In Buddhism the three foundation practices are dâna (giving), sîla (morality), bhâvana (meditation). Furthermore, a cornerstone of Tibetan Buddhism in particular is its emphasis on loving-kindness as an essential prerequisite to enlightenment. Tuesday, I was the focus of loving-kindness, the recipient of dâna (giving).
One of my vajra brothers from our Dharma center drove me to my radiation therapy appointment. This in itself was a great kindness. With the great degree of fatigue that I have been experiencing, it is a very great relief to have someone else drive.
This is also the day of the week when the appointment runs the longest because they take X-rays before the actual radiation and I have to see the doctor before leaving. Adding to the time today particularly, I had to get a prescription for side effects processed in addition to the usual administrative matters. Through it all, my vajra brother demonstrated great patience. Furthermore, he was not overwhelmed by the whole environment of such an immense facility as this VA Hospital.
After this was all finished, we went to Kalieshia Tea Lounge for my usual after-treatment treat of Hot Spicy Chai for which he insisted on paying. Not only that, he took me to lunch at a Thai restaurant where I had Pad Thai which was delicious although the side effects of my treatments kept me from finishing it. To my friend's credit, his great generosity of spirit kept me from feeling uncomfortable taking half my meal home in a “take-out” container. I have to confess that this made an excellent snack later. These “snacks” or more accurately “mini-meals” are necessary to maintain my nutrition and keep my weight stable when I am faced with nausea if I eat to much in a single meal.
My vajra brother had the opportunity to practice generosity, tolerance and loving-kindness. I, on the other hand, got the chance to avoid letting ego dominate or letting arrogance masquerade as self-sufficiency. If I were becoming a monk in one of the countries of Asia where Buddhism is common such as Thailand, I would daily make the alms-round, being totally dependent on the lay community for my daily sustenance. This creates conditions which are essential for the spiritual well being of a Buddhist monk. Indeed this is another dimension of benefiting not only myself but all sentient beings.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 16 – Tong Ren Guinea Pig Class – The First Session
Back on October, in response to my blog postings about my cancer, my lama passed my contact information to a practitioner of Tong Ren who gave me information and links to read more about this particular energy healing modality. I read the online information and looked for a time to participate in one of their distance healing sessions. Sunday afternoon, I had my first session of Tong Ren therapy as part of the “Guinea Pig Class” for cancer. I connected to their chat broadcast briefly giving my diagnosis and current treatment.
Tog Ren is described on the site www.tomtam.com:
“Tong Ren Definition
“Developed by Tom Tam, and an integral part of the Tom Tam Healing System, Tong Ren is a form of energy therapy for restoring health and vitality. Tong Ren is based on a belief that disease is related to interruptions, or blockages, in the body's natural flow of chi, neural bioelectricity, blood, or hormones. Tong Ren seeks to remove these blockages, restoring the body's natural ability to heal itself, even when illnesses are chronic, debilitating, or otherwise untreatable.
“Tong Ren combines western knowledge of anatomy and physiology with the ancient principle of "chi," or life force energy, to create what many consider to be a powerful new healing modality. Drawing on the Jungian theory of the "collective unconscious," Tong Ren is believed to access energy from this universal source and direct it to the patient. Because no physical contact is involved or necessary, Tong Ren is often practiced as distance healing.
“In a typical therapy session, the Tong Ren practitioner uses a small human anatomical model as an energetic representation of the patient, tapping on targeted points on the model with a lightweight magnetic hammer. The practitioner directs chi to blockage points corresponding to the patient's condition, breaking down resistance at these points. As blood flow, neural transmission, and hormone reception are restored, the body is then able to heal.
“History of Tong Ren
“Tong in Chinese means bronze; Ren means man or human. Tong Ren can be translated as 'bronze man'. In the Sung Dynasty (1023 AD), Emperor Ren Zhong Sung summoned the highest medical faculty of the Empire to write up the "New Bronze Man's Points of Acupuncture Diagram and Note". Dr. Wang Wei-yi was responsible for designing the acupuncture bronze man (human figure made by bronze). In 1027 AD, two identical bronze men were made, which were named Tong Ren (meaning "bronze man" in Chinese). Tong Ren Healing is an important component of the Tom Tam healing system. To commemorate the Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) pioneers for their invaluable contribution to the world on the medical front, "Tong Ren Healing", an energy healing system developed by Tam was named after the acupuncture figure created by the TCM forerunners.
“Tong Ren Technique
“Tong Ren healing is becoming increasingly popular and widespread. Worldwide, and on a daily basis, people with serious illnesses are treated by Tong Ren therapists. Countless patients benefit from and are healed by Tong Ren Therapy. Each Tong Ren therapist has his/her own way of healing people. The effectiveness of the healing is high, and the cost is low. Tong Ren Therapy is extremely easy to learn. Basically there are three major techniques – with (1) the hammer, (2) laser beam, and (3) pins. Discing technique is the latest technique developed and applied in Tong Ren practices.
“Magnetic Hammer
“The magnetic hammer technique is one way of stimulating blockage points on the doll related to the patient's illness. This method is super easy for anyone to learn and practice; it does not require any serious training or experience. I always say, “Monkey see, monkey do”. The hammer technique is the major method used in Tong Ren Guinea Gig Classes for group healing. The points for hammer hitting vary with individual cases.
“With the hammer technique, the first step is to locate the points on the doll. The beginner can follow the healing chart in our text book “A Lazy Bum’s Healing”, then write down the main points and support points on paper, or mark the points on the doll. On the healing chart, the main points indicate where the energy is blocked and where the root of the problem is. The support points enhance the effectiveness of the healing and are not mandatory, whereas the main points are.
