Journey Through Cancer Chapter 3

Sometimes we can have all the tools we need and even know how to use them, yet when the need arises we fail to use them. A few days ago I let the stress of my present circumstances overwhelm me. Instead of turning to meditation or mantra recitations, I wound up with angina pains for the first time in a very long while. Fortunately, I did eventually begin meditating, watching my breathing, and the pain went away. However, with right view and maintaining the practice I was supposed to be keeping, this was totally preventable.
Today, October 9th, I had my first appointment at Radiation Oncology with Dr. Zachariah and his nurse, Joyce. We discussed the plan for my treatment which will begin sooner than previously expected. It seems that current research indicates no benefit from hormone therapy for patients receiving beam radiation treatments. On the other hand, it could have produced unnecessary side effects, even exacerbating coronary artery disease which I have to an as yet mild degree. Just incidentally, now I don't have to face the development of "man boobs" and I get a reprieve from E. D. ("erectile dysfunction"). Of course the doctor and I did discuss the reality that 35% or more of the men that get radiation therapy eventually have E. D. from the radiation itself.
The radiation alone has a daunting set of its own side effects. These start with the relatively minor sensitivity or irritation of the skin through which the beam passes. From there we move through a series of consequences to the bladder, urethra, and rectum which range from minor to very serious. Already having urinary symptoms, I can expect them to get at least a little worse, but hopefully well within the range that other meds can give effective relief. Of course, any discussion of side effects has to be weighed against the results of the cancer spreading to other organs and tissues. While I'm not particularly worried about dying, I'd really rather not have to deal with cancer loose in the rest of my body.
My scheduling takes into account my commitments at Florida Pagan Gathering. I get to do my own workshop and my workshop jointly with my sister as well as fire-tending for Grey Ghosthawk and being "tech support" for my sister's workshop. My next Radiation Oncology appointment after FPG will be for a CT scan called "3-D Simulation" whose purpose is to figure out the shape, size and position of my prostate that we are targeting and the locations of other structures that we don't want to expose to these levels of radiation. Unfortunately, my severe allergy to the "contrast medium" may make this a little less precise, because these things won't stand out as clearly in the CT images. Although I had expected that they would premedicate me against the allergic reaction for this test, Dr. Zachariah considers the risk of my stopping breathing unacceptable. ;-) I kind of agree with him because I have a few more things to do in this lifetime like attaining Buddhahood for the benefit of all sentient beings.
From this test they will calculate the precise positions of the beams to maximize the exposure of the cancer and minimize the exposure of adjoining tissues and structures. Since, at this stage, we assume that the cancer is confined to the prostate, we will blast the h--- out of it and try not to damage my bladder, urethra and rectum. At my age and being single, it would be no great loss if my supply of sperm suffered annihilation, but they try to protect them too. :-)
On December 2nd, I go in for my first treatment session of around 42. Thereafter, Monday through Friday, except for Federal Holidays, I go in every day until all those have been completed. Interestingly, after all the years that VA doctors have been urging me to lose weight, I have been instructed neither to lose nor to gain weight once the treatments have begun until they are all finished. If my weight should change, the targeting of the radiation beam could be incorrect. That could result in too little radiation on the cancer and too much on healthy tissues.
From this point onward, my personal efforts need to be two-fold, maintaining my spiritual practices and promoting the health of healthy tissues and organs. For both these programs I have the help of friends and family. My vajra brothers and sisters provide encouragement and support in my practice of the Dharma. My sister is trying to keep my diet oriented toward the needs of my healthy organs and tissues. While this is not likely to be an easy process, I have all the resources that I need for this journey, whether it is someone to drive when I'm not up to it or a place to spend the night when fatigue makes going all the way home between treatments more than I care to do.