Journey Through Cancer - Chapter 84 - Karma and Compost

This was originally written when I experienced such phenomenal positive and emotionally charged events for which I felt unworthy. Now, facing the potential of the return of the cancer that I had thought we had successfully treated, I see from another point of view the applicability of these ideas as well as new aspects regarding them. Therefore, I reiterate and expand on them. I have had occasion to reflect on how fortunate I have been in this lifetime. At some times I might not have thought so, but I have a different perspective now, a particularly Buddhist one.

Over my whole lifetime, even in infancy, I have been on the verge of dying although I often regarded myself as a hail and hardy fellow. To the Western mind so many close brushes with death and the consequent medical procedures and sometimes rigorous therapies and protracted recoveries are inexplicable. Or else they may be regarded as curses of fate or of some deity. However, for me as a Buddhist it is simply a matter of cause and effect, Karmic causality. In some previous lifetime, perhaps even several, I have done things for which these things are the natural result. These Karmic seeds may have followed across centuries, but they definitely took root in this rebirth.

Furthermore, the conventional thinking I was taught in our Western culture and even that in some Eastern cultures would regard all these “travails” as “ curses,” “bad luck,” or some such undesirable circumstance. For me, however, they are the most fortunate of circumstances, because they “burn up” all of that “negative karma” rather than having it continue to follow me through still more rebirths.

On the other hand, I can also see the positive Karmic seeds that have also come to fruition in this lifetime. I have a “precious human life” with all of the Eight Freedoms and Ten Endowments. I was not born in the Hell realms, as a hungry ghost, as an animal, in a place where teachings are unavailable, as a long-life god (always content and therefore with no motivation for progress), with wrong view (no understanding of karma, and no understanding of past and future lives), where no Buddha has appeared, or lacking the capacity to learn anything. I was born as a human being, where there are teachings, possessing five senses, not having committed heavy negative karmas, able to have confidence in and devotion to the Triple Gem, where a Buddha has appeared, where a Buddha has taught, where the Dharma teachings flourish, where there are followers who enter the pure path of Dharma, and where there is support from the kindness of others, including the spiritual master. Furthermore, I found those teachings and a Lama that I could trust.

When I was sitting in the room with the relic collection of the Maitreya Project Heart Shrine Relic Tour in Gainesville, Florida, I had to reflect that I was fortunate enough to have been with the relics twice already in my present lifetime and, on both of those occasions, I was there as a volunteer for the whole weekend. Furthermore, at that point I merely had the aspiration to attend once more as a volunteer over another weekend. That aspiration was actually fulfilled.

As if these were not enough good things to come together in my present lifetime, I was sitting there not only in the presence of such precious relics, a physical manifestation of the great compassion, loving kindness, and other spiritual qualities of Shakyamuni Buddha and these other Buddhist masters, but also as a beginning monk given the immense, incalculable, wondrous responsibility of giving blessings with the very relics of Shakyamuni Buddha. Sometimes my eyes filled with tears and other times it felt as though my heart might burst because of the powerful emotion I felt as well as the enormous energies perceptible in the room and from the relic stupa.

I commented to several people that weekend, and since then, that it is as though all those negative and positive karmic seeds came together in this particular lifetime and landed in compost. They have all born fruit abundantly!! So much negative karma has been burned away and continues to be burned away! Even at this late date in this lifetime, I have not only found the Dharma, but I have been able to devote myself to it and to its service as a monk! I have found a Lama who can guide my spiritual life with enough patience to put up with me and not give up on me! I have had the good fortune to meet not just one but two mahasiddhas in this one lifetime already!

Over the course of the cancer diagnosis, cancer treatment, and the recovery from the treatment, it has been amazing how far a tiny bit of the Dharma has carried me. In spite of the persistence of some of my bad habits, with the guidance and patience of my Lama, I actually am making a little progress, enough that I can perceive the change in me. On the other hand, I remain aware that I am still just a baby Buddhist and a baby monk and the least Drikungpa of all. Nevertheless, there are ways that I can be of service to others and to the Dharma. Nothing I have ever done is totally wasted. Either I have learned skills which find application now to such service or my misdeeds give me understanding and compassion for others. Everything that I do now needs to done with a view to benefiting all sentient beings. That is where its true worth lies. I am most thankful that some little bit of what I do stands up to that test.

I recently learned of the three fierce mantras of Tsangpa Gyaré:

1. “Whatever has to happen, let it happen!”