“When we press on a patient’s body following the main points from the chart, the patient will usually experience an uncomfortable or painful feeling at these points. In TCM theory these are called the Ouch Points. We need to pay attention to any Ouch Point, or any area where pain is felt. Pain is a signal from the body, which indicates that there is an imbalance or where the Chi is static. For example, when one has liver cancer, we shall find an Ouch Point at T9 on the right hand side. When a patient has breast cancer, we can easily find an Ouch Point at T4, on the same side as the tumor. Based on many years of practice and experience, I have observed that when a person is diagnosed with a specific condition or disease, they will have an Ouch Point, which corresponds to a certain designated root problem. “However, please be careful not to mislead a patient by making a diagnosis according to an Ouch Point. A blockage can sometimes mean just a tight muscle - nothing more, nothing less. Making a diagnosis is the job of medical doctors using specific medical equipment and/or tests. In our healing, we only follow the doctor's diagnosis to find the blockage or reflex points. We never make any diagnosis of a patient's condition.
“When we use the hammer technique on the doll for healing, the general order of stimulation is from the top to the bottom, like the natural flow of water. However, when we stimulate the Sky Window area where both the common carotid and vertebral arteries are found, the order of hitting should be from the bottom to the top. This is different from when we are working on the nervous system, because the arteries carry blood upward from the heart to the brain. When we are done with all the points with the hammer technique, we should hit the doll from the top of the head to the bottom of the feet. This allows for the clearing of the Chi in the whole body before we finish the healing session.
“While treating cancer, we should begin by using the hammer on the head of the doll at GV22 and BL6 on both sides. After a couple of minutes, proceed to CR8's which are not on the doll. The two CR8 points are where the ears are. Do this for another couple of minutes, then move on to the points related to the specific cancer(s). When treating multiple cancers, we always start with the primary cancer, even though there may not be any symptoms.
“Tong Ren Therapy is based on the power of our mind creating energy for healing. The source of this energy is from the collective unconscious, which is connected to the super conscious. When we practice Tong Ren, the focusing of our mind comes from our subconscious and unconscious - which means, “Just do it”. If we make a conscious effort to focus, the focusing comes from our conscious mind, not from the unconscious mind. No one can consciously access one’s unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is instinctive and cannot be controlled. Functions of the unconscious mind are automatic reactions. This use of the mind with the hammer technique facilitates the breaking down of blockages, which can then let energy pass within the body freely. With Tong Ren healing, we do not need to think or focus on the breaking down of the blockages, because the thought has already been stored as memory in our subconscious mind.
“Using the hammer technique, we hit points on the doll for about 10 to 15 minutes. As a rule this is enough. Patients can hit the doll for self-healing, but the best way is to ask someone else to do it because in this way the patient can be totally relaxed in order to receive the healing energy. A child’s mind is purer than an adult’s and without resistance. That is why children are more effective when using the hammer technique than most adults. With late stage cancer, daily use of Tong Ren healing is required. With cancer at an early stage, we can use Tong Ren two or three times a week. If the patient wants to do it or have it done on him/her more often, it is all right to do so because there are no side effects with Tong Ren healing. The more you do it, the more you benefit from it.
“When we see points on the spine from the Lazy Bum book, e.g. C1, T1, L1, S1, we hit the doll on both side of the points. If C1 Right is specified, for example, then we hit only the right side of C1.”
The practitioner in my “Guinea Pig Class” took each diagnosis in turn and tapped with her little hammer on the appropriate points on the figure. When she was “tapping” for me, I felt tingling in my hands and warmth in my abdomen. Of course, this could be passed off as the result of the power of suggestion except for a striking experience during the session. While she was “tapping” for others, I had to go to the bathroom to urinate. My latest side effect from my treatments is that I had begun to feel pain at the conclusion of urinating. However, this particular time it was reduced to mere discomfort. This was an unexpected, but, for me, clearcut benefit from the session. I plan to block off that time every Sunday afternoon until I feel that I no longer need it.
This accords well with my own experience as a Reiki practitioner and a recipient of Reiki as well as other energy healing modalities such as Quantum Touch.
I see this as just one more part of my overall treatment program, not least of which is my spiritual practice. I strive to maintain the essential elements of my daily practice and add what I can to it. I am trying to keep better track of my mantra recitations to be able to add them to mantra accumulations to benefit others.
Tog Ren is described on the site www.tomtam.com:
“Tong Ren Definition
“Developed by Tom Tam, and an integral part of the Tom Tam Healing System, Tong Ren is a form of energy therapy for restoring health and vitality. Tong Ren is based on a belief that disease is related to interruptions, or blockages, in the body's natural flow of chi, neural bioelectricity, blood, or hormones. Tong Ren seeks to remove these blockages, restoring the body's natural ability to heal itself, even when illnesses are chronic, debilitating, or otherwise untreatable.
“Tong Ren combines western knowledge of anatomy and physiology with the ancient principle of "chi," or life force energy, to create what many consider to be a powerful new healing modality. Drawing on the Jungian theory of the "collective unconscious," Tong Ren is believed to access energy from this universal source and direct it to the patient. Because no physical contact is involved or necessary, Tong Ren is often practiced as distance healing.
“In a typical therapy session, the Tong Ren practitioner uses a small human anatomical model as an energetic representation of the patient, tapping on targeted points on the model with a lightweight magnetic hammer. The practitioner directs chi to blockage points corresponding to the patient's condition, breaking down resistance at these points. As blood flow, neural transmission, and hormone reception are restored, the body is then able to heal.
