time that I should awake, but rather that I have been getting up between 5:00 and 6:00 AM except for the first two mornings when I was still getting over the lack of sleep on the train.

This would not feel like sleeping late except for the things I missed about the morning that went with the earlier wake up time. Those other days I was up before anyone in the house. My first meditation of the day and sometimes even my morning practice was in a totally quiet house. That felt like a very special time alone with the Jowo Rinpoche statue.

Nevertheless, I did get to do Vajrasattva practice with the Sunday morning Dharma group. That makes the second time for that practice since I got here. We have been familiarizing ourselves with things that will be done differently when His Holiness is here. Certain prayers will be slightly different with the teachings and empowerments. We were even learning his name not just his title and position. We also talked about the subjects of his teachings as well as materials which we may read in order to prepare ourselves individually for these teachings and empowerments.

Ironically, after sleeping two hours later than usual and even going to bed an hour earlier than I have been, giving me three hours more sleep, I find myself yawning. Today is a drizzly day. Rain always makes me sleepy. It often feels like there is nothing better to do on a rainy day than sleep. However, I still have things that need to get done. I haven't done my nine round breathing or my morning practice yet. I want to make a batch of Southern potato salad from boiled potatoes left in the refrigerator a couple of days ago. I think that will be a treat not only for myself, but also for other residents of the house.

I look forward to finding time in Lama's schedule in the coming week for us to have some of the talks we probably should have had before I was ordained. Not only that but there are certain circumstances which have arisen since ordination with which I must deal. I guess it all comes down to, “ What should I be doing now that I am a monk?” Furthermore, I need for him to really define my responsibility with regard to Katsel Meditation Tampa. There is even the matter of the group at the Unity Church in Plant City who want a meditation class. What we do, we do for the benefit of all sentient beings and this should include these seekers.

Lessons from Our Mothers and Grandmothers

Growing up in a very loving, caring family, where loving-kindness, compassion and generosity were taught and practiced gives one a different perspective on many things. We were always taught that if we shared what we had with others, we would never do without. We were taught this in a particularly Christian context, but I have come to believe that it is built into the structure of the universe. I am certain that it is simple cause-and-effect, simple Karma.

I made the trip up here to Drikung Meditation Center Boston on a shoestring, trusting that I would not only be able to get here but also have what I needed once I was here. I was most fortunately helped to make the trip by very caring persons who also practiced generosity. Nevertheless, it seems almost everything costs more in Boston than in Florida, resulting in going through way more money than I thought I might.

In the Center's kitchen, while not all things are held in common, there is still much sharing. One of the “rules” of the kitchen is that if there is no name on something, it is available for anyone to eat. Some things are donated in support of the Center, while others are left by visitors, and still other things come as the produce of a community supported agriculture farm. When I have bought food items, I have felt that it would be inappropriate for me, as a monk, to mark it as “mine.” Thus I have found myself going through more than three loaves of bread in a week. At the same time I have eaten most of my meals from shared items or those which have been left behind by other visitors. Nevertheless, I found myself feeling anxiety when the third loaf of bread was finished.

Most fortunately, at this point I remembered both my lessons from childhood and the principles governing my new life as a monk. For all of my life I never saw a failure of what my grandmother and mother taught about sharing. As long as I shared openly and freely, my needs were always be met. Now, as a monk, I have to remember that in some other countries I would go on a daily alms round depending on that for my sustenance.

It seems that I can get just as attached to a false idea or concept as I can to a physical object. The illusory security of a full cupboard or pantry can be rigidly held. This is yet another attachment leading to suffering as much as any other. One may feel the need to protect it and fear the loss of it, both of which would be destructive to happiness.

I sit here with a place to stay and food to eat. I don't need to demand the guarantee of either of those for the future, because I don't even have a guarantee of a future in which to need them. In actual fact, there is still enough of everything for days which is quite enough that I should not worry. If I do worry, I am foolishly causing myself needless suffering.

However, isn't that precisely what we human beings are doing to ourselves all the time. Some suffering comes to us when others do us harm, but most of our suffering is of our own making. Indeed the “harm” that others may do to us is really the perception of events which may not actually be anything more than a nuisance if we looked at it honestly.

This brings us right back to the most fundamental truths of Buddhism, the Four Noble Truths:

1. To live means to suffer.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof.

3. The cessation of suffering can be attained.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path.

Isn't it great that the Dharma is everywhere? Not only that, but our mothers and grandmothers taught it even without knowing the word “Dharma”?

For the Benefit of All Sentient Beings

Living alone I don't normally have to concern myself with how most of my actions at home affect other people. If I sing too loud or off key, no one is disturbed by it. If I take up the whole doorway or hall, no one is blocked by it. If I put something down and leave it or pick something up and move it, no one is affected by that. If I leave a light on or turn one off, it doesn't matter to anyone except me.

Staying here at Drikung Meditation Center Boston, on the other hand, almost every one of our actions affects our housemates. Unfortunately bad habits grow better and faster than good ones, much like the weeds in a garden. In shared living circumstances we have to do some self examination regularly for the benefit of all. Is my conversation a little too loud, disturbing someone who is praying? Am I being too expansive in my use of space not sharing the shrine with others?

Khenchen Konchok Gyaltsen Rinpoche says that our Dharma practice is really outside the shrine room. It is carried with us in all our activities. This applies especially among those living at a center like this. We can be seen as representing Tibetan Buddhism to newcomers and visitors. I, for one, am still a baby Buddhist as well as a baby monk. I still have so much to learn and so much of the garbage of the past to sweep away.

