The results of the culture of the urine specimen have come back negative. Nothing grew. Of course this points up the reason the urologist was not in a hurry to order the cystoscopy, the risk of introducing contamination into the sterile environment of the bladder. However, the urinalysis also revealed red blood cells which did not surprise me, because there have been a few more occasions of minor bleeding sufficient to tint my urine pink but not nearly as much as sent me to the ER.
A consequence of the little bit of blood in the urine is that, even though it is too little to see, it irritates the bladder enough to cause “urinary urgency.” On a couple of occasions I have not been fast enough getting to the bathroom. Therefore, I am going to make two adjustments. First, I have packed my “just in case bag” again, this time to handle my needs if I have a urinary accident away from home. Second, I have begun wearing urinary incontinence pads anytime I leave the house. I really had not anticipated taking these measures at this point, although I expected to need them once we got through diagnosis and treatment planning and the actual therapy had begun. Nevertheless, this has been characteristic of this particular journey, adapting to situations as they arise no matter what the plan might have been.
I benefit neither myself nor anyone else unless I am dealing with my circumstances as they actually are, not trying to fit them into the mold of what I would want them to be or to any form that I might imagine them to be. Indeed, in part, wasn't the Buddha's enlightenment about seeing reality as it truly is rather than being deceived by any illusion or delusion. Of course, I realize that my perception of reality is far from the state of enlightenment, but I also recognize that in that perception is a great power for change. Indeed, I am not using my feeble power in an effort to change the course of the universe, but rather using that power which I do have to change what is within my scope to change.
After many discussions of good and bad Karma, I have come to believe that there is no such thing as bad Karma. While I would not likely have chosen my circumstances of dealing with nearly dying so often and having so much medical stuff in my life, I can see the good that has come of it as well as understanding the origins of it in my own actions in previous rebirths. Karma is Karma. The causes were created by the decisions I made and the actions that I took. Now I have to ride out the waves of their consequences. Here in Florida, when a storm is offshore surfers flock to the beaches to ride the waves that come from it. They find their enjoyment in those waves regardless of the destructive power that created them. Similarly, the “wave” is here, I might as well find the good in riding it to shore.
I already know that my experience has benefited others when I have done hospital visitation. However, that was as Christian clergy which opened the door for me more than now as a Buddhist monk. Perhaps I need to be more persistent in making my availability known to the chaplains of the local hospitals and hospice organizations. While health issues may put some limits on my ability to serve in this manner, I have to put forth a greater effort, because this is not about me but about being of greatest benefit to other sentient beings.
The third and fourth of the “six perfections” are patience and perseverance (or diligence). While I wouldn't claim to have fully accomplished or to faultlessly practice the first and second, generosity and ethics, my present circumstances are giving me extensive opportunities to practice patience and perseverance.
Patiently or impatiently I have to wait the time it takes for tests to be scheduled and the results to be interpreted. I can do little to speed up the process. However, I do have control over how much discomfort the waiting causes. This is particularly true since I have a course of action that does not depend on the results of the tests or the diagnosis that ultimately comes from them.
This is where perseverance or diligence comes into the picture. Whether is is the nutritional support and alternative therapy basics or the spiritual practices, both need to be carried out on a continuing basis. If I am to get their benefits, I need to keep up drinking the herbal teas and eating the “medicinal noodles” and the greens. Furthermore, as I was taught about the “one cure for a hundred diseases,” I am supposed to do it daily for twenty-one days. At least I am remaining consistent in drinking the water blessed by the Karmapa black stone relics, even making my coffee and tea with it.
At this stage, my PSA has gone back down to be within the “normal” range. Nevertheless, we are going ahead with the cystoscopy and the biopsy. Of course this makes sense, because it is the second time that my PSA has gone high and then come back down.
Several weeks ago when I visited the Thai Buddhist temple in Kissimmee, I explained to the abbot that I was there to visit the shrines, because there was a possibility that the cancer had come back. He very offhandedly said, “They won't find anything.” I hope he is right. If that should be the result (a significant possibility since the PSA is down), I could view it in two different ways: either there never was any cancer to find or my alternative and spiritual treatment regimen worked. Of course there is no way to distinguish between those options, because they are perceptions.
This is rather like the difference between reality as it actually is and our perceptions of the phenomena we experience. Since I am not an enlightened being, although I like all sentient beings possess Buddhanature, I really cannot yet see past the appearance. Of course many of our Tibetan Buddhist practices as well as teachings by so many Lamas refer to the union of appearance and emptiness. I have not reached that state of realization, but I can aspire to it.
Meanwhile, I can try to utilize my experience to benefit all sentient beings. Furthermore, this kind of experience over so many years seems to have resulted in my having a particular affinity for Medicine Buddha practice. That is something that I have been doing to benefit all sentient beings.
