A vegetarian diet means depending on beans for a protein source at times, resulting in a certain amount of trouble from flatulence. This usually is just a matter of embarrassment in polite circles, but, with the radiation colitis which has resulted from my radiation treatments, sometimes blood accompanies the gas. A few days ago, while having supper at my sister's house, I f@*ted, but it felt a little “odd” and sent me running to the bathroom. I had bled through my undershorts and trousers. I had to send my sister to get my “just in case bag” out of the van in order to have a change of clothes. I then put the bloody garments in a bucket with hydrogen peroxide to keep the blood from setting until I could launder them the next day.
Of course this is neither the first time I have had such a “bloody f@*t” nor the only circumstance under which it has happened. I have been fortunate that the previous occurrences had been at home rather than outside it or at least happened after I had gotten to the restroom. However, it was inevitable that there would be the kind of occasions for which I created this particular “just in case bag.”
I had hoped that, with the first anniversary of the end of my radiation treatments just around the corner, the bleeding would have stopped completely by now. Nevertheless, in another week I am scheduled for another “arc welding” session to cauterize the remaining lesions. Hopefully they won't find any new ones forming. This Sunday I had also hoped to be able to go to the Dharma Center which I have missed for so long. Instead, the irritation from the same bleeding has kept me from getting very far from the bathroom. I couldn't even get outside the house long enough for some things I have needed to do.
It has been a long time since I have been able to do the “Auspicious Smoke Ceremony.” Since the day was listed in my Tibetan Calendar as astrologically auspicious for “ fire puja,” I had planned to do the ceremony. Furthermore, it has also become increasingly necessary as a means of properly disposing of “Dharma trash,” what we used to call “holy garbage” when I was at the Russian Orthodox monastery, misprints of sacred writings, damaged holy images, vestments which can no longer be used, and similar items. Such things ought to be accorded the appropriate respect for what they represent. Nevertheless, with the bleeding I have to again postpone the “Auspicious Smoke Ceremony” until the next “fire puja” day.
There are a couple of very special Dharma opportunities coming up soon. In February, the Dalai Lama is coming to South Florida including a talk at Nova Southeastern University in Davie, Florida, where the ticket prices are quite reasonable, provided we can get them before they are all gone. I know that my sister and I will be doing everything that we can to be able to go there. In March, the Tibetan Meditation Center in Gainesville, Florida, will be hosting a week-long Phowa Retreat with Venerable
Traga Rinpoche. This is a training that I have sought, but all of the occasions that I had previously found were at distant locations like Washington State, Mexico City, and Bodhgaya, India, all a bit too far for me to manage. However, Gainesville is within reach and work-study may make it affordable.
This past Friday, our Tonglen Practice group on Facebook had its first synchronized practice as group internationally. Although I had problems maintaining my concentration this first time doing this form of meditation for longer than a few minutes, I can tell that it is one of the two practices for which my particular life experiences have especially prepared me. Of course, Phowa is the other. I realize that neither of these practices is something to be entered into casually, but I also know that the same Karma that has brought me the medical issues that have both acquainted me with pain and kept Death close by me can be seen as presenting me with this opportunity to serve the Dharma.
Of course, I could ignore these kinds of consequences of my Karma, but that would leave me locked in the samsaric cycle rather than trying to fulfill the potential within all of us. How many rebirths have I had without even being aware of the Dharma much less serving it as I should? Not only do I again have a human life, but I also have a “precious human life,” both by virtue of again finding the Dharma and by having the life experiences to make this particular use of its lessons in its service for the benefit of all sentient beings..
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