Life Changing Events

When we think of life changing events, we usually think of dramatic things such as marriages, divorces, car wrecks, diseases like cancer, deaths of loved ones, or even taking monastic vows. I have had all of those which were indeed life changing. However, perhaps the most life changing event of my life up to now was much quieter but no less profound.

Barely more than two months after being ordained as a “getsul,” a novice Tibetan Buddhist monk, in the Drikung Kagyu lineage, I went to our Boston center to help with the preparations for teachings and empowerments by His Holiness Chetsang Rinpoche, one of the two throne holders of our lineage. In other words he is one of the two top monks in our order in the whole world.

I very much enjoyed the peace of meditation and sadhana practice with the Jowo Rinpoche statue alone. The center was actually very quiet during my first days there, but it was not long before the preparations began in earnest. From that point until the day that His Holiness arrived, each day saw a higher level of activity together with more stress which sadly took its toll on some of the members there. Fortunately, the positive energies of this mahasiddha soon reached us as we became part of the mandala of a bodhisattva's action in the world. Solutions to problems seemed to present themselves with amazing ease. Peace and cooperation became dominant.

When the day of His Holiness' arrival at the center finally came, the welcoming ceremony, which had been planned, now had to be finalized. Persons were chosen for each part of the ceremony. The Khenpo who was arranging these things said that a monk should hold the ceremonial yellow parasol. Since he and I were the only monks present at the time, the honor fell to me, not due to any worthiness on my part but simply by virtue of my ordination alone. However, to put into perspective how great an honor I felt I had been granted, my Lama had been chosen to perform this same function at another location. Furthermore, I could not entertain any illusion that I deserved such an honor when my Lama was still having to correct me on the wearing of my robes.

When His Holiness finally arrived and the ceremony began, I was elated first by his smile as he got out of the car and then by my role in this beautiful ceremony which sought to express how we felt about the very great privilege of his visit. Even now, weeks afterward, the elation has not fully subsided, in part due to the continued opportunities to receive teachings and empowerments from him as well as to just be in his presence. Many Tibetan families in the Boston area invited him to their homes both for the great blessing that such a visit represented and also as the occasion of giving him the offering of their hospitality. Although I was the last and least of all the Drikung monastics, I was privileged to be included in these lunch and dinner invitations. Therefore, I was able to glimpse his interactions with so many different people and to witness his great compassion and loving kindness as well as his perfect equanimity. Furthermore, both he and my Lama were training me as a monk.

At all these homes people were putting before us what they regarded as their best. I was responsible to receive it with gratitude and grace, for their benefit, whether I deserved it or not, whether I liked it or not. Even as the last and least of all the Drikung monks, in this situation I represented all my brother monks especially those more worthy than I. Perhaps the most important lesson from my cancer was that I do not do good things for my benefit alone, but rather for the benefit of all sentient beings. That lesson was continued in the circumstances of my ordination and now in yet another situation.

It soon became apparent to me that Rinpoche's delight in our efforts, our deference and our gifts came not from receiving them for himself but rather from knowing the great spiritual benefit that they are to us. It was one more way that he was taking care of us. Since taking the throne of our lineage, he has worked tirelessly to preserve the great spiritual treasures of its teachings and empowerments as well as rebuilding the monastic and educational life to continue them far into the future. Furthermore, he does not just leave it to others to share these spiritual treasures with everyone. He has traveled so extensively throughout the world and especially in the West to bring this great wealth to a culture which suffers from such a great spiritual poverty. Perhaps his having lived under Chinese Communism and its Cultural Revolution, gives him a particular perspective on the ultimate development of modernity without anything spiritual which in turn shows how deeply we in the West need the Dharma.

As the last and least of all the Drikung monks, it was entirely appropriate that my interview with Rinpoche should be among the last. Furthermore, since I really did not have any questions, it was also fitting that it would be brief. I was able to introduce myself as both an old man and a new monk in our lineage. When he asked whether I was from Boston, I was able to tell him that although I was from Florida, I wanted to spend more time in Boston in the summers to be close to my Lama. He agreed that it would be a good thing for me to do just that.