2. “Whatever the situation is, it’s fine!”

3. “I don’t need anything whatsoever (but the Dharma)!”

According to Rigpa Wiki:

“Tsangpa Gyaré is one of the founders of the Drukpa Kagyü school of Tibetan Buddhism. He established the monasteries of Longdol, Ralung (the principal seat of the Drukpa Kagyü) and Namdruk (after which the lineage was later named). He also opened the sacred place of Tsari.” As a Kagyu lineage it is related to our Drikung Kagyu lineage. However, it is more significant for me that it applies so well to the present circumstances as it does to almost any unexpected and unwanted situation. That definitely describes having a high PSA reading and having to go through more tests for a definitive diagnosis.

I was commenting to a friend that it seems that I shall not have the opportunity to carry much negative Karma forward into future rebirths. So much is getting purified with such intensity and force in the present lifetime. While the process may not be pleasant, the spiritual result seems desirable. Isn't this clearing away significant obstacles to my eventual enlightenment and my benefit for all sentient beings? In fact, isn't that benefit to myself and others a more immediate outcome, beginning even as I go through the process?

The disease, the diagnostic tests, the treatment and the recovery are all worthwhile if we all get a little closer to enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings. Maybe a little more Dharma in my life than before will make the whole thing not only more tolerable, but even much easier to handle.

Journey Through Cancer - Chapter 83 - The Journey Continues

I had thought that this "Journey Th r ough Cancer" was finished. I was set to turn the blog into a book and had even set myself on a daily work schedule for the editing. However, it seems that the Karma bearing that fruit is not completely finished.

I saw the Radiation Oncologist today for what I thought was a routine follow-up visit, but routine it was not. I already knew that one PSA reading was 2.6 rather than less than 1, as we would hope. However this was not all of the bad news. Another PSA test less than a month after that one gave a reading of 4.3, heading farther in the wrong direction rather quickly.

Initially, the radiation oncologist has ordered a CT scan of the pelvic region and a bone scan. We also discussed the possible need for another biopsy. I told him that I expected and accepted that and, although I would not look forward to the biopsy itself, I would look forward to its results for us to know what is happening. At that point, if the cancer is back, we can work out the treatment plan and work on recovery.

Right now is the hardest time, the time of waiting. I have been in the same circumstance multiple times during the whole course of this journey. It may be time to burn off more negative Karma. Whatever it is, it is my Karma. Just as it always is for everyone, we can choose how we go through what faces us in each day. Whatever I face in this, I must remember, as I have before, to find ways that it may benefit other beings.

I have already started on my “alternative therapy” efforts that I used before my more conventional treatments began. I have bought watercress, because researchers have found that a metabolite from it retards the development of blood vessels in tumors. I have also started on my “medicinal noodles” with their reishi and miso broth, broccoli, and shitake mushrooms. Also lemongrass tea, so pleasant to drink, will be my basic and most frequent beverage.

As far as spiritual preparations are concerned, I must remember, as I have told others, “I exist to serve.”

Which means that I must continue to seek opportunities to be of service to all sentient beings. In the coming month we are going to have a visit from Khenpo Choepel giving teachings and empowerments in this area for about three weeks. I need to strive to be available to assist in any way that I can. While I need to learn from the particular teachings, I also need to continue learning from him, as from an older brother, how to be a good monk.

Whether this new phase of this journey is just a series of tests and procedures through which we find that there is no cancer to be treated or it is another course of treatment with its side effects and its recovery, there are challenges to be faced and lessons to be learned. It is through just such challenges and lessons that what I do may benefit others if only I continue to apply the tiny bit of Dharma that I have in my life. Perhaps I can even come to have a little more of it to apply and to share for the benefit of all sentient beings.

Starting a Job

Tomorrow, I shall be starting a job. It is not actually a new one but rather one that I already have but have not been working on as I should. Already I have written my blog, “Journey Through Cancer,” but I need to edit it into a book as my Lama and many friends have encouraged. However, I have not applied myself to that task.

Starting tomorrow, every weekday I shall devote three or four hours to the editing just as though I had been hired for a writing job. Most days I intend to devote the hours from the time that I finish breakfast until I need to stop for lunch. Of course, this will not be inflexible. For example, on days like tomorrow, when I have tasks that must be done in the morning, I shall compensate by using other hours of the day, still trying to complete the designated three or four hours of work.

