Why I HAD to Go to Walgreens in the Middle of a Thunderstorm.

Recently, while traveling, my hearing aid signaled that the battery was getting low. Although I searched my bag thoroughly, I could not find the package of batteries that I carry for such occasions. I decide to go to Walgreens to get a new pack before my hearing aid shut off which I managed to do just I in time. Shortly afterward I noticed the package of batteries in my bag that I couldn't find before. I then joked, "I guess someone at Walgreens needed to see a monk."

However, that is not just a joke. I have long heard that it is a great blessing just to see a monk. Although no one said just how it was a blessing, just as it says in the Mahamangala Sutra, “Stanza IX

27. Khantii: Patience

28. Sovacassataa: Meekness when corrected.

29. Sama.naana~n ca dassana.m: Meeting (seeing) monks.

30. Kaalena dhammasaakacchaa: Discussing the Dhamma at the proper time.” However, I did find the following list on a Theravadan web site:

“The Benefits of seeing a true monk

1. Makes us aware of our responsibilities to cultivate meritorious deed.

2. Inspires us to follow the good manner and conduct of the true monk.

3. Enables us to have the right view and greater wisdom in way of life.

4. Becomes a non-recklessness person.

5. Seen as a person who fully pays homage to the Triple gems.

6. Enables us to attain the threefold treasure: Mundane treasure, Celestial treasure and Nirvana treasure.

7. Enables us to attain the path and fruits of the Nirvana.”

Bearing such things in mind, a few days ago, in the middle of a thunderstorm, I felt a powerful urge to go to shopping at Walgreens. I had chosen a couple of cleaning products from their weekly ad to purchase, but planned to go at a more “reasonable” time. Nevertheless, obeying my intuition, I went, getting the items I intended to buy and a few others. As I approached the checkout a young man with only one item was also approaching it and I waved him ahead, but he said that I should go ahead of him, which I did. When we had both paid for our purchases, he asked me where my temple was. I explained that our classes were in borrowed facilities.

We then spent several minutes talking about his experiences visiting Tibet several times. We also talked about the realities of the situation in Tibet especially in the light of the recent shut down by Chinese authorities. What are the odds of the only Tibetan Buddhist monk in this redneck town meeting a young American who really understands what is happening in Tibet?

I cannot say whether I may meet this young man again. However, I can hope that, despite my being the last and least of all Drikung Kagyu monks, nevertheless he may receive the blessings of meeting a monk. Thereby, even my most mundane activities may be for the benefit of all sentient beings.

Baby Monk

(Edited from several of my blog posts which I prevously published under the title “A Journey Through Cancer,” this was prepared for public reading for event #5 of LOL, Life Out Loud ( www.lol-lifeoutloud.com) where it was well received.)

October 14, 2008

Just in case you are wondering about my history of romantic relationships, let me tell you this: In my case that history is nil. I have had what I thought at the time were romantic relationships, but were actually something else entirely. First of all, throughout high school I hardly dated at all much less developed any kind of teenage romance. In college the first time, as a budding alcoholic I fell into dating the daughter of an alcoholic which was hardly a romance but rather two sick people supporting each other's sickness. Furthermore, although this was the era of "free love," we hardly even got into heavy petting. Through my first hitch in the Navy, I hardly dated but instead turned to prostitutes for sex. Returning to college from the Navy, I dated even less although I found myself in the company of women. Often they were so comfortable and "safe" with me that they would reveal the most intimate of secrets.
Not long after college, I did marry. This had nothing to do with romance or even "good sex." I filled the requirements for her to get her son out of foster care. I also provided some degree of financial security. Although this was a nightmare of a marriage with her drinking and drugging and semi-psychotic behavior, karmicly it was for the good, because I protected her son from her violence. During my second enlistment in the Navy we divorced. After that, I only dated a few times and had a sexual relationship once before I was discharged. After the Navy, I entered a Russian Orthodox Monastery. From then until now, notwithstanding both an informal renunciation of the monastic vows and a ritualized renunciation of them, in the years since quit being a Christian monk I have not actually dated nor have I had a sexual relationship, not even a single romantic kiss. We're not talking just about a sex life, but about the potential of a real love life!
Reflecting on this sordid history, especially the time after rejecting the constraints of Orthodox Christian monasticism, I have to come to certain conclusions. It is my Karma, for whatever reasons from my present life and my past lives that I am not seen by any woman as being a potential romantic or sexual partner. Since we are in the 21st Century and no longer operating within the limitations of the 1960s, if a woman really were interested, she would make herself known. Indeed one lady who found my MySpace profile interesting did contact me, making her interest known to me. But in spite of our common interests and shared points of view, nothing came of it.
At this late date in my life, facing this constant reminder of my mortality, in 2009, I gave no more energy to even the possibility of romance, sex, or any such thing. Instead, I accepted that the remainder of my life was to be at least as solitary as it had been so far. No wife, no girlfriend, no lover, no partner of any kind. I was instead to be permanently celibate as a Tibetan Buddhist monk. While this was a well -considered decision, its implementation has required mental, emotional and spiritual work for its fulfillment. I am, after all, a heterosexual man with a healthy libido. [pause]