When he left by car to go to Vermont, I grieved to see him leave, but I also had the opportunity to again see his love for all sentient beings when I saw how he delighted to see the dog of one of the people from the local community. Furthermore, I could look forward to returning to Florida to prepare for his teachings in my home area. I was able to arrive back early enough for the last of the scheduled work days although I was to discover that the work had already been done. Nevertheless, I was not denied the merit of helping in these preparations, because I was given some flowers to repot and I could share my experience from His Holiness' visit to Boston.

I was most fortunate to be able to greet Rinpoche as he arrived at the airport in Tampa and then to attend all the teachings and empowerments. In fact, it was a very great blessing to receive the Five-fold Mahamudra Torma empowerment a second time so soon after the first I received from His Holiness. This is but one more way that my entire time with His Holiness, whether receiving teachings and empowerments or sharing meals or just being in his presence, has been so life changing.

I deeply regret that my age and health kept me from attending the Blessing of the Gulf of Mexico and all beings affected by the recent oil spill which His Holiness did this morning. I have felt so troubled not only by the great loss of life but also by the lack of any uproar over it. At least the local Tibetan Buddhist community could ask for this and His Holiness fulfilled the request out of their compassion for all beings.

Sometimes I forget that the profound awareness of my own mortality that had so much to do with my aspiration to be ordained came from the living experience of surviving stuff for all of my life. From the aortic defect with which I was born through the car wreck that nearly killed me in more than one way to the prostate cancer from whose treatment I just finished recovering, just to mention the big stuff, I have in fact survived to not only find the Dharma but also to commit myself totally to it for the benefit of all sentient beings. The little residual effects of some of these life threatening events are necessary to help me remember.

I am most fortunate to have had the karmic seeds of my past bear fruit in the way they did. Not only has a lot of negative karma been cleansed, but in these circumstances of my life a treasury of experience has been built up to use in the service of others. Furthermore, they helped motivate my monastic aspiration both in order that I not continue to plant that kind of karmic seeds and in order that everything that I am and everything that I have may be committed to the service of the ultimate enlightenment of all sentient beings.

Finally, I have been so fortunate as to meet and recognize two mahasiddhas. How many other people never meet even one or at least never recognize one when they meet him or her? His Eminence Garchen Rinpoche and His Holiness Chetsang Rinpoche are now lasting parts of my life both by the effects they have already had on my life and by the ways that they shall influence and shape my life in the future. Thanks to something mentioned by another Western monastic, I now have the aspiration to be in Dehra Dun, India, or wherever His Holiness is in November 2011. I have no idea how that may be possible, but I must remember that my own ordination happened when it was not expected. Furthermore, if it comes to pass, it shall not be for my benefit alone but for the benefit of all sentient beings.

His Holiness Moves On

After almost a week with us, His Holiness Chetsang Rinpoche resumed his travels, being driven to Vajra Dakini Nunnery in Vermont. His stay here was an amazingly great blessing to all of us. I not only had the opportunity to learn from him in the formal teachings, but I also learned from him and his attendants as we visited Tibetan families in the area. For those families it was a very great blessing to offer him as well as us the hospitality of their homes. It is a good thing that I enjoy butter tea, because I drank a lot of it! More importantly, I saw the great devotion that so many people have for His Holiness and the great loving-kindness and compassion that he has for all sentient beings.

In From the Heart of Tibet, the biography of His Holiness by Elmar Gruber, the author talks about the way in which every action of a bodhisattva is for the specific purpose of fulfilling the goal of bringing about the enlightenment of all sentient beings. Furthermore, taken together such actions essentially create a mandala for that purpose. I have seen the clear non-randomness of the actions of both my Lama and His Holiness. In his teachings he explained that loving-kindness is the feeling that one has upon seeing an adorable baby and that compassion is the feeling that arises when we see the severely disadvantaged or seriously ill or disabled. He said that we need to meditate on these feelings to extend them to all sentient beings. It is evident that he has just such feelings for all of us.