“History of Tong Ren
“Tong in Chinese means bronze; Ren means man or human. Tong Ren can be translated as 'bronze man'. In the Sung Dynasty (1023 AD), Emperor Ren Zhong Sung summoned the highest medical faculty of the Empire to write up the "New Bronze Man's Points of Acupuncture Diagram and Note". Dr. Wang Wei-yi was responsible for designing the acupuncture bronze man (human figure made by bronze). In 1027 AD, two identical bronze men were made, which were named Tong Ren (meaning "bronze man" in Chinese). Tong Ren Healing is an important component of the Tom Tam healing system. To commemorate the Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) pioneers for their invaluable contribution to the world on the medical front, "Tong Ren Healing", an energy healing system developed by Tam was named after the acupuncture figure created by the TCM forerunners.
“Tong Ren Technique
“Tong Ren healing is becoming increasingly popular and widespread. Worldwide, and on a daily basis, people with serious illnesses are treated by Tong Ren therapists. Countless patients benefit from and are healed by Tong Ren Therapy. Each Tong Ren therapist has his/her own way of healing people. The effectiveness of the healing is high, and the cost is low. Tong Ren Therapy is extremely easy to learn. Basically there are three major techniques – with (1) the hammer, (2) laser beam, and (3) pins. Discing technique is the latest technique developed and applied in Tong Ren practices.
“Magnetic Hammer
“The magnetic hammer technique is one way of stimulating blockage points on the doll related to the patient's illness. This method is super easy for anyone to learn and practice; it does not require any serious training or experience. I always say, “Monkey see, monkey do”. The hammer technique is the major method used in Tong Ren Guinea Gig Classes for group healing. The points for hammer hitting vary with individual cases.
“With the hammer technique, the first step is to locate the points on the doll. The beginner can follow the healing chart in our text book “A Lazy Bum’s Healing”, then write down the main points and support points on paper, or mark the points on the doll. On the healing chart, the main points indicate where the energy is blocked and where the root of the problem is. The support points enhance the effectiveness of the healing and are not mandatory, whereas the main points are.
“When we press on a patient’s body following the main points from the chart, the patient will usually experience an uncomfortable or painful feeling at these points. In TCM theory these are called the Ouch Points. We need to pay attention to any Ouch Point, or any area where pain is felt. Pain is a signal from the body, which indicates that there is an imbalance or where the Chi is static. For example, when one has liver cancer, we shall find an Ouch Point at T9 on the right hand side. When a patient has breast cancer, we can easily find an Ouch Point at T4, on the same side as the tumor. Based on many years of practice and experience, I have observed that when a person is diagnosed with a specific condition or disease, they will have an Ouch Point, which corresponds to a certain designated root problem. “However, please be careful not to mislead a patient by making a diagnosis according to an Ouch Point. A blockage can sometimes mean just a tight muscle - nothing more, nothing less. Making a diagnosis is the job of medical doctors using specific medical equipment and/or tests. In our healing, we only follow the doctor's diagnosis to find the blockage or reflex points. We never make any diagnosis of a patient's condition.
“When we use the hammer technique on the doll for healing, the general order of stimulation is from the top to the bottom, like the natural flow of water. However, when we stimulate the Sky Window area where both the common carotid and vertebral arteries are found, the order of hitting should be from the bottom to the top. This is different from when we are working on the nervous system, because the arteries carry blood upward from the heart to the brain. When we are done with all the points with the hammer technique, we should hit the doll from the top of the head to the bottom of the feet. This allows for the clearing of the Chi in the whole body before we finish the healing session.
“While treating cancer, we should begin by using the hammer on the head of the doll at GV22 and BL6 on both sides. After a couple of minutes, proceed to CR8's which are not on the doll. The two CR8 points are where the ears are. Do this for another couple of minutes, then move on to the points related to the specific cancer(s). When treating multiple cancers, we always start with the primary cancer, even though there may not be any symptoms.
“Tong Ren Therapy is based on the power of our mind creating energy for healing. The source of this energy is from the collective unconscious, which is connected to the super conscious. When we practice Tong Ren, the focusing of our mind comes from our subconscious and unconscious - which means, “Just do it”. If we make a conscious effort to focus, the focusing comes from our conscious mind, not from the unconscious mind. No one can consciously access one’s unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is instinctive and cannot be controlled. Functions of the unconscious mind are automatic reactions. This use of the mind with the hammer technique facilitates the breaking down of blockages, which can then let energy pass within the body freely. With Tong Ren healing, we do not need to think or focus on the breaking down of the blockages, because the thought has already been stored as memory in our subconscious mind.
“Using the hammer technique, we hit points on the doll for about 10 to 15 minutes. As a rule this is enough. Patients can hit the doll for self-healing, but the best way is to ask someone else to do it because in this way the patient can be totally relaxed in order to receive the healing energy. A child’s mind is purer than an adult’s and without resistance. That is why children are more effective when using the hammer technique than most adults. With late stage cancer, daily use of Tong Ren healing is required. With cancer at an early stage, we can use Tong Ren two or three times a week. If the patient wants to do it or have it done on him/her more often, it is all right to do so because there are no side effects with Tong Ren healing. The more you do it, the more you benefit from it.
“When we see points on the spine from the Lazy Bum book, e.g. C1, T1, L1, S1, we hit the doll on both side of the points. If C1 Right is specified, for example, then we hit only the right side of C1.”
