Journey Through Cancer - Chapter 7

Yesterday, I took another step toward starting my radiation treatments. In fact, my next appointment will be for my first radiation therapy session after a follow-up X-ray. What was done yesterday is called a “simulation,” a special CT scan to enable the oncologist to determine the position and size of the tumor(s) as well as the significant organs and tissues. This also provides the data for the physicists to calculate exactly how to deliver the necessary dosage to the tumor(s) and they will cast the metal shielding that controls the beam of radiation.
For this scan, I needed to have a “comfortably full” bladder which is an oxymoron for a man with an enlarged prostate. Nevertheless, I did find that the best strategy for that is to empty my bladder as soon as I arrive at the hospital (usually necessary anyway after my drive from home) and then to drink about 24 ounces of water which is what I managed to do yesterday. Since that is what brought my bladder to the specific size that it was for the scan, that is now the course for preparing for each radiation treatment.
As a result of this “simulation” I now have my first tattoos.;-) After the techs determined from consulting with the oncologist that their marks on me were correctly placed for aligning the linear accelerator, one of them put a drop of India ink at each point and used a hypodermic needle (without a syringe) to put it into my skin. Unfortunately, even knowing about where they are, I can't see them in a mirror or even in digital pictures that I try to take of myself. They are kind of disappointing for my first tattoos :-( I guess the techs and the machines will find them when they need to.
Also, yesterday, the psychologist who runs my “aftercare” group at the Mental Health Clinic called to set up an alternative, because my radiation therapy sessions are scheduled at the same time as the group meets. He scheduled me an appointment with Psychology intern in order to have a continuing support during the course of my cancer treatment.
I am most fortunate to have the quality of medical care that is provided for me at no cost to me. Indeed, you might say that I already paid for it with my honorable and voluntary service in the U.S. Navy. Not only do I have good care, but I also have a lot of support as well.
My sister bought me what she called “a late birthday or early Christmas present” of a blender specifically designed to make drinks like “smoothies.” I have already tested it on making a frozen protein drink according to the recipe that my primary care doctor gave me, except that I skipped the protein powder rather than open that so early. With the requirement that I neither gain nor lose weight from the weight that I weighed-in at yesterday, these shakes can keep up my nutrition even when I am so nauseated that food is repulsive. I can just slowly sip on a tasty cold drink through as many hours as it takes to finish it. I even brought up to my oncologist and his nurse that I might use this as part of a weight loss program after my treatments are finished. They agreed that might be worthwhile.
I also move forward with my adjunct alternative therapy program. I rewrote a guided meditation “Journey to the Wise Healer Within” which I found in a book on breast cancer to be more directed toward my having prostate cancer. I will record it onto my laptop in order to be able to play it back to myself in my bedroom. In addition to this, I continue to keep up my intake of Brassicas and seaweeds and mushrooms. While I do enjoy all my greens as well as the broccoli sprouts, some of the seaweeds are not so tasty and I definitely do not like reishi mushrooms at all. In this area, hijiki is palatable in my “enhanced” ramen noodles and shiitake mushrooms are quite delicious, but I can only say that kelp is best kept to things with strong flavor especially with plenty of garlic ;-)
My nightly use of my comfrey salve (that turned out to be really a thick oil because I didn't use enough beeswax in it) probably won't necessitate replacing all of my underwear because there probably won't be enough of a cumulative green stain with less than two weeks until the radiation therapy begins. At that point I have to use only water-based moisturizers on my skin, and the doctor is prescribing their preferred one. However, I may still use pure aloe, especially if there isn't any on the ingredient list of the prescribed one.
As far as my spiritual preparations are concerned, I am trying to alternate between White Tara and Medicine Buddha practice daily, if not the full sadhana, at least the short practice in the prayer booklet from the Dharma Center. I am also trying to start daily offerings as part of my practice. Added to this, I am fortunate that I shall be participating in an animal liberation ceremony this coming Saturday. Not only is this an occasion of “accumulating merit,” but also an opportunity to expose non-Buddhists to our ways and help them, even if only in the tiniest degree, toward their own enlightenment..
The most phenomenal blessing for me at this time is that Lama Sonam will be here teaching before I begin my treatments. The incredibly fortuitous timing in his visit includes the fact that he will be leading Ngondro Training and Practice Retreat on the weekend before my very first treatment session. While my present circumstances can force me to focus most of my attention and exert most of my energies on medical matters, the most important things in life, whether normal or under stress, are spiritual training and practice and intentions and actions.
Last month I celebrated my 59th birthday and only just this year started serious Dharma practice. I have wasted so much of this lifetime and have to be propelled onto the path by another reminder of my own mortality. However, at least I realize that there is no better way to spend the remainder of my life than in service to the Dharma and working toward the enlightenment of all sentient beings. Now I have to go through what I have to go through and survive in order to live long enough to be ordained and be of service.