I believe that a most profound change has come about in my perspectives as well as a major development in my monastic life. As part of His Holiness' mandala, I am a vehicle for the expression of loving-kindness and compassion. Furthermore, the phowa practice that is fundamental to my evening practice has a new depth.

I was fortunate enough to be able to have an interview with him, although I did not really have any questions. He asked whether I live in Boston. I told him that I live in Florida, but want to spend my summers up here to be of service and to be close to my Lama. He said that is a good thing. Furthermore, I told him that although I am old, I am one of his newer monks. Finally, I told him that I look forward to seeing him in Florida.

In all the visits to Tibetan families as well as sitting at the dining table with His Holiness' attendants, I found my self immersed in Tibetan conversations. Additionally, after his last teaching, His Holiness addressed the local Tibetan community followed by the chanting of special prayers. In all of this I only understood a word here and there and only comprehended the general meaning a couple of times. Nevertheless, it all felt so familiar. At one point in my stay here, a discussion arose on how best to learn Tibetan. Of course, the conclusion was that immersion is best and several ways of accomplishing that were suggested.

A Gelugpa gelong with whom I correspond on the computer told me, when I informed him of my ordination, to be “prepared of an exciting ride.” This week has definitely been an clearcut example of that. Of course, there were so many opportunities to share the Dharma. Furthermore, I had the chance repeatedly to recall interdependent origination and karmic causality. I am nothing special, merely the result of certain causes under certain conditions, basic cause and effect. From the beginning of this lifetime with its causes and conditions I am growing and changing due to the present conditions which include my friends and my teachers. If there is anything meritorious that I have done or will yet do for the benefit of all sentient beings, it is the result of those causes and conditions which means parents, grandparents, family, friends, teachers, and my Lama. They are truly deserving of the credit!

After this time with His Holiness Drikung Kyabgon Chetsang Rinpoche, he is also one of those who have shaped who and what I am!

His Holiness Arrives

The work kept continuing and the level of activity seemed to keep increasing. Unfortunately, it was hard for everyone to not stress over the amount of work that needed to be done and concern that things might not get finished or might fall short of our goals. Nevertheless, positive energy that I must attribute to His Holiness' giving us his help in our tasks clearly made things happen which might not otherwise come about.

Repairs were happening with amazing ease that I had anticipated to be much more complicated. Volunteers showed up to do tasks that could not otherwise get done. Meals were prepared almost spontaneously even amazing the cooks who prepared them as far as matching the number of diners and suiting their tastes so well.

Nevertheless, it seemed that so much remained to be done that we could not possibly finish it. On the day His Holiness was to arrive rooms still needed to be prepared and matched to the occupants since there are two tulkus and so many khenpos and lamas. We did not have a confirmation from either the Tibetan or the Chinese dancers that they would in fact be here. Hardly any of us knew what our specific role would be in the formal welcoming ceremony.

However, when we had the warning that they were about 30 minutes away, tasks were assigned by Khenpo Choepel. He made the statement that the yellow parasol should be carried by a monk. At that particular moment he and I were the only monastics here, resulting in my being chosen for this role. Unfortunately, the time estimate was a little off. After we had stood waiting for a long time, His Holiness and his attendants and one tulku finally arrived. Since I am shorter than His Holiness and the attendant who walked beside him, this did turn out to be a great exercise in mindfulness and concentration. Nevertheless, I performed my duties without error and felt the great honor that it was to have this role in the welcoming ceremony.

I had planned to be taking lots of photographs of His Holiness' arrival and to give him a small bunch of carnations. I was able to do neither of those two things, but instead did something much more wonderful. It is so hard to express how I felt or even how I now feel. I have been in the presence of a great being and was blessed to be able to serve him.