The practitioner in my “Guinea Pig Class” took each diagnosis in turn and tapped with her little hammer on the appropriate points on the figure. When she was “tapping” for me, I felt tingling in my hands and warmth in my abdomen. Of course, this could be passed off as the result of the power of suggestion except for a striking experience during the session. While she was “tapping” for others, I had to go to the bathroom to urinate. My latest side effect from my treatments is that I had begun to feel pain at the conclusion of urinating. However, this particular time it was reduced to mere discomfort. This was an unexpected, but, for me, clearcut benefit from the session. I plan to block off that time every Sunday afternoon until I feel that I no longer need it.
This accords well with my own experience as a Reiki practitioner and a recipient of Reiki as well as other energy healing modalities such as Quantum Touch.
I see this as just one more part of my overall treatment program, not least of which is my spiritual practice. I strive to maintain the essential elements of my daily practice and add what I can to it. I am trying to keep better track of my mantra recitations to be able to add them to mantra accumulations to benefit others.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 15 – The Retreat That Wasn't – A Sequel
Saturday I planned to attend a “Sobriety Sweat” sweat lodge ceremony. In order to be able to do this I focused on resting today. However, by the time I had to decide to get on the road to the lodge, it was clear that I did not have the energy for it. Nevertheless, after supper and watching TV with my sister, when I got home, based on what I managed to accomplish Friday night, I decided to see what practice I could do in just the hours that remained of this one night.
Again I first did my “Daily Offerings,” both general and for Dzambhala. After that I did the “altruistic motivation,” “refuge prayers,” and “seven limb prayer” from the KDC prayer book. In preparation for the rest of what I was doing, I did the brief Vajrasattva practice from the same book. Then I did the Achi Chökyi Drölma tea offering with tea from my own mug. I followed this with a Dzambhala water offering. However, I went on to Medicine Buddha, White Tara, and Amitayus Long-life practice with their sadhanas. I followed this with the Short Chenrezig practice from the KDC prayer book. Since I was going from one to another, I did not repeat the preliminary prayers, but jumped into the heart of the sadhana. Likewise, since this was a continuous practice, I did the dedications and long life prayers only once when I was finished.
There is nothing particularly commendable in this, because it is far less than I should be doing on a daily basis. Furthermore, this did not include any prostrations or Ngondro practice. However, I did realize some very important things from what I did manage to do.
It is clear to me that I should be doing this and more every day, not just on special occasions! Furthermore, I have so many things to learn. I may already know about the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path, but what are the “ten directions,” the “three trainings,” or the “four wheels of practice.” At the same time, I realize that I have too little time left in this lifetime to devote too much of it to academic study. Beyond the study of the fundamentals which are essential, it is most important what I can put into action.
I really do not anticipate being a teacher but rather a simple monk who puts into practice the things I am being taught by my root lama and other elder monks. If I am to be of any benefit to myself and to others, I can't wait until I am ordained a monk, but must begin now. I already have taken on the commitments of my Ngakpa ordination. That requires of me both a more active practice and a more active service for others. Furthermore, I am more convinced than ever that I am to be a Tibetan Buddhist monk. However, this does not mean that I am to wait until I am ordained to live the life of a monk. Rather, I must begin to live as a monk now, not dressing differently, but living differently.
First, I should cease to entertain the notion of a romantic relationship. That has not developed even once in all these years and is most unlikely at this late date. Second, I need to resume the “liquidation of my own estate” with a thought to whether each thing has a place in a monastery. This is about transforming my home into my monastic residence. Third and most importantly, I need to begin to develop my life as a monk here and now.
Of course, I realize that I don't have the full structure of a monastery and that Buddhist monasticism is not based on the solitary monk, but I can do some things nonetheless. First is to place proper importance on my daily practice, the offerings, the prayers, the mantra recitations, and the meditation. Second, I can trim away any activities that either do not contribute to those practices or are not necessitated by my current living arrangements or health issues. Third, I must avail myself of every opportunity for essential teachings that are accessible to me here.
I don't expect this to be easy. First, the present circumstances of my “Journey through Cancer” prevents me from simply going to one of our monastic centers right now. Second, the same cancer complicates doing as much as I might like to be able to do and requires me to constantly question whether is is genuinely fatigue or simply laziness that keeps me from doing what I ought. Finally, as I have already experienced in Christian monasticism, the monastery is not the heaven of bliss and sweet peace but rather the place of struggle with passions and inner conflicts. However, in a solitary life I will have many of the same struggles, but without the aid of a community close at hand to help me in my transformation.
I fully believe and I am thoroughly convinced that my ordination as a monk will not actually be the beginning of something new, but rather the outward recognition and affirmation of what already exists. I will already be on the inside what I am made on the outside. This may not be the way others come to Tibetan Buddhist monasticism, but it seems to be the way I am destined to get there.
Again I first did my “Daily Offerings,” both general and for Dzambhala. After that I did the “altruistic motivation,” “refuge prayers,” and “seven limb prayer” from the KDC prayer book. In preparation for the rest of what I was doing, I did the brief Vajrasattva practice from the same book. Then I did the Achi Chökyi Drölma tea offering with tea from my own mug. I followed this with a Dzambhala water offering. However, I went on to Medicine Buddha, White Tara, and Amitayus Long-life practice with their sadhanas. I followed this with the Short Chenrezig practice from the KDC prayer book. Since I was going from one to another, I did not repeat the preliminary prayers, but jumped into the heart of the sadhana. Likewise, since this was a continuous practice, I did the dedications and long life prayers only once when I was finished.
There is nothing particularly commendable in this, because it is far less than I should be doing on a daily basis. Furthermore, this did not include any prostrations or Ngondro practice. However, I did realize some very important things from what I did manage to do.
