Journey Through Cancer - Chapter 86 - Testing, Testing....

As we progress through the testing to follow up on both the high PSA which has since gone down and the urinary bleeding which has since cleared up, I had to have a cystoscopy. Although the fiberoptic "scope" is not nearly as large as the one used for a colonoscopy, it is also passing through a much smaller structure. My previous experience with this procedure was "pain-free," but this time it was not. Oddly, at that time I had a painfully overly full bladder in addition to painful urination, but not even the anesthetic injections hurt. This time I have painful injections and end up with painful urination after the anesthetic wore off and even a little bleeding. Nevertheless, the pain did go away.
I would have hoped to have some definitive answers, but the results were mixed. There are lesions that are consistent with normal post-radiation changes which were probably the source of the bleeding. However, there are also some which bear watching to see whether they develop into a problem. Thus I am to be scheduled for another cystoscopy in a couple of months. At least it won't be the same day as the biopsy which would be too much in one day.
Despite the better PSA, it does seem best that the biopsy be done, because this is the second time since the radiation therapy that my PSA went too high and then came back down. Furthermore, my PSA has never gotten below 1 which would have been the expected value after successful radiation treatments. Of course, after the biopsy is done, I have to wait weeks for the result. Furthermore, this time the aftereffects were more significant to the extent that I was concerned that the bleeding would last long enough that I had to go back to the VA Hospital about it. That would have been very annoying because I already missed some very special teachings in the Tampa Bay area and I would have also missed out on the chance to receive teachings from His Eminence Garchen Rinpoche and attend a retreat led by him.
I see that I exist to serve, which means that I need to seek opportunities to serve as well as learning to serve. Furthermore, I must carefully survey the circumstances in which I find myself to find ways that they may be transformed into something which benefits others. One of the great truths of Buddhism is that we do not exist alone, but depend on others and others depend on us. We are not separate from all sentient beings, but rather are connected to them both by interdependence and by familial relationships.