FPG Beltaine 2008

I had a most wonderful overall experience at FPG Beltaine 2008. I met a lot of fascinating people for the first time and spent time with others I have known. On top of this I got to spend time with still others that I seldom get to see.
There were also some very powerful spiritual and learning experiences, some of which extend beyond the festival itself. Thursday morning, I went with Grey Ghosthawk to gather willow to build the sweat lodge. While we were at one location, I noticed that a solitary vulture was perched on one of the high voltage power poles watching us. After a while I started feeling a little funky, because in my hurry I hadn't eaten any breakfast or taken my morning medications. Ghosthawk told me to sit in the truck for a little while and I started drinking some grapefruit juice that I had bought. While I was sitting in the truck, I noticed that the vulture had flown away. We joked that he had been thinking, "If this fool keeps doing what he is doing, we are feasting," but when I sat down and drank the juice, he thought, "Oh s__t, I have to go hunting."
Thursday afternoon while the sweat lodge was being built I began preparing for building our fire, selecting the stones and the first pieces of wood as well as gathering tinder and kindling. After I built the fire and lit it, it started quickly and intensely. In fact, although I usually light the fire from each direction, this one started so strongly that I couldn't get near the west side. Later, while I was tending the fire, going around it to find what was needed, I noticed that after I had gone around more than 360 degrees, the flames and smoke had been following me. I was blessed with an intense vision when I went in to the lodge for the fourth round. After the lodge and a shower I went to the fire circle wearing only a sarong. I was so full of fire energy that I did not feel the cool night air or hunger for hours.
Friday morning, as I was having my first cup of coffee in front of my tent I saw two ravens having a territorial dispute with another smaller bird. When the smaller bird seemed to win, the ravens began "arguing" like a human couple: "Why did you pick that homesite?" Also, while I was getting my things together for my workshop, I was able to listen to Gina Estevez's workshop. Although there was a small turnout for my workshops, they were intensely interested. Furthermore, I see ways to improve my presentation, especially with the Hindu ritual.
Friday afternoon I had some health issues come up for which I am most grateful to the Guardians for their care. Unfortunately, that kept me from attending workshops that I had hoped to attend as well as keeping me from building and lighting the sweat lodge fire. However, I did recover in time to tend the fire which Ghosthawk had started. After I had given them the stones and the water and closed the door for the first round, I sat down outside the door. As I sat there, I heard a sound and noticed movement to my right. When I looked, I saw a shadow moving just outside the taped off area. I soon recognized that the shape and its movement belonged to a bear. I thought, "It's 'THE BEAR' (the one we hear about at the camp)." However, as I was watching it, it faded away like mist, obviously a spirit bear. When I was sitting outside the door for the next round, I saw a pair of eyes catching the light. At first I thought this might be an alligator, but I soon realized that at the angle I was seeing them, the eyes could not be out on the lake. After a little more observation, I recognized that, from its size and the way it moved, it was some form of dog, either a domestic dog or a coyote. Since this was the "coyote round," I tend to think that this was a spirit coyote, although I did not notice when it went away. Again I was blessed with a powerful vision which, in many ways, was a continuation of the vision from the previous night.
Like the previous night, after a shower, I went to the fire circle. There I got body painting by Cadea on my back, a raven and flames.
Saturday morning my Buddhism workshop was scheduled at 9 AM, but I was blessed with a few very intensely interested attendees. Unfortunately, like the previous morning the Recovery meeting was scheduled at the same time in the other room at Bag End. At least I was able each day to greet some of those in the other group which can be very supportive for someone in Recovery like myself with 22 years sobriety..
Later, although I had been unable to attend the other Druid workshops, I did manage to get to the Druid ritual which proved to be a powerful spiritual experience. Ellen Evert Hopman has a powerful spiritual presence about her. I helped Kaos get the fire bowl and set up the fire. During the ritual, as I was giving my offerings to the tree, I felt its spiritual presence most powerfully. Later as I was giving my offering of oil to the fire, in spite of the intense wind that forced the flames and smoke in one direction, when I was upwind of the fire, I saw some of the flames curling toward me as if trying to oppose the wind. I saw the same phenomenon when Kaos, another lover of fire, made his offering. At the conclusion of the ritual, a divination is done to find out whether our offerings are accepted. The answer was that we had been heard, but that the Goddess of Life and Light and the Goddess of Death wanted more offerings in the form of food and drink offerings. While I am accustomed to preparing a "spirit plate," I wondered how I might be able offer libations since I am 22 years sober. The solution soon came to me: When I am next offered a drink, as I inevitably would be, after a brief explanation I should thank the person and pour out the libation. That night, such an opportunity did present itself and I poured out a little of the drink I was offered without making the person the least bit angry about it.
That night the main ritual was so wonderful. It was a beautiful example that size does not prevent a ritual from being participatory nor from raising energy. I joked with friends that we were trying for the record for the number of people in a Spiral Dance. I felt very energized again with fire energy since the Goddess invoked was Pele. However, I was not brave enough to jump the fire. I joked at the time that, at my age, I really didn't want the fertility it might confer.
Then we went down to the fire circle where I again got body painting on my back. This time, while Cadea had provided the paints, we were to paint each other. One young lady, although she had someone else paint her, painted a bear's paw on my back. In turn, I painted a lady I had met through mutual friends. I stated at the time that I knew that I would be painting her breasts and nothing more. However, I was not particularly happy with the fairy I painted on her shoulder, lacking fine enough brushes or thick enough paints. Inspired by the experience of painting as well as enjoying being painted, I think I shall bring my own brushes and paints to Samhain. Although I had joked about using edible paints and such do exist, even chocolate, I'm not sure that offering to paint a lady with them would be well received.
I then divided my time between visiting with friends and drumming. I even danced a little, but mainly I was focused on drumming the sun up. Knowing that I had found pleasure and a sense of acceptance in it before, it seemed a suitable way to combat the negative feelings from all the talk about sex and my exclusion from the actuality of it.