It is clear to me that I should be doing this and more every day, not just on special occasions! Furthermore, I have so many things to learn. I may already know about the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path, but what are the “ten directions,” the “three trainings,” or the “four wheels of practice.” At the same time, I realize that I have too little time left in this lifetime to devote too much of it to academic study. Beyond the study of the fundamentals which are essential, it is most important what I can put into action.
I really do not anticipate being a teacher but rather a simple monk who puts into practice the things I am being taught by my root lama and other elder monks. If I am to be of any benefit to myself and to others, I can't wait until I am ordained a monk, but must begin now. I already have taken on the commitments of my Ngakpa ordination. That requires of me both a more active practice and a more active service for others. Furthermore, I am more convinced than ever that I am to be a Tibetan Buddhist monk. However, this does not mean that I am to wait until I am ordained to live the life of a monk. Rather, I must begin to live as a monk now, not dressing differently, but living differently.
First, I should cease to entertain the notion of a romantic relationship. That has not developed even once in all these years and is most unlikely at this late date. Second, I need to resume the “liquidation of my own estate” with a thought to whether each thing has a place in a monastery. This is about transforming my home into my monastic residence. Third and most importantly, I need to begin to develop my life as a monk here and now.
Of course, I realize that I don't have the full structure of a monastery and that Buddhist monasticism is not based on the solitary monk, but I can do some things nonetheless. First is to place proper importance on my daily practice, the offerings, the prayers, the mantra recitations, and the meditation. Second, I can trim away any activities that either do not contribute to those practices or are not necessitated by my current living arrangements or health issues. Third, I must avail myself of every opportunity for essential teachings that are accessible to me here.
I don't expect this to be easy. First, the present circumstances of my “Journey through Cancer” prevents me from simply going to one of our monastic centers right now. Second, the same cancer complicates doing as much as I might like to be able to do and requires me to constantly question whether is is genuinely fatigue or simply laziness that keeps me from doing what I ought. Finally, as I have already experienced in Christian monasticism, the monastery is not the heaven of bliss and sweet peace but rather the place of struggle with passions and inner conflicts. However, in a solitary life I will have many of the same struggles, but without the aid of a community close at hand to help me in my transformation.
I fully believe and I am thoroughly convinced that my ordination as a monk will not actually be the beginning of something new, but rather the outward recognition and affirmation of what already exists. I will already be on the inside what I am made on the outside. This may not be the way others come to Tibetan Buddhist monasticism, but it seems to be the way I am destined to get there.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 15 – The Retreat That Wasn't
Given Friday after Christmas off from my daily routine of radiation treatments by Presidential decree, I thought that it might make a good day to turn into a private retreat. Since it is also the New Moon, it is a particularly auspicious day for spiritual practice. I planned to do a “Liberation of Animals from the Danger of Death” as well as Dzambhala water offering and an Achi tea offering. In addition, I would do whatever other practice I could include. My plan was that I would start as early as possible with “Daily Offerings.” However, my fatigue got the better of me.
I slept way too late, only getting up after several naps. By this time I had gotten together things for the offerings, but it was time for supper. However, after supper, I decided to recover whatever I could of the original plan for the day. I had no animals to liberate, because I couldn't afford them today. Nevertheless, I could still do the water offering and tea offering.
First I did my “Daily Offerings,” both general and for Dzambhala. After that I did the “altruistic motivation,” “refuge prayers,” and “seven limb prayer” from the KDC prayer book. In preparation for the rest of what I was doing, I did the brief Vajrasattva practice from the same book. Then I did the Achi Chökyi Drölma tea offering with tea from my own mug. I followed this with a Dzambhala water offering. I concluded with dedications and long life prayers. In these I have to think of Venerable Lama Sonam as well as my friend Liz and Alejandro and his relative who has cancer.
While this was not the “retreat” that I had planned, it was more than I do on a consistent basis. Perhaps, since I managed to do this in spite of such a late start, this could now become my fundamental daily practice to which I can add elements for which I have received empowerments. I see this as a matter of growth rather than perfection. Since I don't live in a monastery, I can't expect always to be able to do what might be simple there. Furthermore, I am still fairly new to this practice in this lifetime and experience in a previous lifetime doesn't seem to carry over into this one.
With a Full Moon coming up on January 10th, I may try again to make a private retreat like I planned for this New Moon. At least it would again be an auspicious day for spiritual practice. Perhaps I can also do a “Liberation of Animals from the Danger of Death” as well as replace my worn prayer flags with the new ones that I have already gotten. At the very least the attempt at making the day a retreat has advanced my practice and may be an element of good experience for my future.'
In my Christian monastic life, I was not able to stay shut away in the monastery, but rather had to live outside the cloistered life. Perhaps it is like “bear spirit,” balancing hibernation in the Winter with activity in the Spring and Summer. If, as I presently intend, I eventually become a Tibetan Buddhist monk, I may not be able to live the cloistered life either. In any case, I am sure that I have to build up from the kind of weekend retreats that we have at our Dharma Center to a short solitary retreat and eventually to a longer solitary retreat. Everything in its time and under the guidance of my Lama.
At the very least, I have spent the day in a worthwhile manner. Furthermore, short of turning off my phone, in my present circumstances I need to be available to others. Even though I am the most beginning of beginners, I still must be of service to others in whatever way I am able. I feel that I took on a certain responsibility to other sentient beings and to the Dharma when I took Ngakpa ordination. I take it seriously in the manner of the preliminary steps on a longer journey. Just like my “Journey through Cancer,” it is not for myself alone.