We are all quite tired, having been moving steadily since we awoke this morning, but we all seem to have a glow about us that comes from having served a mahasiddha. We have received his blessing which is a powerful thing. His great love and compassion for all sentient beings is both obvious and clearly felt. With that our tiredness has a very satisfying, contented feeling to it.

As the last and the least of the Drikung Kagyu monks, especially in the company of such outstanding monastics, I am finding myself more comfortable with the honor shown to me as a monk. For me the key is that I remember that it is not for me personally but rather for all Tibetan Buddhist monastics together. Furthermore, I also remember the eighth precept which prohibits “sitting on a high or expensive bed or throne” which, in part has to do with taking a more honored place. Whether is is a matter of my place in the shrine or temple or my place at the dining table, I wait to be told where to sit unless the place is totally obvious as in the case of being the newest monk, meaning that my place would be the very last.

I am most blessed to be under the same roof with a mahasiddha. I look forward to the time that I will be able to be in his presence and to work for him. Moreover I am most anxious to be able to receive teachings and empowerments. It is as though I were to be taught by Shakyamuni Buddha himself.

Preparing for a Precious Holy Guest

There are now only three days until His Holiness Chetsang Rinpoche arrives here. The whole community connected to this Dharma Center is working on various aspects of the preparations. Those who reside in this house are giving up their rooms to make them available to all the khenpos and lamas who will be traveling with His Holiness or will be coming for this occasion. Additional “lama-ware” had to be bought, because there will probably more senior monastics staying here than have ever stayed here at one time.

Special decorations are being made for the occasion. Special prayer books are being printed for the events that will be held here in Arlington, MA. An HD camcorder was bought to supplement the professional video that will document this visit by the head of our lineage. I have even been checking that my digital SLR is fully ready and that my graphic software in the laptop is up to date.

The grounds and the building are getting a more thorough cleaning than they have had in quite some time. Today, in addition to all the other housecleaning happening, a senior ngakpa and I will clean the actual Jowo shrine. When our Lama gets back from New York, it had better be perfect!

We have cooks preparing different meals for every day that His Holiness stays here. Lama has been lining up members of the community who want to host Rinpoche for a dinner which will be a great blessing for them. A professional florist associated with the Center will prepare flower arrangements to beautify the Center. Donors have even provided for an air conditioner for the lama room to ensure that it does not get too hot for His Holiness.

All these efforts and all the labor that is being expended in these preparations is, in the final analysis, for our own benefit, arising out of our feelings for His Holiness and our profound respect for him. While we are in fact doing everything unselfishly to express honor to a mahasiddha, because he is in actuality just that, he will receive it in perfect equanimity. Nevertheless he will be pleased by it, not on account of what he receives, but on account of the love and compassion which we have generated and the great merit that we will accumulate.

Having read the biography of His Holiness Chetsang Rinpoche, The Heart of Tibet , as well as knowing the great regard that His Holiness the Dalai Lama and His Eminence Garchen Rinpoche have for him, I have absolutely no doubt that he is indeed a mahasiddha. Not only was his compassion, equanimity, and moral fortitude developed in the most difficult conditions of the occupation of Tibet by China, but it had already been formed during his previous rebirths. We are most fortunate to receive teachings and empowerments from such a spiritual giant.

Doubtless just as important for us as well as important to him would be our spiritual preparations for his arrival. One of the residents here made a silent retreat before the level of activity and stress got out of hand. Lama has stayed as close to His Holiness as possible through the teachings that were close enough for him to attend. As for myself, I have sought to follow Khenchen Rinpoche's advice that the best thing I can do for the benefit of all sentient beings is to keep my vows. Furthermore, I strive to keep the instructions of my Lama. Therefore, I have begun Ngondro Practice (although at the present rate it will take 14 ½ years to complete the prostrations) and have started studying The Jewel Ornament of Liberation and strive to find all the small ways to be of service here.

