Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 26 – Transitions

In our lives we go through a series of transitions, willingly or unwillingly, joyfully or painfully, intentionally or unintentionally, for spiritual benefit or spiritual harm. Indeed we may regard each day as a series of transitions, from sleep to wakefulness, from home to work, from work to home, from wakefulness to sleep and even dreaming. Between each of these states is a condition which is neither of them but also similar to each of them, essentially a gap. While we think of the “Bardo” as only the transition between death and rebirth, at its root it is every transition, but most especially those that bring significant change in our lives. As Sogyal Rinpoche wrote in the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, “Bardo is a Tibetan word that simply means a “transition” or a gap between the completion of one situation and the onset of another. Bar means “in between” and do means “suspended” or “thrown.”
In my own life I can see the usual transitions of birth, weaning, school, graduation, and marriage. Furthermore, there have been those more personal but still very ordinary transitions like enlistment in the Navy,. On the other hand, there have been those more dramatic transitions like that brought about by the fracturing of a vertebra while drunk which revealed to me how abnormal my drinking was although it took years to bear fruit in continuing sobriety. Similarly, my motor vehicle accident in 1983 brought about the most drastic changes in my life, the most important of which have been spiritual. Some of them have only borne fruit over time.
This “journey through cancer” has been marked by significant transitions as well: the PSA test results that started this process and took me out of a daily existence forgetful of my own mortality, the urology exam that found the “lump” and took me back to the spiritual lessons of 1983, the biopsy which was the first step to a diagnosis and which especially moved me to put into action the Buddhist principles I had studied so long, the diagnosis and treatment planning which set out the approximate course of my future and put me face to face with death once again, and the course of radiation therapy which has fought my cancer and given me an extended opportunity to study and practice my Buddhist faith under both stressful and supportive conditions at the same time.
Tuesday I had my last radiation treatment. It feels so good to be finished even though I know the process is not complete. When I walked out of that session, the lady who gave me a ride that day said that she could see on my face how much happier I was at that moment The radiation has started a chain reaction which has killed many cancer cells already but will continue to kill them for several more weeks.
After the treatment session I had my weekly appointment with the radiation oncologist and his nurse, but a nurse practitioner was filling in for the doctor. She explained that my next appointment will be in three months at which time I will have a PSA test and we shall see how effective the treatments have been. She also explained that the side effects will subside over the coming weeks, but may take four to six weeks to fully clear up. We talked about how fortunate I have been to have had mild side effects, all of which were the expected ones. Some of the guys have worse side effects, some milder, some almost none at all.
Before the radiation treatments started I pursued several alternative therapies as a preparation, but stopped most of them once treatments began. A few I continued throughout the course of therapy. These I plan to also continue for some weeks now that the radiation has finished. The main ones of these will be drinking lemongrass tea and eating my “enhanced Ramen noodles” with their reishi and miso broth and broccoli. Research in Israel has shown that lemongrass tea helps kill cancer. cells Natural health sources recommend reishi and miso for dealing with the side effects of radiation.
After this many weeks centered on my daily appointment at RTU, it will feel strange not to have that focus to my day. However, I told a friend that it also may reduce my fatigue since part of it may come from the stress of this routine. At least that portion should get better rather soon.
In celebration of this latest milestone my sister and I and two friends went out to lunch at the Thai restaurant. Napin Thai, here in Plant City. We had not eaten there yet, but a friend recommended it. Actually, we rarely eat out except for situations of sheer necessity and then normally only at the cheapest places like fast food restaurants. Since I am not yet past the side effects of the radiation, although I particularly like some of the spicier Thai dishes like curry, I had to opt for the mild version of my choice just this time. The meal was excellent and the companionship only served to enhance it. Furthermore, I have already decided that when (notice I say when not if) I get the word at my follow-up appointment that my PSA is low and no lump can be felt, not only will I start wearing my, “I am a cancer survivor” t-shirt, but also I will again celebrate with dining out at this restaurant, but I can order my meal a little spicy.
I realize that I will miss the guys that I saw everyday at RTU, because we had become a kind of community or mutual support group. We would share our experiences, our jokes, even our little tips. This was compassion and loving-kindness in action, both given and received. Just as I had received the recipe for my protein shakes from my Primary Care doctor and an improvement to it from the daughter of another patient, I was able to pass it on to newer patients. Furthermore, as we shared aspects of our lives outside the hospital, we felt genuine concern for each other. We all had this chance to grow in our connection to our fellow human beings.