Over time, especially during my drinking years, there were many "close calls"with death. For instance, in 1973 I had a fractured vertebra which should have left me paralyzed but it only served to get me to my first alcohol rehab and my first AA meeting. A few days out of the hospital I drank again. Then in 1983, I fell asleep at the wheel, perched my van in a tree and ended up with both arms broken, a fractured knee, a few holes in me, and various internal injuries.

Two weeks into my hospital stay, my X-rays revealed a traumatic tear of the descending aorta which was "seeping." A thin membrane was keeping me from "bleeding out" into my chest.

Of course all those fractures, have left behind reminders in the arthritic pains especially with storms approaching or in the cold of winter. The repaired tear to the aorta has given me a tendency to make micro-clots that have produced mini-strokes. However, I am still alive and I get to burn off the negative Karma and find ways to be of benefit to sentient beings, feeling, living beings.

In 2008, when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and after hearing the treatment plan the doctors set out for me, I decided to become a monk. Becoming a monk was finally the acceptance of my Karma.

October 9th, I had my first appointment at Radiation Oncology with Dr. Zachariah and his nurse, Joyce. We discussed the plan for my treatment which would begin sooner than expected. It seems that current research indicates no benefit from hormone therapy for patients receiving beam radiation treatments. On the other hand, it could have produced unnecessary side effects, even exacerbating coronary artery disease, which I have to a mild degree. At least now I don't have to face the development of "man boobs" and I get a reprieve from erectile dysfunction.
On December 2nd, I go in for my first treatment session. In all, I would have around 42. Thereafter, Monday through Friday, except for Federal Holidays, I go in every day until all those have been completed.
The radiation has a daunting set of side effects. These start with the minor sensitivity or irritation of the skin through which the beam passes. From there we move through a series of consequences to the bladder, urethra, and rectum which range from minor to very serious. Of course, any discussion of side effects was weighed against the results of the cancer spreading to other organs and tissues. While I was not particularly worried about dying, I'd rather not have to deal with cancer loose in the rest of my body.
September 23, 2011

In the phase called “surveillance,” this monk gets a prostate biopsy which is not something I enjoy having. An enema first thing in the morning is not my idea of a good start to the day.
The nurse calls me in.
It is so strange that I am so comfortable pulling down my shorts there in mixed company. I guess it helps that the nurse has such a masculine manner that she seems more like “one of the guys.” I couldn't say whether this is from her sexual orientation or the aftereffects of a military career, but it is common among VA staff. However it comes about, I am grateful for it, because this is a far more intimate situation than simple nudity. This is more a matter of feeling vulnerable and trusting the crew working on me.
In the lab, with my shorts pulled down and my shantab pulled up I lie on my side as the nurse gives me the local anesthetic to prepare me for the procedure. I chat easily with the nurse and the tech as well as the doctor when he comes in. The small talk helps me be more at ease in such an unnatural situation.
Oddly, despite the overall unnaturalness of the whole situation, everything about the entire procedure seems so familiar and so “normal.” I don't flinch with the spring release on each biopsy needle and even understand the locations that the doctor reports to the nurse to record for each sample. I don't even have the curiosity to see the ultrasound monitor as I had wished to do during the previous biopsies.
This time I know fully what to expect. It won't be quite as easy a recovery as the first one had been, but it won't be too bad either. I'll have a little bleeding, both rectal and urinary, a bit more than some others might because of the blood thinner I normally take, but it won't last all that long. I also know not to be surprised by how much I'll hurt when the anesthetic wears off. After all, the doctor has just jabbed a dozen holes through my rectum into my prostate gland.
Thursday, November 17, 2011.

