Changes

Sometimes when we set out on a course, we follow the best guidance
we can, but we find that what was intended to be a lifelong path
turns out to be an interim course. This is not to say it was a
wrong choice, but rather a starting point to prepare for something
else.
This year, when I passed the second anniversary of my ordination, I
quite naturally reflected on where I was in my monastic life and
where I was going. I recognized that the life of a monk alone and
outside a monastery was not working out very well for me. At the
same time there would be little chance for me to move to a
monastery in India or Nepal with my health issues. However, since
December I had begun teaching an English-language Dharma class for
the youngsters at Quan Am Buddhist Temple and participating as a
welcomed visitor.
There were several weeks that I had been unable to attend the
temple. When I went back, I realized how profoundly I had missed
it. At the same time my sister had noticed the positive impact of
my participation and the support of the temple community.
Therefore, a short time ago, I asked the head monk, through the
novice monk, that I be received as his student and a member of the
monastic community. He said yes and that we would talk when he gets
back, as he is away teaching right now. Almost in confirmation of
my decision, I noticed that the name cast into the new temple bell
is "Quan Am Buddhist Monastery - America."
This acceptance has already made a change. I find that I want to
spend more time at the temple. I really want to learn the services.
Furthermore, whereas I used to think that it might be nice to learn
Vietnamese, I am now motivated to study the language, first to
master the chanting, but ultimately to speak and understand it.
Realistically, at my age, I don't learn as easily as I did when I
was younger, but I am highly motivated to overcome the difficulty..
This is not just about me and what I need, but rather it is about
being of service to others. Already I have had the opportunity to
support my brother novice monk as he has faced some of his first
challenges since his ordination. I have been able to give him the
benefit of my age and experience. It may not be all that profound,
but it is not useless either.
Right now I am very much looking forward to the master's return
when we shall sit down to discuss my future. There are so many
questions to be answered. Shall I be received as sramanera (novice
monk) or shall have to start over as an aspirant (which I am indeed
willing to do)? Even with that I would reach Bhikkhu ordination
sooner than I would ever have otherwise. One of the sad realities
that I had recognized was that many Drikung Kagyu monks had been
many years without Bhikkhu ordination.
Finally, I cannot think it merely accidental that this is a very
devoted Pure Land temple which ties in so well with the Phowa
practice to which I was devoted. It seems so much like the next
step for me with support to keep my practice from lapsing.
Furthermore, I am looking forward to a course of study which will
cover all of Buddhism.

Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 91 – Aftereffects Continue

February 22, 2012, 3:00 AM

At my age getting up at this time of the morning to make a trip to the bathroom to urinate is completely normal. In fact, it is so normal that one develops strategies to make the trip to and from the bathroom without getting fully alert in order that returning to sleep is easier. All you really want to do is to relieve the bladder and not interrupt your rest. That is the goal this morning too.

Through my half-open eyelids I notice that the water in the toilet bowl is red, really, really red. Something is very, very wrong! As I am stopping urinating, I also notice pain, but it is short-term!

Now there is no longer the possibility of just going back to sleep. I am thoroughly awake!

After only a few seconds debate with myself, I call the VA Sick Call line for “telephone triage.” The RN has a series of questions to ask me such as, “Do you have abdominal pain? Do you have a fever?” We continue through the whole batch and come to the conclusion that I do need to see my doctor in the morning (actually later in the morning), but I don't need to come to the ER right away unless other symptoms develop.

Driving in to the VA, as I am still on the highway, I receive a call from my doctor's nurse. They have seen that I called into the sick call line and have ordered labs for me. Therefore, as soon as I go through “Urgent Care” and get set up with an appointment with my doctor, I go over to the lab for blood to be drawn and for me to give them a urine specimen. Fortunately my urine is back to its normal color.

My doctor explains that I am apparently among those who after radiation therapy are prone to prostatitis. (Oh thrills.) He prescribes a course of antibiotics and orders follow up labs at a later date.

Fortunately, the antibiotics do their job and clear up the infection. However, their usual side effects of disturbing my entire GI tract also set in. For this I put myself on a course of probiotics specifically yogurt and kefir. Thus after a week of antibiotics and another of probiotics I get back to normal.

That motivates me to research herbal treatments for prostatis which I do find both in Western herbs and in Chinese herbs. In fact, on a web site devoted to prostatitis, I find high praise for the effectiveness of the Chinese herbs and their lack of side effects. Since my primary care doctor said that I am now prone to prostatis, this is useful information to file away for future reference.

March 28, 2012, 3:10 AM

Once again with a serious amount of blood in my urine, but now, knowing what it is most likely to be. I don't bother to call the VA Sick Call line for “telephone triage.” This time I have decided to give the herbal remedies a try before I resort to the antibiotics from the VA. If they should prove ineffective, I already have a regular follow up appointment at Radiation Oncology in less than a week.

At a more decent hour of the morning I set out to the health food stores to find the Western herbs on my list, but they don't have them. Therefore, I turn to the Chinese herbs and head to an Asian market that has a Chinese apothecary. There, much to my surprise I find “Prostate Gland Pills,” already compounded.

Within two days I have relief of the pain. By the time I finish the bottle of pills, I am symptom free. This time I don't have to deal with the side effects of antibiotics. That does seem like a big plus. When I keep my appointment at Radiation Oncology a few days later , I don't even have to talk about the prostatis

I can't recommend to everyone that they turn to herbal remedies for everything. I can only say that for me these particular herbs were quite effective and without unpleasant side effects. This is my body and my health, and therefore, my choice.

July 20, 2012, 11:49 PM

I am at Quan Am Buddhist Temple. We have had Friday night prayers and I am settling in to stay over for morning chanting. Trying to get up at the house and make it to the temple early enough for morning chanting has not worked all that well.

Preparing for bed, I make a trip to the bathroom. For the first time in so many months, I am faced with the blood in the urine and the characteristic pain. I not only know what is wrong but also know what to do about it. Rather than stay the night, I go back to the house, because I have the “Prostate Gland Pills” from the Chinese apothecary. I would figure that the sooner I start them, the sooner I will recover. However, this time my body is dealing with an unhealed wound on my foot for which antibiotics had not been effective. In fact, I have not fully recovered from the antibiotics when I start this round of herbs.

At this point the herbs seem to be doing the job for both the wound and for the prostatis.

Although I missed Sunday morning prayers and my Dharma class for the youngsters, I have made it to Tuesday night prayers and am staying over for morning chanting.