When His Holiness took the throne as Chetsang Rinpoche, one of the two throne holders of the Drikung Kagyu lineage, the order was in a sad state in the Diaspora. Since then he has built it into a powerful spiritual force with both new and reconstructed monasteries as well as Dharma Centers worldwide. Why has he done this? He has done it to benefit all sentient beings, to bring them to enlightenment. This, too, should be our goal.

Precious Human Life

From the four thoughts that turn the mind to the Dharma, “Oh! This kind of leisure and endowment is supremely difficult to obtain. When we obtain this body, which is easily lost, do not waste it meaninglessly but use it to attain the ultimate liberation – joyous result.” This is talking about what we call precious human life which is indeed most precious and quite rare.

When one considers all of the different forms of life on this planet, human beings are but a tiny minority here. Furthermore, having the “leisure and endowment” makes “precious human life” rarer even than just being born human. “ Leisure” refers to having time and energy not devoted to survival that one may invest in the study and practice of the Dharma. “ Endowment” refers to having the mental or physical capacity for such study and practice and to have the contact with the Dharma.

Today I made a thrift store shopping trip during which I found nothing for which I was searching. However, I did look around and reflected that I was most fortunate to have “precious human life.” While sitting on a bench resting from my walk, I saw a young man passing by me who obviously was dealing with frightful visions that stood between him and interacting with other human beings. Others were struggling to obtain the basic necessities. Still others were caught up in the dramas of their lives. Yet others faced Down's Syndrome or other mental challenges.

For all of these persons I felt great compassion both for the struggles they faced and for their lack of the opportunity to study and practice the Dharma. At the same time I felt the deepest gratitude for the opportunity that I have both to study and to practice the Dharma. I could just as easily been born in similar circumstances or just been oblivious to the Dharma. Indeed, I know that I have had other rebirths in which I had no contact with the Dharma.

On his occasion as on many others when I am out and about I was chanting mantras silently. Some time as I am starting out I say the short refuge prayer and the “four immeasurables” to establish the right motivation. After chanting whatever mantras I have been chanting I will dedicate the merit with a brief prayer. I actually think of this as protecting myself as best I can from the mental poisons, because a mantra is quite literally “mind protection.” However, tonight as we were doing Green Tara practice, I realized that I had given to all these suffering persons a real help, the only help I was able to give them, my mantra recitation, because most of the time I had been chanting the Green Tara mantra.

I do not have the financial wealth to help them. In fact when I dug in my bag to give to one man I only found a few nickels and pennies. Nor do I have professional expertise to deal with their conditions. I clearly do not have siddhis to help them by miraculous means. Nevertheless, I did give them the help that I do have for them.

In this lifetime I actually had my first contact with the Dharma quite early although I ignored it for so many years. It is only at this late age that I have devoted attention and energy to the study and practice of the Dharma. I am most fortunate to have been granted ordination in order that I may devote myself to this for the rest of my life no matter how long or short.

I cannot know whether I have enough years left in this life to attain enlightenment, the “joyous result,” but I rather doubt it. Nevertheless, I can draw closer to it and perhaps accumulate the merit for the positive Karma to have not only another “precious human life” but also an earlier contact and devotion to the Dharma. Lama has said that I must have done something right in my previous rebirths to have the opportunities that I have had in this present lifetime.

Whatever the future may hold, whether in this lifetime or in a future rebirth, I do have the most precious chance to work not only for my own benefit but also for the benefit of all sentient beings. Indeed that is the most important effort we may make. Therefore I am certain that it was not useless or meaningless that I was silently chanting some Chenrezig mantras and even more Tara mantras and dedicating them “ for the benefit of all sentient beings.” I truly want the compassion that I felt for and the intention that I directed toward all these suffering people to bear fruit for their benefit.

UnSouthern Potato Salad

One of the folks here at Drikung Meditation Center Boston boiled a few potatoes and even cut them up, but left them with a note for someone to make potato salad with them. Not being anywhere near a gourmet cook, I left them alone, thinking someone else would do it. However, when it got around to late Sunday afternoon, it was clear that no one had that intention yet. Therefore, being a Southern boy, I do know a little about potato salad. Thus I set out to make a batch of potato salad.