Finally it is the day for me to get the results of my latest prostate biopsy!!
I am called in to see the doctor. As it turns out I see two doctors, a senior resident and a junior resident.
The junior takes the lead in explaining that my prostate lab test is well within normal bounds, although still not as low as we would wish after radiation therapy. Nevertheless, with no sign of cancer in any biopsy sample we won't be scheduling any more biopsies. Monitoring will just be continuing the lab tests accompanied with digital rectal examinations, [pause] the “finger wave”. In fact, he does one of those today and pronounces, based on that and the labs and the biopsy, that there is no sign of cancer now. I can tell that he lacks experience, because he seems to be SEARCHING for my prostate rather than knowing exactly where it is.
July 19th 2011

When I decided to become a monk, I resigned myself to the “facts” that I could never be a lama and that I could never spend very long in a monastery in India or Nepal. Since my source of health care is the Veterans Administration system, I cannot go longer than six months and still receive my regular medications. When I reflect on my life as I have lived it up to the present moment, I have tried many things, not all of them successfully. Indeed there are a lot that would fall into the category of nonvirtue, but at least not into the category of heinous acts. I know that I am nothing special but just the phenomenon that results from certain causes under certain conditions. I know I am not the ideal monk. I know I am a "baby" Buddhist and "baby" monk.

However, there is nothing that I have ever done that is totally wasted, no matter how much I may regret having done it, as long as it may be turned to the benefit of others.

Journey Through Cancer - Chapter 90 - “Surveillance” continues and beyond

Friday, September 23, 2011:
I really don't want to get up this morning! A prostate biopsy is not something I enjoy having. I may look forward to the results, but I don't look forward to the procedure itself. At least the prep is not that rigorous or unpleasant. Nevertheless, an enema in the morning is not my idea of a good start to the day. Stopping my anti-inflammatory meds for a week has left me stiff and achy this morning. Arthritis can be so unforgiving!
As slow as I'm moving and as unmotivated as I am, it is good that the appointment is not too early. Nevertheless, I have gotten there in plenty of time, but I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be, because they seem to do them in different parts of the hospital every time I have one. Fortunately, I'm swiftly guided to the right waiting room, but don't have to wait long before the nurse calls me.
It is so strange that I am so comfortable pulling down my shorts here in mixed company. I guess it helps that the nurse has such a masculine manner that she seems more like “one of the guys.” I couldn't say whether this is from her sexual orientation or the aftereffects of a military career, but it is common among VA staff. However it comes about, I am grateful for it, because this is a far more intimate situation than simple nudity. This is more a matter of feeling vulnerable and trusting the crew working on me. It reminds me of feelings I have had before anesthesia for surgery.
Of course before we get to the actual procedure, we have the paperwork to do which, ironically, is now paperless. I hate these new digital signature pads! You don't see your writing as you write and when you see it, it is inevitably so unlike your normal signature. I guess you get better with practice, because the doctor's looks the same on the computer as it does on paper.
In the lab, with my shorts pulled down and my shantab pulled up I lie on the gurney on my side as the nurse gives me the local anesthetic to prepare me for the procedure. I chat easily with the nurse and the tech as well as the doctor when he comes in, the small talk that helps me be more at ease in such an unnatural situation. At least this time I am more confident that this is simply routine with nothing to find in the specimens that will be taken.
Oddly, despite the overall unnaturalness of the whole situation, everything about the entire procedure seems so familiar and so “normal.” I don't flinch with the spring release on each biopsy needle and even understand the locations that the doctor reports to the nurse to record for each sample. I don't even have the curiosity to see the ultrasound monitor as I had wished to do do during the previous biopsies.
This time I know fully what to expect. It won't be quite as easy a recovery as the first one had been, but it won't be too bad either. I'll have a little bleeding both rectal and urinary, a bit more than some others might because of the anticoagulants I normally take, but it won't last all that long. I also know not to be surprised by how much I'll hurt when the anesthetic wears off. After all, the doctor has just jabbed a dozen holes through my rectum into my prostate gland. At least knowing how much it will hurt, will make it no surprise and keep me from worrying when it does.

