Changes

Sometimes when we set out on a course, we follow the best guidance
we can, but we find that what was intended to be a lifelong path
turns out to be an interim course. This is not to say it was a
wrong choice, but rather a starting point to prepare for something
else.
This year, when I passed the second anniversary of my ordination, I
quite naturally reflected on where I was in my monastic life and
where I was going. I recognized that the life of a monk alone and
outside a monastery was not working out very well for me. At the
same time there would be little chance for me to move to a
monastery in India or Nepal with my health issues. However, since
December I had begun teaching an English-language Dharma class for
the youngsters at Quan Am Buddhist Temple and participating as a
welcomed visitor.
There were several weeks that I had been unable to attend the
temple. When I went back, I realized how profoundly I had missed
it. At the same time my sister had noticed the positive impact of
my participation and the support of the temple community.
Therefore, a short time ago, I asked the head monk, through the
novice monk, that I be received as his student and a member of the
monastic community. He said yes and that we would talk when he gets
back, as he is away teaching right now. Almost in confirmation of
my decision, I noticed that the name cast into the new temple bell
is "Quan Am Buddhist Monastery - America."
This acceptance has already made a change. I find that I want to
spend more time at the temple. I really want to learn the services.
Furthermore, whereas I used to think that it might be nice to learn
Vietnamese, I am now motivated to study the language, first to
master the chanting, but ultimately to speak and understand it.
Realistically, at my age, I don't learn as easily as I did when I
was younger, but I am highly motivated to overcome the difficulty..
This is not just about me and what I need, but rather it is about
being of service to others. Already I have had the opportunity to
support my brother novice monk as he has faced some of his first
challenges since his ordination. I have been able to give him the
benefit of my age and experience. It may not be all that profound,
but it is not useless either.
Right now I am very much looking forward to the master's return
when we shall sit down to discuss my future. There are so many
questions to be answered. Shall I be received as sramanera (novice
monk) or shall have to start over as an aspirant (which I am indeed
willing to do)? Even with that I would reach Bhikkhu ordination
sooner than I would ever have otherwise. One of the sad realities
that I had recognized was that many Drikung Kagyu monks had been
many years without Bhikkhu ordination.
Finally, I cannot think it merely accidental that this is a very
devoted Pure Land temple which ties in so well with the Phowa
practice to which I was devoted. It seems so much like the next
step for me with support to keep my practice from lapsing.
Furthermore, I am looking forward to a course of study which will
cover all of Buddhism.