I have read or heard from successful authors that they have to be as faithful to scheduled work hours as if they had to go out to work even if they work at home. Since the book, just like the blog, is intended to be for the benefit of all sentient beings, it is well worth my effort and diligence. Up to now my only actions directed toward the creation of the book have been to print out two copies of all the blogs and putting them in a ring binder and sending one of those copies to my very best friend from childhood for his comments and suggestions. The other copy awaits me.

I have no idea how long this will take for me to produce a manuscript to send to a publisher. Neither do I know how to find a publisher who would publish my book, but that doesn't matter until I have something to present. That process starts tomorrow and will last until the job is done.

Karma and Compost

Lately I have had occasion to reflect on how fortunate I have been in this lifetime. At some times I might not have thought so, but I have a different perspective now, a particularly Buddhist one. Furthermore, this American holiday of Thanksgiving encourages one to think about how fortunate one is.
Over my whole lifetime, even in infancy, I have been on the verge of dying although I may have often regarded myself as a hail and hardy fellow. To the Western mind so many close brushes with death and the consequent medical procedures and sometimes rigorous therapies and protracted recoveries are inexplicable. Or else they may be regarded as curses of fate or of some deity. However, for me as a Buddhist it is simply a matter of cause and effect, Karmic causality. In some previous lifetime, perhaps even several, I have done things for which these things are the natural result. These Karmic seeds may have followed across centuries, but they definitely took root in this rebirth.
Furthermore, the conventional thinking I was taught in our Western culture and even that in much of Eastern cultures would regard all these “travails” as “curses,” “bad luck,” or some such undesirable circumstance. For me, however, they are the most fortunate of circumstances, because they “burn up” all of that “negative karma” rather than having it continue to follow me through still more rebirths.
On the other hand, I can also see the positive Karmic seeds that have also come to fruition in this lifetime. I have a “precious human life” with all of the Eight Freedoms and Ten Endowments. I was not born in the Hell realms, as a hungry ghost, as an animal, in a place where teachings are unavailable, as a long-life god (always content and therefore has no motivation for progress), with wrong view (no understanding of karma, and no understanding of past and future lives), where no Buddha has appeared, or lacking the capacity to learn anything. I was born as a human being, where there are teachings, possessing five senses, not having committed heavy negative karmas, able to have confidence in and devotion to the Triple Gem, where a Buddha has appeared, where a Buddha has taught, where the Dharma teachings flourish, where there are followers who enter the pure path of Dharma, and where there is support from the kindness of others, including the spiritual master.
When I was sitting in the room with the relic collection of the Maitreya Project Heart Shrine Relic Tour, I had to reflect that I was fortunate enough to have been with the relics twice already in my present lifetime and on both of those occasions I was there as a volunteer for the whole weekend. Furthermore, at that point I merely had the aspiration to attend once more as a volunteer over the coming weekend. As of this writing, it looks like that aspiration may actually be fulfilled.
As if these were not enough good things to come together in my present lifetime, I was sitting there not only in the presence of such precious relics, a physical manifestation of the great compassion, loving kindness, and other spiritual qualities of Shakyamuni Buddha and these other Buddhist masters, but also as a beginning monk given the immense, incalculable, wondrous responsibility of giving blessings with the very relics of Shakyamuni Buddha. Sometimes my eyes filled with tears and other times it felt as though my heart might burst because of the powerful emotion I felt as well as the enormous energies perceptible in the room and from the relic stupa.
I commented to several people that weekend, and since then, that it is as though all those negative and positive karmic seeds came together in this particular lifetime and landed in compost. They have all born fruit abundantly!! So much negative karma has been burned away and continues to be burned away! Even at this late date in this lifetime, I have not only found the Dharma, but I have been able to devote myself to it and to its service as a monk! I have found a Lama who can guide my spiritual life with enough patience to put up with me and not give up on me! I have had the good fortune to meet not just one but two mahasiddhas in this one lifetime already!
Over the course of the cancer diagnosis, cancer treatment, and the recovery from the treatment, it has been amazing how far a tiny bit of the Dharma has carried me. In spite of the persistence of some of my bad habits, with the guidance and patience of my Lama, I actually am making a little progress, enough that I can perceive the change in me. On the other hand, I remain aware that I am still just a baby Buddhist and a baby monk and the least Drikungpa of all. Nevertheless, there are ways that I can be of service to others and to the Dharma. Nothing I have ever done is totally wasted. Either I have learned skills which find application now to serve or my misdeeds give me understanding and compassion for others. Everything that I do now needs to done with a view to benefiting all sentient beings. That is where its true worth lies. I am most thankful that some little bit of what I do stands up to that test.