Thursday, November 17, 2011.
Finally it is the day for me to get the results of my latest prostate biopsy!! I did get a preview of the results when a nurse practitioner in another clinic looked at the report, but she couldn't really interpret it except to tell me that the word “carcinoma” was not in it. While that was significantly good news, I really want the full interpretation.
Unfortunately, the Urology/Oncology clinic seems to be running behind today. I was about ten minutes past my appointment time seeing the nurse, but it is now fully an hour past the appointment time and I haven't seen the doctor yet. At least I'm not in any kind of pain like some of my fellow patients, but I am still anxious to get whatever news this is. Finally, almost an hour and fifteen minutes late, I am called in to see the doctor. As it turns out I see two doctors, a senior resident and a junior resident.
The junior takes the lead in explaining that my PSA is well within normal bounds, although still not as low as we would wish after radiation therapy. Nevertheless, with no sign of cancer in any biopsy sample we won't be scheduling any more biopsies. Monitoring will just be continuing the PSA tests accompanied with digital rectal examinations. In fact, he does one today and pronounces, based on that and the PSA and the biopsy, that there is no sign of cancer now. I have to comment that I can tell that he lacks some of the experience that other doctors and nurse practitioners who have given me DREs have had, but I do understand that he is gaining that experience in his residency. However, I do wish he had gotten a little more practice before he saw me, because he did seem to be searching for my prostate rather than knowing exactly where it should be.
Now, I feel I should celebrate as I had promised myself long ago by dining on Thai food. Unfortunately, the Thai restaurant that we had in Plant City has closed and I am already short of funds at this point in the month. I have considered the option of going to one of the Thai temples where I would be invited to dine with their monks, but that has not worked out yet on any of the Sundays that I might go. Nevertheless, I shall see whether there is a restaurant in Lakeland or Brandon where I may order takeout. I also look forward to going on a pilgrimage to Wat Florida Dhammaram to visit their shrines as soon as I can manage that.

When I reflect on how I got to this point in this “Journey through Cancer,” I must acknowledge that it has not been just through modern Western medicine that I have reached the state of having no sign of cancer. I have also utilized alternative and herbal medicine bolstered by spiritual practices. These have worked even after the radiation therapy had ceased its beneficial effects. They have also been of great benefit when dealing with the negative aftereffects of that therapy. Moreover the spiritual practices have helped me to see the bigger picture of which this bout with cancer is but a small part.
I am not in this thing alone. Nor have these events in my life been confined to this lifetime in their origins and effects. While I may have some indications of some of the Karmic traces with which I may have entered this particular rebirth, there are most likely others of which I have no clue. Indeed that doesn't matter nearly as much as what I do with them.
Early in my life, in my infancy, I was too immature to know what to do. When I got a little older but not much more mature, I could complain and even feel that it was grossly unfair that I should have to deal with so much medical stuff. At other times, as a science geek, I was fascinated by the technical aspects. Through all of that I was focused on me, me, me.
Only since becoming Buddhist have I come to understand that it is not about me at all. While I indeed am responsible for the Karmic seeds I have planted in the past which have borne fruit in this lifetime, I have the choice of what to do with the circumstances in which I find myself. Each day I must focus my attention on how best to serve all sentient beings. Whether formally or informally practicing Tonglen, whenever I dedicate my pain, my illness, my difficulty or my struggle to the benefit of all beings, sincerely desiring to relieve their pain, their illness, their difficulty or their struggle, indeed all their suffering, my negative Karma is purified. It need not carry forward into future rebirths.
“I rely on you, buddhas and bodhisattvas, until I achieve enlightenment. Please grant me enough wisdom and courage to be free from delusion.
“If I am supposed to get sick, let me get sick, and I’ll be happy. May this sickness purify my negative karma and the sickness of all sentient beings.
“If I am supposed to be healed, let all my sickness and confusion be healed, and I’ll be happy. May all sentient beings be healed and filled with happiness.
“If I am supposed to die, let me die and I’ll be happy. May all the delusion and the causes of suffering of beings die.
“If I am supposed to live a long life, let me live a long life and I’ll be happy. May my life be meaningful in service to sentient beings.
“If my life is to be cut short, let it be cut short and I’ll be happy. May I and all others be free from attachment and aversion.”