I won't change overnight. Nobody does. Nevertheless we have some very effective tools at our disposal which work just as effectively as they always have. Human beings have not changed much in the 25 or 26 centuries since Lord Buddha taught them. We study the Dharma and even practice it when we meet once of twice a week, but the real test of our learning is how we apply it all the other days of the week and in all the other circumstances of our lives. Isn't this at least part of “for the benefit of all sentient beings”?

Dharma Practice Tonight

Tonight at Drikung Meditation Center Boston, we had sadhana practice. We were a small group, but that is not important. Wednesday nights are scheduled as Vajrasattva practice. This is the first time since I returned from Spring Retreat ordained for me to do this practice. I had planned to do it several times, but something always happened.

I had almost forgotten how good this particular practice makes me feel. It is like the best of Orthodox Christian confession and then more. This seemed all the more intense tonight because of the added force that the commitment that my vows represent adds to these prayers. Furthermore, the extent to which circumstances have made me “bend” the samayas (without breaking them) adds a degree of urgency to my need for such cleansing. I only know that I need to ask Lama how I may integrate this particular practice in my overall practices.

Thrifting around Boston

I went “thrifting” this afternoon. Actually it was a modest excursion heading to just one store, because, much to my surprise, thrift stores are few and far between in the Boston metropolitan area. There are none in Arlington and only a few in Cambridge. Others are scattered around Boston and its suburbs, few easily accessible by public transit.

Unfortunately, for the store I chose, it was the wrong day in the wrong week. The volunteers that run it apparently took vacation and, furthermore, the store is only open Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Even then the hours are rather short. I'll have to try again next week, perhaps making a two store trip.

At least I did get to see a little corner of Harvard. I really wasn't up to walking over that much of such a large campus. An interesting feature was the space behind one library which was little more than an alley, but had been made into a kind of park with benches, trees, and bicycle racks. In the nearby shopping area I saw another alley between two buildings which was actually more of a pedestrian mall.

While I was in that area, I had an interesting encounter. A strangely-mannered young man came up to me inquiring whether we had a monastery in the area. I then explained about being here to assist in preparing for His Holiness' teachings. Before we parted ways he told me that I have “good energy.” I really don't know what transpired, but it seemed that his day was made better by our brief conversation.

Nevertheless, I remain puzzled by the scarcity of thrift shops in this area. Back in Florida they are quite common. My hometown which is quite small has four, at least. Nearby Tampa has many more. I do not understand why a metropolitan area as large as Boston does not have even more that Tampa. At least the one in which I attempted to shop promises to be a good one because the seem to have a lot of space and there location near Harvard would suggest that they might get good donations.

Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 82 – The End of This Book - Maybe

If I am able to fulfill my Lama's wishes this blog that I have written over the course of this particular journey is to be turned into a book. In a work of fiction the final chapter brings everything neatly to a close, leaving no loose ends, although perhaps providing the basis for a sequel. Of course, in life things don't work out in such a neat and tidy way. Nevertheless, this real life story has come close to such an ending of this phase.

My cancer has been successfully treated although I still await the “cancer-free” designation. At the same time I am entering on a new phase of my life as a Tibetan Buddhist monk.

In a fictional tale I would have been declared cancer-free by the oncologist and then gone to be ordained a monk and the moved into a monastery. In real life, my ordination was unscheduled and unexpected, the status of my cancer was unknown at that time, and there really isn't a monastery in our lineage for me to enter. Furthermore, right after the ordination I had a high PSA result which could have indicated the return of my cancer or even metastasis. Of course, I am grateful that it was merely what they call a “bounce.”

Nevertheless, I cannot complain about the way things have turned out so far. I was ordained on the day for the commemoration of the parinirvana of the founder of our order. The robes I had for my ordination were “hand-me-downs,” borrowed and drastically marked-down, all very appropriate for a monk. After I returned home from Spring Retreat, I did find the good news about my cancer, eventually. With regard to my ordination, I have been well received. Furthermore, my sister has told me that I seem more content and happy than she has remembered me being in a long time.

Our Dharma Center has grown to the point that we have outgrown the private home in which we met and have had to seek a new venue. In addition it has undergone a reorganization that will probably put it on a better basis for further growth, ultimately being able to have a resident Lama and several of us monks. I now need to talk to my Lama about the nature of my role at the Center and whether there might not be some simpler topics on which I can share my experience in lieu of formally teaching. I have been able to share little bits of the Dharma as I have traveled about in my robes.

As I was sitting in Boston's South Station waiting for my ride to arrive, a young lady approached me offering to buy me coffee. When she returned with coffee and a muffin, we talked about her miscarriage and the ensuing depression. In fact we talked until she had to catch her train. While I cannot claim any particular qualifications, my own struggles with my own depression have given me great empathy for anyone else dealing with it. Her Karma and my Karma placed us just there at just that time when my experiences could help her.

As I work toward the upcoming teachings, I especially look forward to His Holiness Chetsang Rinpohe's Amitayus Empowerment and teachings and his Great Drikung Phowa Transmission and Teachings. Since I have been close to dying so many times in my life, nevertheless surviving. I want to actively and concretely prepare for my own death which I know will come, perhaps even unexpectedly. However, I can be prepared if I will work at it, maybe even attaining enlightenment, but at least taking steps to gain a good rebirth.

Every experience I have ever had, every skill that I have mastered, and every job that I have ever done have all prepared me in various ways to be useful in service of others. Whether I am helping with preparations for teachings from our great Lamas or in some measure comforting the sick or dying or merely bringing the appropriate clergy to them, my whole life has value, the good and even the bad parts. I am happiest when I remember that everything that I do is not for my benefit alone but for the benefit of all sentient beings.