Life Changing Events

When we think of life changing events, we usually think of dramatic things such as marriages, divorces, car wrecks, diseases like cancer, deaths of loved ones, or even taking monastic vows. I have had all of those which were indeed life changing. However, perhaps the most life changing event of my life up to now was much quieter but no less profound.

Barely more than two months after being ordained as a “getsul,” a novice Tibetan Buddhist monk, in the Drikung Kagyu lineage, I went to our Boston center to help with the preparations for teachings and empowerments by His Holiness Chetsang Rinpoche, one of the two throne holders of our lineage. In other words he is one of the two top monks in our order in the whole world.

I very much enjoyed the peace of meditation and sadhana practice with the Jowo Rinpoche statue alone. The center was actually very quiet during my first days there, but it was not long before the preparations began in earnest. From that point until the day that His Holiness arrived, each day saw a higher level of activity together with more stress which sadly took its toll on some of the members there. Fortunately, the positive energies of this mahasiddha soon reached us as we became part of the mandala of a bodhisattva's action in the world. Solutions to problems seemed to present themselves with amazing ease. Peace and cooperation became dominant.

When the day of His Holiness' arrival at the center finally came, the welcoming ceremony, which had been planned, now had to be finalized. Persons were chosen for each part of the ceremony. The Khenpo who was arranging these things said that a monk should hold the ceremonial yellow parasol. Since he and I were the only monks present at the time, the honor fell to me, not due to any worthiness on my part but simply by virtue of my ordination alone. However, to put into perspective how great an honor I felt I had been granted, my Lama had been chosen to perform this same function at another location. Furthermore, I could not entertain any illusion that I deserved such an honor when my Lama was still having to correct me on the wearing of my robes.

When His Holiness finally arrived and the ceremony began, I was elated first by his smile as he got out of the car and then by my role in this beautiful ceremony which sought to express how we felt about the very great privilege of his visit. Even now, weeks afterward, the elation has not fully subsided, in part due to the continued opportunities to receive teachings and empowerments from him as well as to just be in his presence. Many Tibetan families in the Boston area invited him to their homes both for the great blessing that such a visit represented and also as the occasion of giving him the offering of their hospitality. Although I was the last and least of all the Drikung monastics, I was privileged to be included in these lunch and dinner invitations. Therefore, I was able to glimpse his interactions with so many different people and to witness his great compassion and loving kindness as well as his perfect equanimity. Furthermore, both he and my Lama were training me as a monk.

At all these homes people were putting before us what they regarded as their best. I was responsible to receive it with gratitude and grace, for their benefit, whether I deserved it or not, whether I liked it or not. Even as the last and least of all the Drikung monks, in this situation I represented all my brother monks especially those more worthy than I. Perhaps the most important lesson from my cancer was that I do not do good things for my benefit alone, but rather for the benefit of all sentient beings. That lesson was continued in the circumstances of my ordination and now in yet another situation.

It soon became apparent to me that Rinpoche's delight in our efforts, our deference and our gifts came not from receiving them for himself but rather from knowing the great spiritual benefit that they are to us. It was one more way that he was taking care of us. Since taking the throne of our lineage, he has worked tirelessly to preserve the great spiritual treasures of its teachings and empowerments as well as rebuilding the monastic and educational life to continue them far into the future. Furthermore, he does not just leave it to others to share these spiritual treasures with everyone. He has traveled so extensively throughout the world and especially in the West to bring this great wealth to a culture which suffers from such a great spiritual poverty. Perhaps his having lived under Chinese Communism and its Cultural Revolution, gives him a particular perspective on the ultimate development of modernity without anything spiritual which in turn shows how deeply we in the West need the Dharma.

As the last and least of all the Drikung monks, it was entirely appropriate that my interview with Rinpoche should be among the last. Furthermore, since I really did not have any questions, it was also fitting that it would be brief. I was able to introduce myself as both an old man and a new monk in our lineage. When he asked whether I was from Boston, I was able to tell him that although I was from Florida, I wanted to spend more time in Boston in the summers to be close to my Lama. He agreed that it would be a good thing for me to do just that.