Aspirations

As I travel I am keenly aware of my responsibility to all other Buddhists, especially Tibetan Buddhist monks. Even as a getsul and a "young monk in an old body," I know that I am nothing special but just the phenomenon that results from certain causes under certain conditions.I know I am not the ideal monk and I know I am a "baby" Buddhist and "baby" monk, nevertheless I share the Dharma as well as I can and do not hesitate to say, "I don't know."

I have been most blessed in my life. Back in June 2009, I was most fortunate to meet His Eminence Garchen Triptul Rinpoche, a genuine mahasiddha. That was a life changing event for me. However, I had not been able to find another opportunity to receive his teachings until this year. I do not intend to allow that much time pass before I see him again. At our ages I cannot waste that much time.

Therefore, I aspire to go our to Garchen Institute in Chino Valley, Arizona. I am not sure when or how. The two occasions which most appeal to me are:

1) Late December to attend Phowa and Bardo teachings and bring in the Western New Year with Rinpoche.

or 2) To go to the Yamantaka Retreat in February, not to attend the retreat, but rather to serve the retreat. I am not ready for such a retreat, but, “I exist to serve.”

I don't know which of these is within my reach to do or even whether either of them is. Nevertheless, I have researched the least expensive way to get there which is by Greyhound Bus to Flagstaff and local shuttle to Chino Valley. I do plan to undertake my own fundraising by looking for things around here that I may sell on eBay, perhaps even making a few craft items for it as well.

Food Not Bombs - Why Doesn't Everybody Get the Idea?

Today I spent my day with a bunch of kids who are all probably less than half my age. Anarchists everyone, as far as I know. I hope that I can call them my friends, because they are doing what so many “respectable people” are not doing, feeding hungry people. No sermon, no politics, just vegan food served to whoever comes up. They are open enough to accept me, a Tibetan Buddhist monk, to join them in their work.
We began at 11:00 AM preparing the meal. I peeled and chopped onions and washed and peeled potatoes, while someone else cut up the potatoes and someone else peeled and chopped garlic. We each had some part in preparing the soup, if only taste testing it. A rice cooker made the rice simple and foolproof. Green beans sautéed with garlic and tomatoes rounded out the menu. In true anarchist fashion nobody was really in charge and everyone contributed to the effort.
The product of our morning's labor was put into insulated transport containers and loaded onto a bike trailer with the sign, the table, the utensils and the water container. Another bike trailer was loaded with donated bread, maybe a day or so old, but the kind that I cannot afford to buy. While they bicycled to Boston Common, I caught buses and the subway to get there. Unfortunately, the spot on a church's steps where we served last Friday was blocked with a rope and marked with a “No Trespassing” sign. Undaunted, the kids set up on the sidewalk on that side of Boston Common which was easily wide enough.
From our place on the sidewalk, we served soup and rice and green beans to whoever wanted it. It was free as was the bread that anyone could take as much as they desired. There was a container for donations, but none were expected nor even requested. Furthermore, everyone was treated with equal courtesy and respect, no matter what their circumstances or appearance might be. Moreover, not only did I recognize some of our guests from last Friday, but also the kids very obviously knew many of them quite well.
I describe these young people as “Anarchists,” but there is a diversity of views within the spectrum of that category. There are probably some who have as little use for Marxist doctrine as they do for the Tea Party agenda. While they have great respect for everyone seeing them as equals, they might have a little trouble maintaining equanimity toward those who gave us obviously disapproving looks. At my age and with my training especially as a Buddhist, I can see all of these people as equal in their suffering even if it is of different kinds.
Nevertheless, I plan to continue volunteering with these kids to cook and serve free food. I am truly sad that there are places where this is not possible, either because there is not a functioning group or because it is being actively persecuted. At this time when the fortunes of so many have suffered a reversal, how can we not show compassion by feeding the hungry? Don't we all realize that it could so easily be us who are needing to be fed? Indeed from my point of view as a Buddhist IT IS US!

