Journey Through Cancer - Chapter 87 - “Surveillance”

I am now in the phase of this “journey through cancer” that is called “surveillance” during which tests continue to be run to find out whether the cancer has returned. This can be a very fearful time if one has reason to expect the cancer to come back and has no spiritual resources to deal with the uncertainty inherent in this situation.
As a Buddhist I know that whatever the present situation may be, it will change. Such is the nature of impermanence, a basic characteristic of our samsaric existence. Furthermore, I am also certain that my present circumstances result from my decisions and actions in the past, what we call Karma. However, because we are really talking about cause and effect, there are several very bright and promising aspects to this truth. Since all phenomena arise from causes under certain conditions, while I may not be able to alter the cause, I can change the conditions under which it comes to fruition. Moreover, my present decisions and actions create my future which should be good if I maintain altruistic motivation, compassion and loving-kindness.
Recently when I spoke of this “surveillance” phase, a friend said she knew several people who were “under surveillance” because of their past brushes with the law. However, it is not I who am under surveillance, but rather the possible returning cancer. Since my PSA has not gone under 1.0 after the radiation therapy and has twice gone over 4.0, even though it went back down, a prostate biopsy was done. Eleven of the twelve specimens showed no adenocarcinoma cells, but one showed, “Single, Rare atypical cells identified, suspicious for residual treated prostatic adenocarcinoma.” Nevertheless, the overall finding was, “No definitive adenocarcinoma is identified.” With such mixed results another biopsy was scheduled in six months.
I am also going to have another cystoscopy, because in the last one there were some lesions which the urologist felt bore watching. While most of the lesions which “probably” caused the bleeding which sent me to the ER are consistent with what should be expected after radiation therapy, a few were “suspicious.” We'll have another look at those.
Biopsies and cystoscopies are not pleasant procedures which I would rather not have to experience, but I really do not fear their results. If they should show some more cancer cells, we would have decisions to make as far as the next course of treatment. However, under the present circumstances I have my full array of alternatives to continue as preventative measures. I will continue to drink my “medicinal chai” and eat my “medicinal noodles,” but more importantly I shall continue my spiritual practices, Medicine Buddha sadhana practice, “one cure for a hundred ailments” inner yoga practice, and water blessed by “Karmapa black stone relics.” Moreover, as long as I have the strength and means I shall continue to study the Dharma both privately and at public teachings as opportunities arise.
I think this is another time to recall the three fierce mantras of Tsangpa Gyaré, “Whatever has to happen, let it happen!” “Whatever the situation is, it’s fine!” “I don’t need anything whatsoever (but the Dharma)!” And I really don't need anything except the Dharma which is what will get me through any situation whatever in which I find myself. Furthermore, it will keep me focused on what is truly important, being of service to all sentient beings and leading them all to Enlightenment.