"Patience in Patients" or "The Impatient Patient"

Yesterday, I finally had my prostate biopsy. The time that elapsed between the appointment with my Primary Care Provider at which we discussed my PSA reading and my Urology Clinic appointment was mercifully short. It was not particularly a trial of patience to wait for the first step toward finding out whether the PSA value was significant.
In contrast, the interval of several months between a nurse practitioner finding at least one clearcut lump in my prostate and the biopsy which can definitively reveal the true condition of my prostate has been a trial of patience. While I admit that this has been a stressful period, it has not been because of fear of death, but rather occasioned by the lack of opportunity to plan a course of action to deal with the problem. Yet another wait has begun since I was told that the results can take from a couple of days to four weeks and that the time factor has nothing to do with the outcome.
Nevertheless, all of this has served quite effectively to refocus me and restore my awareness of my mortality. This has served to help me remember that there is nothing more important than Dharma practice and no better time for it than now. Furthermore, what more valuable thing may I do with the balance of my life? And this is not about "saving" me but rather about helping all sentient beings on the path to Enlightenment.

Dharma Teachings and Life Lessons

At the Dharma center we did refuge practice and part of it is meditating on "the four thoughts that turn the mind to the Dharma." After leaving the center, as I was approaching the onramp for I-4 East, I saw emergency vehicles on the other side of SR579. A firetruck, an ambulance and a couple of Sheriff Department cars were attending to a motor vehicle accident. Out of my own life experience, I know just how suddenly one of these can happen. In 1983 I almost lost my life in one.
As soon as I see this scene, I am taken back to the words, "thinking about appreciating the precious human life," and "thinking about death and impermanence, that the opportunities that we have now with this precious existence are not going to last," Once again, I am reminded why it is important to study Dharma now not later and to practice now not later. We really can't be sure that we will have a "later" in which to study and practice.

Ngakpa Ordination

I took another step on my Buddhist spiritual path. Tonight I was ordained a ngakpa called "Ngakchang Konchok Jangchup Dorje." Since several of us had taken refuge only days before, Venerable Lama Sonam was apparently merciful enough not to change our newly received names. However, the level of commitment is no less demanding.
The Ngakchang path is less well known than the monastic path, but its "vows" or root samayas, although fewer in number than the precepts for monastics are very rigorous because their focus is interior rather than exterior. The fourteen root samayas are
not to:
1) disparage the Master
2) transgress the Buddha's words
3) be hostile to vajra brothers and sisters
4) forsake loving kindness on behalf of sentient beings
5) abandon the enlightened mind (Bodhicitta)
6) criticize the tenets of one's own or anther's faith
7) divulge secrets to the immature
8) abuse the five components which are primordially pure
9) cast doubt on the Dharma of the Pure nature
10) maintain friendship with those who are harmful especially those who harm the doctrine
11) apply conceptualization to wordless natures
12) belittle those who have faith
13) violate one's words of honor strictly as given
14) disparage women, the source of discriminative wisdom
While I could focus on these and examine each one in turn which would be a worthwhile study, it is perhaps more important to look at the chief reason that drew me to this step. This path is devoted to the essence of tantra, transformation. Nothing is evil except the "three poisons," anger, grasping, and ignorance, but everything including afflictive emotions may be transformed from a negative into a positive. Each of these has powerful energy which can, under the right circumstances, propel the practitioner toward enlightenment.
I am only a beginner on this path with a beginner's understanding. However, I do have a course of study passed down through our lineage and teachers who can teach me.

Taking Refuge

Tonight I had the powerful experience of "coming home" when I "took refuge" in the Three Gems of Buddhism within the Drikung Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism. I am now officially a Buddhist with the name: Konchok Jangchup Dorje, "Three Jewels of Buddha Vajra." I don't know how long I will have that name, because I will be taking Ngakpa Ordination in three days at which time I may receive yet another name.
Nevertheless, I have returned to the spiritual path that I followed centuries ago. Perhaps I did something right in that lifetime or perhaps my teacher from then helped me. In any case I am most fortunate to have this opportunity.
Venerable Lama Sonam answered some of my questions in a private interview which will help me to focus my practice. He is a most precious treasure for us at Katsel Dharma Center.
Tonight I had a small test of my commitment to this path in that after the interview and before the refuge ceremony I received a phone call from a bishop who has been a good friend. I rejoiced at the good fortune he was having, particularly in the area of spiritual growth. However, after I told him that I was becoming officially Buddhist tonight, our conversation ended very quickly. I can only guess how he might see this, but I can still hope that we may be able to still be friends.

The four thoughts that turn the mind to the Dharma.

These four thoughts are so powerful in leading us to study and practice the Dharma:
" 1.thinking about appreciating the precious human life,"
I have clear memories of several human lives that I have lived. Several of them I was deeply involved with spiritual matters even being clergy in some of them. Not only that, several centuries ago, I was even an Indian man in a Tibetan monastery. It has taken me this long to get back to Dharma practice, even having the great good fortune to be born to a Southern Baptist mom who was certain of the reality of reincarnation. And in this lifetime, it has taken me until this late in life. If I don't take advantage of this opportunity, how long might I have to wait for another.

"2.thinking about death and impermanence, that the opportunities that we have now with this precious existence are not going to last,"
At this very moment there is a "lump" in my prostate which is scheduled to be biopsied later this month. It makes me feel my own mortality again. I have had such close encounters with death several other times in this lifetime. Furthermore, I have a clear memory of another lifetime that ended with being murdered by a relative. It is quite clear to me that I have no time to waste, but must direct my energies toward that which is of the greatest benefit for all.

"3.thinking about the laws of karma and cause and effect, in other words how our behavior affects what we experience,"
I have the very great good fortune to have a clear mental picture and intuitive understanding of karma, simple cause and effect and effect and effect, rippling through time until we encounter the effect again. It matters little whether we are talking about this lifetime or another. Isn't it just in our best interest to try to ensure that those effects are good ones when we encounter them in the future?
I sometimes wonder why t his isn't clear to everyone. Then I remember how often I've acted as though I didn't understand it as I do.

"4.thinking about the disadvantages of samsara, of uncontrollably recurring rebirth."
When I have such clear memories of several past lives, this seems self evident, especially because I know I only remember a few and only the human ones. How many lifetimes have I lived? What have I been in them, only human or, more likely, every kind of sentient being?
There is something that I can do about this, no only for myself, but also for all of us. 2500 years ago, Lord Buddha, laid out the path to enlightenment for every one of us. We just have to do it, without quiting.

Bearing all this in mind, how can I not turn myself diligently to the study and practice of Dharma? Is there anything better than becoming a monk that I can do with the rest of my life?