I slept way too late, only getting up after several naps. By this time I had gotten together things for the offerings, but it was time for supper. However, after supper, I decided to recover whatever I could of the original plan for the day. I had no animals to liberate, because I couldn't afford them today. Nevertheless, I could still do the water offering and tea offering.
First I did my “Daily Offerings,” both general and for Dzambhala. After that I did the “altruistic motivation,” “refuge prayers,” and “seven limb prayer” from the KDC prayer book. In preparation for the rest of what I was doing, I did the brief Vajrasattva practice from the same book. Then I did the Achi Chökyi Drölma tea offering with tea from my own mug. I followed this with a Dzambhala water offering. I concluded with dedications and long life prayers. In these I have to think of Venerable Lama Sonam as well as my friend Liz and Alejandro and his relative who has cancer.
While this was not the “retreat” that I had planned, it was more than I do on a consistent basis. Perhaps, since I managed to do this in spite of such a late start, this could now become my fundamental daily practice to which I can add elements for which I have received empowerments. I see this as a matter of growth rather than perfection. Since I don't live in a monastery, I can't expect always to be able to do what might be simple there. Furthermore, I am still fairly new to this practice in this lifetime and experience in a previous lifetime doesn't seem to carry over into this one.
With a Full Moon coming up on January 10th, I may try again to make a private retreat like I planned for this New Moon. At least it would again be an auspicious day for spiritual practice. Perhaps I can also do a “Liberation of Animals from the Danger of Death” as well as replace my worn prayer flags with the new ones that I have already gotten. At the very least the attempt at making the day a retreat has advanced my practice and may be an element of good experience for my future.'
In my Christian monastic life, I was not able to stay shut away in the monastery, but rather had to live outside the cloistered life. Perhaps it is like “bear spirit,” balancing hibernation in the Winter with activity in the Spring and Summer. If, as I presently intend, I eventually become a Tibetan Buddhist monk, I may not be able to live the cloistered life either. In any case, I am sure that I have to build up from the kind of weekend retreats that we have at our Dharma Center to a short solitary retreat and eventually to a longer solitary retreat. Everything in its time and under the guidance of my Lama.
At the very least, I have spent the day in a worthwhile manner. Furthermore, short of turning off my phone, in my present circumstances I need to be available to others. Even though I am the most beginning of beginners, I still must be of service to others in whatever way I am able. I feel that I took on a certain responsibility to other sentient beings and to the Dharma when I took Ngakpa ordination. I take it seriously in the manner of the preliminary steps on a longer journey. Just like my “Journey through Cancer,” it is not for myself alone.
Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 14 – Unexpected Turns – More about Ritual
When I was growing up, we were poor by most standards. While we might be able to decorate for Christmas inside the house a little, albeit one year with a tree that was two limbs from a neighbor's cedar tree tied together, we could never afford to have outside decorations. Nevertheless, we did enjoy looking at Christmas decorations especially at Black's Department Store in downtown Plant City. Although the owners were Jewish, they created the most beautiful displays for Christmas. We also developed the tradition of driving around town to look at the decorations that others put up. Even in her last years, Mom enjoyed doing this.
This Christmas eve my sister, our friend, Alice, and I drove around town a little to look at decorations. However, we kept our drive more limited than previous years, driving by the displays set up by the city and keeping closer to our own homes. Nevertheless, it was quite pleasant. We followed up by opening presents. I couldn't afford to give much this year. I had a small gift for Alice and haven't made my sister's gift yet, although she does know what it will be.
On Christmas Day we joined just a few friends at All World Acres for a quiet celebration. Notable in this was a Crystal Bowl meditation which I find to be very healing. As usual I entered the same altered state of consciousness that I normally do. At first I seemed to be struggling with racing thoughts, and then, the sound of the last bowl is ending.
One day soon my sister and I will continue with one of our family traditions, putting flowers at the graves in the family plot. Our grandmother kept up this, and then our mother did and now we are doing it, in our turn.
This Christmas eve my sister, our friend, Alice, and I drove around town a little to look at decorations. However, we kept our drive more limited than previous years, driving by the displays set up by the city and keeping closer to our own homes. Nevertheless, it was quite pleasant. We followed up by opening presents. I couldn't afford to give much this year. I had a small gift for Alice and haven't made my sister's gift yet, although she does know what it will be.
On Christmas Day we joined just a few friends at All World Acres for a quiet celebration. Notable in this was a Crystal Bowl meditation which I find to be very healing. As usual I entered the same altered state of consciousness that I normally do. At first I seemed to be struggling with racing thoughts, and then, the sound of the last bowl is ending.
One day soon my sister and I will continue with one of our family traditions, putting flowers at the graves in the family plot. Our grandmother kept up this, and then our mother did and now we are doing it, in our turn.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 14 – Unexpected Turns – Sequel
We often fail to realize the role that ritual plays in our ordinary lives. When something like my recent hospitalization disrupts our daily rituals, we can see better how much we depend on them. With my present radiation treatments my chief side effect is fatigue. My own daily ritual for weekdays has now evolved to be rather simple. After sleeping as late as possible, I rise and have breakfast, do “Daily Offering,” both general and for Dzambhala, take a shower and drive to my radiation therapy session. After my radiation treatment, I collect my travel pay, get gas, and then buy myself a treat of tea or coffee, Thai tea from Boba Internet Cafe, hot spiced chai latte from Kaleisia Tea Lounge, or a good coffee from either Cafe Kili or Coffee 101. When I get to my house, I mark off the date on my “short-timer's calendar.” I follow that with a nap.
