Journey Through Cancer - Chapter 8

This has been an eventful week in my walk through this process and my spiritual development.
On the practical side, not only did I have the “simulation” CT, but I spent time with the Radiation Oncology department social worker. She verified that I am eligible for travel pay for my appointments after my mileage exceeds the “deductible” for the month. Furthermore, she gave me the information on other resources available to get me to my treatments. I am most blessed to have the support that I have.
On the spiritual side, I finally added to my practice daily offerings which I was supposed to begin shortly after Venerable Lama Sonam was here the last time. At least I have started it before he gets back next week. I guess when I finally get to doing the daily practice that we set out as an ideal when he was here, it will be time to do something more or something different.
Furthermore, this past Wednesday not only did I see the social worker but I also was able to get to the Dharma Center for practice. There is something very comforting in doing any practice with my vajra brothers and sisters. This is part of what is meant when we say, “the precious Sangha is the supreme guide.” Sometimes they don't realize the significance and importance of the things that they say and do and what it helps me to remember or recognize.
When the KDC president reminds us that Venerable Lama Sonam will be here next Wednesday, he may not know how much encouragement that it gives. To keep my spiritual focus at this time is not easy and I need a lot of help to not be overwhelmed by the usual concerns in the midst of all the medical stuff. Furthermore, the mundane details of finances and transportation as well as the carrying out of the alternative adjunct therapies that I am utilizing can easily take up all my attention.
On the other hand, even attending to the practical aspects of supporting the Dharma Center for our Lama's visit ultimately is part of my spiritual practice. It relates both to my affection for and trust in him and also to my helping all sentient beings to attain enlightenment. These are things to which we repeatedly refer in our prayers, but this is the application of those words in action. Furthermore, we get the opportunity to examine our motivation in doing this, because doing the right thing for the wrong reason contains no merit even if it may bear other accidental benefits.
I am inclined to think of motivation, because tomorrow afternoon I shall be assisting in a ceremony of “liberating animals from the danger of death.” In this, one of my responsibilities will be reading the part on motivation somewhat like a guided meditation. While there is much merit in the practice of such a liberation, it is dependent on our motivation. Furthermore, since there will be non-Buddhists present, it will be important for them to understand why we do such a thing. It isn't some nice quaint little thing that we do, but rather something of great significance that arises from our understanding of the cosmos and the relationship of all living things. Furthermore, this relationship is not abstract and impersonal but rather very practical and very personal. When we refer to “all mother sentient beings,” we really do mean that, in the great cyclic nature of time and rebirth, every sentient being that we encounter in this life has at some time or other been our mother, our father, our sister, and our brother. Thus we can sincerely wish for them a human rebirth during which they can have the same opportunity for enlightenment that our human life affords us.
In all of this I am fully aware that I am unqualified to teach, but I can still share with others my faith and my practice with the spoken or unspoken disclaimer that I am only a beginner not a teacher. Instead, I would point anyone with interest to my teachers. How else can I truly help others toward enlightenment, toward Buddhahood?