Journey Through Cancer - Chapter 89 – Not The End Really, But Another Beginning

Over the past couple of months I have gone through an interesting, exciting and dramatic progression of ceremonies, each building on the other and with a definite spiritual direction. Since the series was not planned, it would seem that it bears signs of positive Karmic seeds reaching fruition. As I wrote previously, I was able to attend a teaching with Garchen Rinpoche in Philadelphia where I took Bodhisattva vows very simply. Later I was able to attend the Drikung Kagyu Great Bodhicitta Empowerment with Nubpa Rinpoche at Tibetan Meditation Center in Frederick, Maryland. That I described as Bodhisattva vows “long form.”

In July I was most fortunate to attend the Kalachakra for World Peace 2011 with His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Since the Kalachakra Empowerment is very powerful and the Kalachakra practice is seen as a very effective means toward Buddhahood, vows are part of the preparation for it. Upasika (householder) vows were given, because it represents a higher level of commitment than being nominally Buddhist. Bodhisattva vows were given, because “without compassion there is no enlightenment.” Tantric vows were given, because the Kalachakra practice is a higher tantric practice although not highest tantric practice.

The first day of the event was actually the celebration of His Holiness the Dalai Lama's 76 ^th birthday. Then the prayers of the next five days were preparatory for the empowerment with His Holiness teaching in the afternoons of the latter three days. He taught us about meditation and about the life of a bodhisattva. Not coincidentally, I was able to attend a screening of “For the Benefit of All Beings,” the life story of His Eminence Garchen Triptul Rinpoche, a genuine mahasiddha. Furthermore, I was fortunate to be sitting only two rows back from Rinpoche at the Kalachakra event for the first few days until he was invited to be among the monastics on the stage. The Kalachakra Empowerment was only Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of the second week. At that, each of those days began with the “ self generation prayers” of His Holiness and the monks from his monastery and Wednesday was called “Preliminary Empowerment of Students.” Nevertheless, for a preliminary, it was very powerful and nature seemed to echo the energy with a thunderstorm, perhaps because serious commitments were being made as vows were taken. The next two afternoons were likewise dramatic and profoundly moving.

Furthermore, the logistical task of distributing saffron water and other needs for the ceremonies to so large a crowd was handled so well that it seemed no great feat at all. Words cannot express properly my feelings as I sought by intention and attention to participate as fully as possible in the empowerment especially when the monastics on stage stood in for the rest of us when it would have been impossible for us to touch or be touched by a ritual object. On such occasions, space and time are not limiting factors to such spiritual practices.

However not all the experiences that made this event so special and life-changing happened inside the Verizon Center as part of the scheduled activities. For one thing, from the start I found myself receiving honors above my place including from monastics very much senior to me. Indeed I realized that I have to go beyond my joking about being “a baby monk in an old body” to consciously dedicating the honors to monks who deserve such honor and may not receive it. For an example of deep humility I had before me daily His Holiness the Dalai Lama who says so often, “I am just a simple monk.” As if that were not enough, there was also Garchen Rinpoche who says, “I have no special qualities.” Indeed, it is his example that keeps me reminding myself that this phenomenon which you know as Konchok Jangchup Dorje or any other name is but the product of certain causes under certain conditions and anything which may seem praiseworthy is just the result of that.

