If I am able to fulfill my Lama's wishes this blog that I have written over the course of this particular journey is to be turned into a book. In a work of fiction the final chapter brings everything neatly to a close, leaving no loose ends, although perhaps providing the basis for a sequel. Of course, in life things don't work out in such a neat and tidy way. Nevertheless, this real life story has come close to such an ending of this phase.
My cancer has been successfully treated although I still await the “cancer-free” designation. At the same time I am entering on a new phase of my life as a Tibetan Buddhist monk.
In a fictional tale I would have been declared cancer-free by the oncologist and then gone to be ordained a monk and the moved into a monastery. In real life, my ordination was unscheduled and unexpected, the status of my cancer was unknown at that time, and there really isn't a monastery in our lineage for me to enter. Furthermore, right after the ordination I had a high PSA result which could have indicated the return of my cancer or even metastasis. Of course, I am grateful that it was merely what they call a “bounce.”
Nevertheless, I cannot complain about the way things have turned out so far. I was ordained on the day for the commemoration of the parinirvana of the founder of our order. The robes I had for my ordination were “hand-me-downs,” borrowed and drastically marked-down, all very appropriate for a monk. After I returned home from Spring Retreat, I did find the good news about my cancer, eventually. With regard to my ordination, I have been well received. Furthermore, my sister has told me that I seem more content and happy than she has remembered me being in a long time.
Our Dharma Center has grown to the point that we have outgrown the private home in which we met and have had to seek a new venue. In addition it has undergone a reorganization that will probably put it on a better basis for further growth, ultimately being able to have a resident Lama and several of us monks. I now need to talk to my Lama about the nature of my role at the Center and whether there might not be some simpler topics on which I can share my experience in lieu of formally teaching. I have been able to share little bits of the Dharma as I have traveled about in my robes.
As I was sitting in Boston's South Station waiting for my ride to arrive, a young lady approached me offering to buy me coffee. When she returned with coffee and a muffin, we talked about her miscarriage and the ensuing depression. In fact we talked until she had to catch her train. While I cannot claim any particular qualifications, my own struggles with my own depression have given me great empathy for anyone else dealing with it. Her Karma and my Karma placed us just there at just that time when my experiences could help her.
As I work toward the upcoming teachings, I especially look forward to His Holiness Chetsang Rinpohe's Amitayus Empowerment and teachings and his Great Drikung Phowa Transmission and Teachings. Since I have been close to dying so many times in my life, nevertheless surviving. I want to actively and concretely prepare for my own death which I know will come, perhaps even unexpectedly. However, I can be prepared if I will work at it, maybe even attaining enlightenment, but at least taking steps to gain a good rebirth.
Every experience I have ever had, every skill that I have mastered, and every job that I have ever done have all prepared me in various ways to be useful in service of others. Whether I am helping with preparations for teachings from our great Lamas or in some measure comforting the sick or dying or merely bringing the appropriate clergy to them, my whole life has value, the good and even the bad parts. I am happiest when I remember that everything that I do is not for my benefit alone but for the benefit of all sentient beings.
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