For quite some time whenever I go to the VA hospital ER or Urgent Care Clinic, I pack what I call my “ just in case bag” in case I get admitted. I want to be sure that I have plenty of clean underwear and books and other things to keep me occupied. For my last unscheduled visit to the VA, I again packed my “just in case bag,” but choices and priorities were different. This time, besides the underwear, I focused on my needs for daily practice. I packed all my practice texts, my prayer wheel, a photograph of the Jowo Rinpoche statue, and my laptop. I decided that if I were admitted, I would get eight medicine cups from the nurse to be able to set up my daily offerings on the night stand.
Although I was fortunate enough this time to not have to be admitted, this has served to give me the chance to make decisions for my preparations based on my newer spiritual situation. This does add to my comfort level with regard to future admissions especially after my ordination. Incidentally, it also reminded me that I had told my root lama that I would be contacting the local hospitals to be the contact point to get proper spiritual care for Buddhists of all traditions. Although I can only provide limited care myself, I can find those who are more qualified than I.
I have become more aware of the matter of doing things at their proper time with regard to “ auspiciousness,” especially based on Tibetan astrology and Drikung Kagyu traditions. Already I have experienced the effects of such considerations. I was talking on my cellphone with a friend about some “outreach” activities in various areas, but we kept losing our connection. When I looked on the calendar, I noticed that it was an inauspicious day for “community events.” On the other hand when I got together with a few non-Buddhist friends for an Achi tea offering and Dzambala water offering on a day that was auspicious for “protector puja,” they were deeply moved by the practice. While I might regard this as an illusion, the Tibetans have been using these a very long time. I plan to get a actual practice calendar soon.
As it developed during my radiation treatments, I started carrying around a new version of my “just in case bag,” instead of being the necessities in the event of hospitalization, rather it was in the event of a urinary incontinence “accident” requiring a little clean up and change of clothes. I am now modifying my usual “just in case bag” to handle “ accidents” because of the bleeding which still has not gone away. Such occurrences are a real possibility since they have already happened while I was at home which is convenient, but would be most inconvenient outside of home. In keeping my appointment with my primary care physician I brought the “just in case bag” that I had packed for my ER visit last week although I really wasn't expecting to be admitted.
However, spending almost all day at the VA and killing time between things, there is too great a risk of one of those “accidents” not to have a change of clothes with me. Furthermore, I need productive ways to spend my time. At least I can do a little writing like this or spend time chanting mantras and turning the prayer wheel. All of those things are preferable to sitting and watching television which I no longer even do at home. I even got the chance to test a laptop that I've been refurbishing. Unfortunately, it seems to need a thorough toothbrush and alcohol treatment, because it is very unreliable. Later I found out that its problem was that the battery won't hold a full charge.
I even had a little time to get to a couple of thrift stores and had the good fortune to find a maroon T-shirt and a golden yellow one at 88 cents each, but both were half price. The total for them with tax was 95 cents. Two more shirts for daily wear after I am ordained bought at a bargain price!
I met with the weight loss nurse and got the good news that I am nearing the threshold of getting under 200 pounds, now weighing 202 pounds. There is no reason that I shouldn't expect to be down those two more pounds or more by the end of August.
My current circumstances are such a mixture of positives and negatives. The positives help to keep my spirits up and my outlook one of expectancy. However, the negatives serve to purify a lot of negative karma which is a very good thing after all. I had the occasion to discuss just this with a friend who is also having medical problems together with his wife both of whom have had surgeries this year. We talked about the positive aspects of having a life threatening condition corrected and also having negative karma purified by the whole experience including the recovery time with which we are sometimes so impatient. Furthermore, for myself, I have to remember that I am doing this not only for my own benefit but also for the benefit of all sentient beings.
As I wrote before about the prayer “ Using Wisdom and Courage,” “'If I am supposed to get sick, let me get sick, and I’ll be happy. May this sickness purify my negative karma and the sickness of all sentient beings.' The cancer with which I have been dealing these many months is just the result of karmic seeds planted in a previous lifetime. It is just pure cause and effect. Nevertheless, it purifies that karma and can even purify other negative karma especially if I can make it benefit others. I can do just that not only by dedicating it to others just as we do with meritorious actions but also by sharing the journey in ways such as this blog.” Yet another way that all this may benefit other sentient beings is through being on call with local hospitals. Before this week is out I'll take care of that.
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