Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 72 – A Follow Up

Last Monday, we had another of what I have come to call our “arc welding” sessions. This time the sedation was sufficient that I did not remember anything about the procedure itself. However, it seems to have been effective enough at cauterizing the bleeding lesions that I have not had an actual episode of bleeding since, although there was a trace of blood in one bowel movement. Of course, I am having to deal with the irritation that it causes in the treated tissues. This makes for a little more frequency and urgency to bowel movements. However, even that is diminishing each day.

On Wednesday night I actually made it to the Dharma Center for the first time in months. It felt good to be there even though I had to sit in a chair rather than on a cushion on the floor. Unfortunately, Sunday afternoon I was not doing well enough to make it there, but this was due to the flare up of my arthritis on such a cold day. Nevertheless, I did manage to start the preliminary steps toward creating an image for a collage that could be sold to support our Dharma Center. Right now it looks as though I will not be able to get what I want by creating it totally digitally, but rather will create the constituent images digitally and print them as photographic prints and assemble them as a mixed media collage on either canvas or wood.

Once again a part of my diverse life experience is finding a new usefulness in the service of others. It seems that nothing I have ever done is totally useless or devoid of value if I apply that experience with the right intention and motivation, taking care that I strive to keep ego out of it. Even episodes in my life of which I am rightly profoundly ashamed, about which I would not speak, serve to make me more compassionate toward others despite their misdeeds and nonvirtuous behavior.

Later this month, my sister and I plan to attend a talk by His Holiness the Dalai Lama. As an emanation of Chenrezig, the Bodhisattva of Compassion, his chief message is for us to be more compassionate toward all living things. This is the context of all our Tibetan Buddhist practice, beginning each session with developing the right motivation and ending by dedicating any merit to the benefit of all sentient beings.