In my mind I have the list of ingredients that I am accustomed to using in a Southern potato salad. I started looking for them and soon realized that I would have to do a little substituting. I couldn't find sweet pickle relish but found other pickles and chopped up a few. I couldn't find any celery, but found half of a large bell pepper and chopped it up. The only form of garlic was whole cloves, one of which I chopped as finely as I could. There was mayonnaise but there was only spicy brown mustard. However, the French's spicy brown was close enough to yellow that I used it. When I was looking for ingredients, I had seen fresh basil and fresh tarragon and couldn't resist chopping up a little of both to go in my potato salad. Finally, I had boiled two eggs which I now chopped up and threw in.

Putting it all in a large enough mixing bowl to give me room to thoroughly mix it, I stirred it all together. I was careful that I did not tear up the egg whites to keep them visible in the finished salad. At this point I added the mustard to be able to judge how much to add by the color it imparted.

After I put it in a container to put into the refrigerator, I sat down to write this blog. Only then did I realize that I had left out the one ingredient specifically bought for the potato salad, onion. I went back into the kitchen, chopped up half an onion and added it. Now my potato salad was finished.

Almost nothing about the potato salad was according to plan. Nevertheless, based on my own taste test, it came out fine. At least it suits my tastes, although I may be the only one who likes it.

In the bigger picture of things, from the time that I took refuge as a Tibetan Buddhist, nothing has gone according to plan. Nevertheless, I wound up with enough Dharma active in my life to see me through the diagnosis of cancer, its treatment, and the recovery from that treatment. Not only that, I was able to turn the burning up of all the negative Karma that the disease process represented into something positive for my own benefit as well as that of other sentient beings. Now I sit here a Tibetan Buddhist monk, albeit a “baby monk.”

Sleeping Late

Today I got up at 7:00 AM. If I were back in Florida, that would be getting up early. However, here at Drikung Meditation Center Boston, that is sleeping late. It isn't that someone is setting a time that I should awake, but rather that I have been getting up between 5:00 and 6:00 AM except for the first two mornings when I was still getting over the lack of sleep on the train.

This would not feel like sleeping late except for the things I missed about the morning that went with the earlier wake up time. Those other days I was up before anyone in the house. My first meditation of the day and sometimes even my morning practice was in a totally quiet house. That felt like a very special time alone with the Jowo Rinpoche statue.

Nevertheless, I did get to do Vajrasattva practice with the Sunday morning Dharma group. That makes the second time for that practice since I got here. We have been familiarizing ourselves with things that will be done differently when His Holiness is here. Certain prayers will be slightly different with the teachings and empowerments. We were even learning his name not just his title and position. We also talked about the subjects of his teachings as well as materials which we may read in order to prepare ourselves individually for these teachings and empowerments.

Ironically, after sleeping two hours later than usual and even going to bed an hour earlier than I have been, giving me three hours more sleep, I find myself yawning. Today is a drizzly day. Rain always makes me sleepy. It often feels like there is nothing better to do on a rainy day than sleep. However, I still have things that need to get done. I haven't done my nine round breathing or my morning practice yet. I want to make a batch of Southern potato salad from boiled potatoes left in the refrigerator a couple of days ago. I think that will be a treat not only for myself, but also for other residents of the house.

I look forward to finding time in Lama's schedule in the coming week for us to have some of the talks we probably should have had before I was ordained. Not only that but there are certain circumstances which have arisen since ordination with which I must deal. I guess it all comes down to, “ What should I be doing now that I am a monk?” Furthermore, I need for him to really define my responsibility with regard to Katsel Meditation Tampa. There is even the matter of the group at the Unity Church in Plant City who want a meditation class. What we do, we do for the benefit of all sentient beings and this should include these seekers.