In the evening, after supper, I have daily prayers together with at least the short form of White Tara and Medicine Buddha practice. If my strength permits, I do 21 prostrations. At that rate it will take 5291 days to do my 111,111 prostrations for Ngondro practice. When I get my strength back, I'll have to pick up the pace. I then take down the offerings and clean and dry the glasses.
With the effects of the Lasix that I take to keep off the excess fluid that Prednisone is likely to cause to build up, all of this is frequently interrupted by trips to the bathroom. I don't consider meditating or going to bed until after the action of the Lasix seems to have subsided. I give myself ten to twenty minutes for simple “calm abiding” meditation or watching my breathing. I sometimes manage to take a few minutes for this while I wait for my radiation treatments.
While I was hospitalized, this routine was broken up. I had thought that the idea of another kind of medical problem had been the source of my disturbance then, but I am now convinced that it was the disruption of my daily rituals. Even with the way the weekday drive to and from the hospital wears on me, there is something comforting in the sameness of the routine, the familiarity of the commonplace. Furthermore, the coffee or tea treat and the marking of the calendar give me a positive enjoyment to which I can look forward.
Being less than half way through my whole course of treatment and with the increasing degree of fatigue, I know that I will soon need to avail myself of the help of friends who have offered to drive for me. With Christmas day coming and Federal employees being given the day after Christmas as another holiday by the President, we patients are being given a long weekend off from treatments. I plan to take full advantage of the time to rest. My Christmas day activities don't start until 4 PM and I don't plan to stay up late. The day after Christmas being a New Moon, I plan to do a “Liberation of Animals from the Danger of Death” as well as Dzambhala water offering and an Achi tea offering. Otherwise, I plan to rest Friday and Saturday to prepare myself to be able to participate in a “sobriety sweat” on Saturday night. That will still give me Sunday to rest before my treatments resume on Monday.
However, Sunday will also be the first time for me to be able to sign on with the Tongren cancer group online. That will become part of my weekly ritual until the cancer is gone. Somewhere in the course of this long weekend, I want to do Amitayus Long Life practice, possibly turning some small part of the time into my own retreat. Indeed all these practices and offerings are going to be done by myself alone. Nevertheless, as with all of our Tibetan Buddhist practices, they are done not only for my benefit, but for the benefit of all sentient beings.
Likewise this journey is not for myself alone. As I have written before, I realize that it originates in my own karma, but its benefits are not just for the working out of that alone because others can also benefit from it as well. Daily I see the same other people who are going through radiation therapy also. In addition there are new people starting every week. We support and encourage each other. For my next session I plan to take in some pictures to share that a friend sent me, military humor that can be appreciated by other veterans as well. We need to maintain a sense of humor lest things get just too grim.
In the evening, after supper, I have daily prayers together with at least the short form of White Tara and Medicine Buddha practice. If my strength permits, I do 21 prostrations. At that rate it will take 5291 days to do my 111,111 prostrations for Ngondro practice. When I get my strength back, I'll have to pick up the pace. I then take down the offerings and clean and dry the glasses.
With the effects of the Lasix that I take to keep off the excess fluid that Prednisone is likely to cause to build up, all of this is frequently interrupted by trips to the bathroom. I don't consider meditating or going to bed until after the action of the Lasix seems to have subsided. I give myself ten to twenty minutes for simple “calm abiding” meditation or watching my breathing. I sometimes manage to take a few minutes for this while I wait for my radiation treatments.
While I was hospitalized, this routine was broken up. I had thought that the idea of another kind of medical problem had been the source of my disturbance then, but I am now convinced that it was the disruption of my daily rituals. Even with the way the weekday drive to and from the hospital wears on me, there is something comforting in the sameness of the routine, the familiarity of the commonplace. Furthermore, the coffee or tea treat and the marking of the calendar give me a positive enjoyment to which I can look forward.
Being less than half way through my whole course of treatment and with the increasing degree of fatigue, I know that I will soon need to avail myself of the help of friends who have offered to drive for me. With Christmas day coming and Federal employees being given the day after Christmas as another holiday by the President, we patients are being given a long weekend off from treatments. I plan to take full advantage of the time to rest. My Christmas day activities don't start until 4 PM and I don't plan to stay up late. The day after Christmas being a New Moon, I plan to do a “Liberation of Animals from the Danger of Death” as well as Dzambhala water offering and an Achi tea offering. Otherwise, I plan to rest Friday and Saturday to prepare myself to be able to participate in a “sobriety sweat” on Saturday night. That will still give me Sunday to rest before my treatments resume on Monday.
However, Sunday will also be the first time for me to be able to sign on with the Tongren cancer group online. That will become part of my weekly ritual until the cancer is gone. Somewhere in the course of this long weekend, I want to do Amitayus Long Life practice, possibly turning some small part of the time into my own retreat. Indeed all these practices and offerings are going to be done by myself alone. Nevertheless, as with all of our Tibetan Buddhist practices, they are done not only for my benefit, but for the benefit of all sentient beings.
Likewise this journey is not for myself alone. As I have written before, I realize that it originates in my own karma, but its benefits are not just for the working out of that alone because others can also benefit from it as well. Daily I see the same other people who are going through radiation therapy also. In addition there are new people starting every week. We support and encourage each other. For my next session I plan to take in some pictures to share that a friend sent me, military humor that can be appreciated by other veterans as well. We need to maintain a sense of humor lest things get just too grim.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 14 – Unexpected Turns
Wednesday, I got to the VA as usual for my scheduled radiation therapy session, but, as I all too often do, I was experiencing a little lightheadedness and unsteadiness as I got out of my truck. I just thought that this was a little problem of low blood pressure because I take so many meds that affect it and can seriously lower it when I take them to close together. I assumed that it would pass as it often does.
