Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 25 – ...3...2...1...GO

I now have only two treatments left. My body has begun telling me, “Enough already!” The side effects of the radiation have been manageable up until now, but they are fast moving toward unbearable. If my treatments lasted any longer, I don't know how well I would tolerate them. I'm glad I don't have to find out now. Nevertheless, despite feeling particularly lousy physically yesterday, I am emotionally uplifted. I even had the chance to enjoy a little shopping that involved planning to do things that I haven't been able to do. I bought cat dishes to start to tame a feral cat that has been coming around and mugs, bowls, and dessert plates to use when entertaining visitors. I was even looking at kitten toys.
I have also been blessed through the course of my treatments to have friends who would drive me to some of my appointments. Even this benefits others, at least insofar as they have the opportunity to practice loving-kindness, compassion, and generosity in a very concrete fashion. At the same time I get the chance to share my experiences and my faith to also benefit them.
Yesterday, after the treatment, the technician asked me how I planned to celebrate when I'm finished. I told her that I really hadn't thought about it. She said that she thought that anyone who make it through their treatments should throw a party. I told her that I'd probably go out to eat. Later I discussed it with my sister and decided that we would check out the new Thai restaurant in town the day after my last treatment. We'll make it lunchtime, because the prices are lower then.
My last treatment day will be a rather full one. After the final radiation therapy session, I will meet with the radiation oncologist and his nurse to discuss the follow-up appointments. Before leaving the hospital for the day, I will have one more session with the psychology intern to discuss my feelings at the conclusion of my treatments and my strategies for coping with the uncertainty of the wait for the tests and their results. Just as the wait between the high PSA readings and the urology appointment when the “lump” was found and the wait between that urology appointment and the biopsy and the wait between the biopsy and the diagnosis and the wait between the diagnosis and the treatment planning and the wait between the treatment planning and the beginning of treatments were all almost too much to bear, the wait to know the effectiveness of the treatments will also be excruciatingly long. Although I must admit that there is the possibility that the radiation was basically ineffective, I have every confidence that I shall survive this cancer just as I have survived so many things already. In 1983 when I had a traumatic tear of the aorta, that injury had a 99.5% mortality rate, but I survived. Currently prostate cancer has only about a 27.9% mortality rate, much better odds. When I had my last appointment with the psychology intern, I told him that although this treatment was no picnic, it was not nearly as rigorous as what I went through in 1983 with not only the torn aorta but also multiple broken bones and requiring not only medical and surgical interventions but also extensive physical therapy.
Beyond this I have had the opportunity for spiritual and emotional growth, just as I had in the previous “brushes with death.” Furthermore, as a Buddhist, I see such experiences as the fruits of karmic seeds planted in a previous lifetime as well as the opportunity to cleanse my karma depending on how I handle the situation. I also see in this the perfect conditions to practice loving-kindness and compassion to make it benefit other beings.