When he left by car to go to Vermont, I grieved to see him leave, but I also had the opportunity to again see his love for all sentient beings when I saw how he delighted to see the dog of one of the people from the local community. Furthermore, I could look forward to returning to Florida to prepare for his teachings in my home area. I was able to arrive back early enough for the last of the scheduled work days although I was to discover that the work had already been done. Nevertheless, I was not denied the merit of helping in these preparations, because I was given some flowers to repot and I could share my experience from His Holiness' visit to Boston.

I was most fortunate to be able to greet Rinpoche as he arrived at the airport in Tampa and then to attend all the teachings and empowerments. In fact, it was a very great blessing to receive the Five-fold Mahamudra Torma empowerment a second time so soon after the first I received from His Holiness. This is but one more way that my entire time with His Holiness, whether receiving teachings and empowerments or sharing meals or just being in his presence, has been so life changing.

I deeply regret that my age and health kept me from attending the Blessing of the Gulf of Mexico and all beings affected by the recent oil spill which His Holiness did this morning. I have felt so troubled not only by the great loss of life but also by the lack of any uproar over it. At least the local Tibetan Buddhist community could ask for this and His Holiness fulfilled the request out of their compassion for all beings.

Sometimes I forget that the profound awareness of my own mortality that had so much to do with my aspiration to be ordained came from the living experience of surviving stuff for all of my life. From the aortic defect with which I was born through the car wreck that nearly killed me in more than one way to the prostate cancer from whose treatment I just finished recovering, just to mention the big stuff, I have in fact survived to not only find the Dharma but also to commit myself totally to it for the benefit of all sentient beings. The little residual effects of some of these life threatening events are necessary to help me remember.

I am most fortunate to have had the karmic seeds of my past bear fruit in the way they did. Not only has a lot of negative karma been cleansed, but in these circumstances of my life a treasury of experience has been built up to use in the service of others. Furthermore, they helped motivate my monastic aspiration both in order that I not continue to plant that kind of karmic seeds and in order that everything that I am and everything that I have may be committed to the service of the ultimate enlightenment of all sentient beings.

Finally, I have been so fortunate as to meet and recognize two mahasiddhas. How many other people never meet even one or at least never recognize one when they meet him or her? His Eminence Garchen Rinpoche and His Holiness Chetsang Rinpoche are now lasting parts of my life both by the effects they have already had on my life and by the ways that they shall influence and shape my life in the future. Thanks to something mentioned by another Western monastic, I now have the aspiration to be in Dehra Dun, India, or wherever His Holiness is in November 2011. I have no idea how that may be possible, but I must remember that my own ordination happened when it was not expected. Furthermore, if it comes to pass, it shall not be for my benefit alone but for the benefit of all sentient beings.

His Holiness Moves On

After almost a week with us, His Holiness Chetsang Rinpoche resumed his travels, being driven to Vajra Dakini Nunnery in Vermont. His stay here was an amazingly great blessing to all of us. I not only had the opportunity to learn from him in the formal teachings, but I also learned from him and his attendants as we visited Tibetan families in the area. For those families it was a very great blessing to offer him as well as us the hospitality of their homes. It is a good thing that I enjoy butter tea, because I drank a lot of it! More importantly, I saw the great devotion that so many people have for His Holiness and the great loving-kindness and compassion that he has for all sentient beings.

In From the Heart of Tibet, the biography of His Holiness by Elmar Gruber, the author talks about the way in which every action of a bodhisattva is for the specific purpose of fulfilling the goal of bringing about the enlightenment of all sentient beings. Furthermore, taken together such actions essentially create a mandala for that purpose. I have seen the clear non-randomness of the actions of both my Lama and His Holiness. In his teachings he explained that loving-kindness is the feeling that one has upon seeing an adorable baby and that compassion is the feeling that arises when we see the severely disadvantaged or seriously ill or disabled. He said that we need to meditate on these feelings to extend them to all sentient beings. It is evident that he has just such feelings for all of us.

I believe that a most profound change has come about in my perspectives as well as a major development in my monastic life. As part of His Holiness' mandala, I am a vehicle for the expression of loving-kindness and compassion. Furthermore, the phowa practice that is fundamental to my evening practice has a new depth.

I was fortunate enough to be able to have an interview with him, although I did not really have any questions. He asked whether I live in Boston. I told him that I live in Florida, but want to spend my summers up here to be of service and to be close to my Lama. He said that is a good thing. Furthermore, I told him that although I am old, I am one of his newer monks. Finally, I told him that I look forward to seeing him in Florida.