I was most fortunate to stay at Chua Hoa Nghiem, a Vietnamese Buddhist temple in Fort Belvoir, Virginia. The generosity, kindness and hospitality not only of the couple who arranged it but also of the abbot and the other guests staying there was overwhelming. To that I have to add the very great generosity of so many toward the ordained was so great that it felt like my heart would burst from the profound gratitude that I felt and continue to feel. However, when I spoke of this to a friend, she pointed out to me the obligation that I bear on my side of this relationship to practice for these generous donors, indeed to be the best monk that I can be for them. As another friend put it, I am a monk for him, because he knows he cannot be one. Once again, just as in my ordination, it is not about me, but rather about how I may benefit others.

Since I was a teenager, people have seemed to instinctively find me someone in whom they can confide in spite of not being all that mature at the time. Throughout many years this has continued and indeed was part of my service as a Christian clergyman. My robes naturally add to this and I find myself talking with people who might not approach me in “civilian clothes.” Now maybe I have a little more to give them when I can share a little bit of the Dharma with them. This same phenomenon occurred as I traveled about the DC area whether walking, riding the train or doing business in an office or store. Indeed, I think that something about the whole experience of the Kalachakra event increased it. Here again it is not about me, but rather about being of benefit to sentient beings.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama, as an emanation of the bodhisattva of compassion, Chenrezig, often talks about compassion and loving-kindness. He has even stated that compassion and altruism are practical and make good sense. However, there are many who are skeptical of that view. Nevertheless, I had an experience which showed at least one way that it is clearly true. On the second Thursday of the event, after the “Preliminary Empowerment of Students,” the Vietnamese abbot and I and a couple of other people headed to the subway station to make our way back to the temple. As we approached the platform we encountered a “ human traffic jam,” a great mass of people pushing and shoving but not going anywhere. I do not do well with crowds, too many people too close together. Normally I experience serious anxiety. On this occasion, as usual I began to feel anxious. However, another person and I conceived to make a path for the abbot and set out to make a way in the crowd and eventually got through. At that point I realized that I was not anxious nor did I become so afterward. Completely focused on the wellbeing of the abbot, no anxiety arose at all. Here again it is not about me, but rather about being of benefit to sentient beings.

With about 850 monastics attending the Kalachakra for World Peace 2011, it seems strange that I should be among the few that non-Buddhists and very new Buddhists found to be particularly approachable. Nevertheless, I was repeatedly asked questions and sought out to explain things. Whatever the reason behind it, I was able so often to share a little of the Dharma with some people who may not get another chance to encounter it. In that I am including those whom I met on the streets, in stores and on trains and buses which seems to be the norm in my life. Here again it is not about me, but rather about being of benefit to sentient beings.

Having spent time around Garchen Rinpoche and also having seen the documentary film of his life, it is clear that he sees the reason for his existence as being of benefit to all beings. Indeed, he was born yet another time for no other purpose in his view and in the view of others. While I am not on the same level as a realized being, I have long maintained, “I exist to serve.” This was a seed that sprouted during my time as Christian clergy and grew during my period of Native American and Pagan spirituality and now is beginning to mature in my life as a Tibetan Buddhist monk. This isn't some dull, dreary and drab mode of existence, but an exciting, rewarding, satisfying, fulfilling way to live, to truly live. Here again it is not about me, but rather about being of benefit to sentient beings.

When I decided to take monastic ordination as a Tibetan Buddhist monk, I resigned myself to the “ facts” that I could never be a lama and that I could never spend very long in a monastery in India or Nepal. Since my source of health care is the Veterans Administration system, I cannot go longer than six months and still receive my regular medications. This has seemed to be immutable truth. However, now that I have survived cancer and not only by conventional medical treatments but also by utilizing alternatives that have included herbs, nutrition, and spiritual practices, it seems entirely possible that there might be a path to better health. Indeed I might be able to follow a course which would get me to a sufficiently good state of health that three year retreat or an extended stay in an overseas monastery might be possible. Either of those possibilities could give me greater means to be of service to others, perhaps even having more than the little bit of Dharma that I have active in my life at present. Here again it is not about me, but rather about being of benefit to sentient beings.

