Driving on I-4, I was passed by this cute little red sports car doing more than 80mph, not an unusual occurrence out there. However, as it passed I noticed the little fish symbol with a cross, proclaiming the Christian faith of someone associated with that car. Of course, that might not have been the driver, but it nevertheless creates a paradox in the messages from one vehicle.
First of all, the symbol announces proudly someone's Christian Faith. However, it strikes me that driving a bright red BMW sports car is rather contradictory to Jesus' message of humility and self-sacrifice. Furthermore, that style of aggressive driving also conflicts with the gentle Jesus' teachings about the first being last and the last being first.
Life has taught me that we all have the problem of the difference between the teachings of our Faith and how we practice it. However, my experience has also taught me that most of the benefit that we derive from our Faith only comes from our practice of it not from the aspects of it that are purely theoretical for us. This applies no matter what faith a person follows.
Throughout the course of diagnosis, treatment, and recovery that I've lived with regard to my cancer, it is the practice of my Tibetan Buddhist faith that has helped me. The teachings were there for me to learn, but it was in the application that I found their benefit. The knowledge of and empowerment for Medicine Buddha Sadhana practice did not help me until I started the practice myself even on days that I could only do an abbreviated practice. Furthermore, teachings on impermanence, rebirth, karma and so forth benefited me not when I read them but when I contemplated them and found their applicability to the very circumstances of my life.
It is precisely in this interaction of our life with the teachings and practice of our faith that we find the help that we need. Furthermore, that is also where we find our spiritual growth. It may not turn us into a Milarepa or an Ananda, but leads to growth in that direction. However, nothing would be gained by my only appearing to be a Tibetan Buddhist. Instead I believe that that would be more likely to sow the seeds of negative karma which would bear very disagreeable fruit in the future.
There is enough time and energy in my present life that has to be devoted to purifying such karma from all the past. I don't need to build that karmic debt any more if I can avoid it. Perhaps the consciousness of this has something to do with my finding great benefit in the Auspicious Smoke Ceremony in addition to Vajrasattva Sadhana practice. Furthermore, I have also become more aware of the days such as New Moons and Full Moons when the merit of practice is multiplied.
When I think back to the speeding driver who inspired the start of this article, I can only pity him or her for the consequences of potential harm being done. I cannot hold anger toward such a one especially realizing the ignorance that underlies such actions. Just as I have heard that Buddhist monk's robes might save one from nonvirtuous actions because one would not want to bring dishonor on the Dharma, perhaps we should all regard the other signs of our Faith such as malas and prayer flags in a similar manner.
I have just had my six month follow up appointment with the oncologist. While I had already heard that my PSA test result was 1.0, it was still good to hear from him that we were on track to finding the tumor completely gone. However, because of the radiation after effects that I am experiencing and the fact that I am scheduled for a colonoscopy, my next appointment in RTU will only be three months away. In that way, he can review its results and be sure that I don't have anything else significant that needs treatment.
More important than any medical condition or treatment with which I may yet have to cope, I have to remember just what spiritual practices and perspectives have brought me this far through the diagnosis, treatment and recovery. I need to still remember that all of this medical stuff is the karmic result of my own actions in the past. Furthermore, just as all that has gone before in this “Journey Through Cancer” not only purifies my own negative karma, but also can benefit all sentient beings, the continuing medical issues can do likewise if I maintain my spiritual practice as well as allow it to grow.
I need to keep up doing daily offerings even if I can only do it as the eight bowls of water. However, I need to strive to do the more extensive offerings that I have begun. I am not so advanced a practitioner that I can replace the flowers, incense and food with visualizations although I can expand on them with it. I still feel better giving Achi Chokyi Drolma the first cup of tea for the day. Furthermore, compassion for those who are currently suffering in the current economic conditions motivates me to do Dzambala water offerings very often, because I know too many people who are unemployed or under-employed.
At the same time, it is not coincidental that the first Tibetan Buddhist thing that I attended was a Medicine Buddha retreat or that the first event when I went to Drikung Meditation Center in Boston was a Medicine Buddha empowerment. Furthermore, not only does it seem right to me to do the full Medicine Buddha Sadhana practice as often as I can, but also doing the abbreviated practice most of the times that I can't do the full practice enables me to do some Medicine Buddha practice very often which has been recommended to me by several Tibetan Buddhists people who have also gone through cancer treatment.
Nevertheless, I still need to find ways to be of service to others, because this has been an important aspect of this journey. Indeed, it is the key element that makes all of this something more than the working out of my own Karmic debt, making it an occasion to be of benefit to all sentient beings. Compassion and Bodhicitta are the repeated and continuing messages of all our teachers. In fact, I couldn't count the number of times that H. E. Garchen Rinpoche stressed it in just one weekend of teachings.
“By the virtues collected in the three times, by myself and all beings in samsara and nirvana, and by the innate root of virtue, may I and all sentient beings quickly attain unsurpassed, perfect complete, precious Enlightenment.”
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