In all the visits to Tibetan families as well as sitting at the dining table with His Holiness' attendants, I found my self immersed in Tibetan conversations. Additionally, after his last teaching, His Holiness addressed the local Tibetan community followed by the chanting of special prayers. In all of this I only understood a word here and there and only comprehended the general meaning a couple of times. Nevertheless, it all felt so familiar. At one point in my stay here, a discussion arose on how best to learn Tibetan. Of course, the conclusion was that immersion is best and several ways of accomplishing that were suggested.

A Gelugpa gelong with whom I correspond on the computer told me, when I informed him of my ordination, to be “prepared of an exciting ride.” This week has definitely been an clearcut example of that. Of course, there were so many opportunities to share the Dharma. Furthermore, I had the chance repeatedly to recall interdependent origination and karmic causality. I am nothing special, merely the result of certain causes under certain conditions, basic cause and effect. From the beginning of this lifetime with its causes and conditions I am growing and changing due to the present conditions which include my friends and my teachers. If there is anything meritorious that I have done or will yet do for the benefit of all sentient beings, it is the result of those causes and conditions which means parents, grandparents, family, friends, teachers, and my Lama. They are truly deserving of the credit!

After this time with His Holiness Drikung Kyabgon Chetsang Rinpoche, he is also one of those who have shaped who and what I am!

His Holiness Arrives

The work kept continuing and the level of activity seemed to keep increasing. Unfortunately, it was hard for everyone to not stress over the amount of work that needed to be done and concern that things might not get finished or might fall short of our goals. Nevertheless, positive energy that I must attribute to His Holiness' giving us his help in our tasks clearly made things happen which might not otherwise come about.

Repairs were happening with amazing ease that I had anticipated to be much more complicated. Volunteers showed up to do tasks that could not otherwise get done. Meals were prepared almost spontaneously even amazing the cooks who prepared them as far as matching the number of diners and suiting their tastes so well.

Nevertheless, it seemed that so much remained to be done that we could not possibly finish it. On the day His Holiness was to arrive rooms still needed to be prepared and matched to the occupants since there are two tulkus and so many khenpos and lamas. We did not have a confirmation from either the Tibetan or the Chinese dancers that they would in fact be here. Hardly any of us knew what our specific role would be in the formal welcoming ceremony.

However, when we had the warning that they were about 30 minutes away, tasks were assigned by Khenpo Choepel. He made the statement that the yellow parasol should be carried by a monk. At that particular moment he and I were the only monastics here, resulting in my being chosen for this role. Unfortunately, the time estimate was a little off. After we had stood waiting for a long time, His Holiness and his attendants and one tulku finally arrived. Since I am shorter than His Holiness and the attendant who walked beside him, this did turn out to be a great exercise in mindfulness and concentration. Nevertheless, I performed my duties without error and felt the great honor that it was to have this role in the welcoming ceremony.

I had planned to be taking lots of photographs of His Holiness' arrival and to give him a small bunch of carnations. I was able to do neither of those two things, but instead did something much more wonderful. It is so hard to express how I felt or even how I now feel. I have been in the presence of a great being and was blessed to be able to serve him.

We are all quite tired, having been moving steadily since we awoke this morning, but we all seem to have a glow about us that comes from having served a mahasiddha. We have received his blessing which is a powerful thing. His great love and compassion for all sentient beings is both obvious and clearly felt. With that our tiredness has a very satisfying, contented feeling to it.

As the last and the least of the Drikung Kagyu monks, especially in the company of such outstanding monastics, I am finding myself more comfortable with the honor shown to me as a monk. For me the key is that I remember that it is not for me personally but rather for all Tibetan Buddhist monastics together. Furthermore, I also remember the eighth precept which prohibits “sitting on a high or expensive bed or throne” which, in part has to do with taking a more honored place. Whether is is a matter of my place in the shrine or temple or my place at the dining table, I wait to be told where to sit unless the place is totally obvious as in the case of being the newest monk, meaning that my place would be the very last.

I am most blessed to be under the same roof with a mahasiddha. I look forward to the time that I will be able to be in his presence and to work for him. Moreover I am most anxious to be able to receive teachings and empowerments. It is as though I were to be taught by Shakyamuni Buddha himself.