When I reflect on my life as I have lived it up to the present moment, I have tried many things, not all of them successfully. Indeed there are a lot that would fall into the category of nonvirtue, but at least not into the category of heinous acts. However, there is nothing that I have ever done that is totally wasted, no matter how much I may regret having done it, as long as it may be turned to the benefit of others. Indeed, those very things are among the causes and conditions that have resulted in the phenomenon we know as Konchok Jangchup Dorje who hopes now to be of benefit to all sentient beings.

Journey Through Cancer - Chapter 88 – On the Road for the Dharma - continued

The time now comes for my first “snow bird” summer in Boston. While most people prefer to fly, because it is the fastest mode of travel, my preferred mode of travel is by train. Therefore, I choose the train whenever I can, and I booked this trip on Amtrak.

As I travel on the train, I am keenly aware of my responsibility to all other Buddhists, especially Tibetan Buddhist monks. Even as a getsul and a "young monk in an old body," I know that I am nothing special but just the phenomenon that results from certain causes under certain conditions. Nevertheless, the time spent talking to two inebriated young men with compassion, loving-kindness, and complete acceptance is also the result of those same causes and conditions. Out of it, perhaps they may gain something toward spiritual growth.

Inevitably, almost every aspect of a trip like this is an act of sharing the Dharma. Many people I meet as I travel by train or bus have never met any kind of monk, much less a Tibetan Buddhist monk. While I know I am not the ideal monk and I know I am a "baby" Buddhist and "baby" monk, nevertheless I share the Dharma as well as I can and do not hesitate to say, "I don't know."

This morning a situation developed which seemed appropriate for the practice of tonglen. A condition of conflict arose between a small group of passengers and a member of the train staff. It was clearly a matter of misunderstanding and misperception, especially considering that the group had been drinking. Nevertheless, there was nothing I could do directly. Therefore, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to practice tonglen to provide concrete help.

After quietly saying a few opening prayers, I began meditating on taking away their suffering and giving them peace. At the same time, I was turning my prayer wheel. I am not particularly experienced in the practice of tonglen. Therefore when the level of tension subsided and peace prevailed, I am inclined to attribute it to the blessings Chenrezig through the prayer wheel. About all that I supplied was the good intention, the opening prayers, the turning of the prayer wheel, and the dedication.

This is like the benefit my fellow train passengers receive from seeing me, because I am wearing the "Liberation through Seeing" pin that H.E. Garchen Rinpoche gave away. One passenger may have given himself even more benefit by photographing me with it visible. Furthermore, spinning my prayer wheel spreads so many blessings.

I keep reminding myself that I have taken Bodhisattva vows. Therefore, in addition to my concept that I exist to serve, I have made the commitment not only to follow the path to Buddhahood but also to lead every sentient being along the same path.

While on the train on the night before I am to arrive in Boston, after turning my cell phone off for the night, I received a call that I would have a place to stay in Washington, DC, for the entire Kalachakra for Peace event. Furthermore, upon arriving at the center in Arlington, MA, I find out that the group will be driving to DC. However, before these developments came to fruition, I had reached the decision that, having been chosen for a ticket, I would attend even though I might not have lodgings or a better way to travel. In that case I planned that I would take a Greyhound bus to arrive early on July 6 ^th, that I would attend only the birthday celebration for His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and that I would take the bus back to Boston that same night. As I told someone after I got to Boston, I had concluded that, if I had to make that Greyhound ride, it would likely have been that someone on those buses needed exposure to the Dharma and perhaps the blessings from the prayer wheel.

As we say in the second half of our prayer “ Taking the Bodhisattva Vow,” “ As the previous Buddhas cultivated the enlightened mind and progressed on the bodhisattva's path, I too, for the benefit of all sentient beings, give birth to Bodhicitta and Apply myself to accomplish the stages of the path.”