I went on to my radiation session and then collected my travel pay. However, when I was heading back to my truck, I realized that I was still feeling the same unsteadiness and wobbliness. At that point I decided that I should go back to RTU to get one of the nurses to check my blood pressure. To my surprise, it was normal. I then considered that the feeling might also have been caused by high blood sugar. The nurse to me to the ER to have that checked, which turned out to be perfectly normal.
The nurses decided that this needed follow up and I was admitted to the ER. The ER physician called in a Neurology consult. When the neurologist's work up did not detect anything, she decided that I should be admitted to the hospital “overnight” for “observation” and testing.
“Overnight” stretched into three days with me wearing a heart monitor and going to test after test. I managed to still get my radiation treatments among all the tests. Since the symptoms that got me admitted were soon long gone, all of the testing has served to tell what is alright with me. With the time that I spent as an inpatient, I did get to share my Buddhist perspectives on my present circumstances and on life in general.
Finally, I was discharged from the hospital on Saturday with just enough time to get a short nap, have a bite of supper, and then drive with my sister to a witchy friend's Solstice celebration. Besides being in the general form of a ritual in the reclaiming tradition of Witchcraft as taught by Starhawk, it was specifically directed toward getting rid of something negative and seeking to receive something else positive in its place. Of course, it began with the usual preliminaries. I asperged everyone with water using a sprig of rosemary which I gave to each person as a remembrance of what we did. This was followed by calling the quarters and casting the circle and summoning deities. I called on Quan Yin, because this was particularly appropriate for me. Then we came to the “magical working” with a fire lit in the cauldron. As we chanted, “Dark of the year, wheel is turning. Dark of the moon, open up your heart. Dark of our lives, what we envision will come to be with the new born light,” our friend went to each of us in turn. She asked us what we wanted to give up. I said, “Disease.” I thought not only of myself, but also of my friend, Liz, who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.
A second time she went around the group as we chanted “Dark of the year, wheel is turning. Dark of the moon, open up your heart. Dark of our lives, what we envision will come to be with the new born light.” This time she asked us what we wanted new in our lives. I said , “Life.” Again I thought not only of myself, but also of my friend, Liz.
Thistle commented that the last time my sister and I attended on of her rituals the handle of her cauldron burned off and this time it did too. For myself, I noticed that unlike my last time at a fire circle when I could not get warm, this time I was definitely absorbing energy from the fire. Although others had needed to put on jackets, I was still comfortable in my T-shirt.
After we had sent out the healing energy, dismissed the quarters and the deities and open the circle we went inside and “grounded” ourselves with food. We also got the chance to socialize and continue the process of getting acquainted that began before the ritual. In this situation, I did get to express my view that my present journey is not only for myself but for the benefit of others as well.
I went on to my radiation session and then collected my travel pay. However, when I was heading back to my truck, I realized that I was still feeling the same unsteadiness and wobbliness. At that point I decided that I should go back to RTU to get one of the nurses to check my blood pressure. To my surprise, it was normal. I then considered that the feeling might also have been caused by high blood sugar. The nurse to me to the ER to have that checked, which turned out to be perfectly normal.
The nurses decided that this needed follow up and I was admitted to the ER. The ER physician called in a Neurology consult. When the neurologist's work up did not detect anything, she decided that I should be admitted to the hospital “overnight” for “observation” and testing.
“Overnight” stretched into three days with me wearing a heart monitor and going to test after test. I managed to still get my radiation treatments among all the tests. Since the symptoms that got me admitted were soon long gone, all of the testing has served to tell what is alright with me. With the time that I spent as an inpatient, I did get to share my Buddhist perspectives on my present circumstances and on life in general.
Finally, I was discharged from the hospital on Saturday with just enough time to get a short nap, have a bite of supper, and then drive with my sister to a witchy friend's Solstice celebration. Besides being in the general form of a ritual in the reclaiming tradition of Witchcraft as taught by Starhawk, it was specifically directed toward getting rid of something negative and seeking to receive something else positive in its place. Of course, it began with the usual preliminaries. I asperged everyone with water using a sprig of rosemary which I gave to each person as a remembrance of what we did. This was followed by calling the quarters and casting the circle and summoning deities. I called on Quan Yin, because this was particularly appropriate for me. Then we came to the “magical working” with a fire lit in the cauldron. As we chanted, “Dark of the year, wheel is turning. Dark of the moon, open up your heart. Dark of our lives, what we envision will come to be with the new born light,” our friend went to each of us in turn. She asked us what we wanted to give up. I said, “Disease.” I thought not only of myself, but also of my friend, Liz, who has just been diagnosed with breast cancer.
A second time she went around the group as we chanted “Dark of the year, wheel is turning. Dark of the moon, open up your heart. Dark of our lives, what we envision will come to be with the new born light.” This time she asked us what we wanted new in our lives. I said , “Life.” Again I thought not only of myself, but also of my friend, Liz.
Thistle commented that the last time my sister and I attended on of her rituals the handle of her cauldron burned off and this time it did too. For myself, I noticed that unlike my last time at a fire circle when I could not get warm, this time I was definitely absorbing energy from the fire. Although others had needed to put on jackets, I was still comfortable in my T-shirt.
After we had sent out the healing energy, dismissed the quarters and the deities and open the circle we went inside and “grounded” ourselves with food. We also got the chance to socialize and continue the process of getting acquainted that began before the ritual. In this situation, I did get to express my view that my present journey is not only for myself but for the benefit of others as well.
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