Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 73 – The Satisfaction in Small Accomplishments

Since I began my radiation treatments in December 2008, I have experienced a decline in what I was capable of doing. Initially, after they ended I began regaining many abilities. The side effects that developed over the course of the treatments seemed to diminish with time. However, after a further passage of time, what were really aftereffects began to show up. These actually centered on the symptoms of radiation colitis. I began to have a problem with rectal bleeding which could occur at any time with no notice.

In the Fall of 2009 we began a series of procedures, beginning with a colonoscopy, to diagnose and treat the lesions that were found. There followed a couple of flexible sigmoidoscopies with the last being, Monday, February 1 ^st. There has not been a single episode of bleeding since that day. As a result I have been able to do things that I had not done for some time.

I attended Meditation practice at the Dharma Center two Wednesdays in a row. I even managed to change the oil in the van, after months of not being able to do any kind of mechanic work. Furthermore, for Brigid's Fire at All World Acres, I was able to fulfill my duties as Fire Tender for the Sweat Lodge ceremony, albeit with a little help from two very good friends.

These developments bring such great satisfaction because they represent such significant improvement in my condition and a return to normal capabilities. Perhaps more importantly, I am again finding ways to be of service to others which I had not been able to do for far too long. Whether it is simply by being part of my sangha, Katsel Dharma Center, or by trying to help raise funds to meet its needs, I am returning to a level of activity that has been long overdue.

Furthermore, my sister and I have been able to get tickets to attend a talk that His Holiness the Dalai Lama will be giving next week in Davie, Florida, and we have a real possibility, indeed probability, of actually getting there. This would have been an impossible drive for me to make just a few weeks ago. Indeed, I could not even be sure about it when we bought our tickets, but I had to act on faith or fail to get the tickets because they sold out rather quickly.

I am also making plans to attend a retreat in Gainesville next month. This is yet another opportunity that did not exist for me such a short time ago. Although there are matters which still have to be worked out, such as being able to afford it, I am now physically capable of attending. Nevertheless, an opportunity for training in Phowa practice is such an important way to prepare to be of service to all sentient beings that I cannot let it pass without trying my utmost to get there.

All the experiences of my life, all the times that I have survived, all the lessons that I have learned, and all of the Dharma teachings that I have received have their true value not in my enlightenment if that should ever come, but in my service to all sentient beings.