Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 46 – Plans versus Karma

Wednesday morning I set out from the Center with a certain list of things to accomplish. I was going to visit the office and bike shop of “Bikes Not Bombs,” having been impressed by their practical efforts with a mission of peace and service to others. Having begun some time ago the practice of chanting the Amitabha mantra in connection with the death of an animal and having benefited from the teachings of Lama Gursam, I wanted to attend his animal blessing at an animal shelter. In addition, I had discovered that I had accidentally bought a can of split pea soup with bacon rather than a vegetarian one and decided that I should give it to someone who needed it either directly or through a food bank. Finally, I had a short list of necessities to buy.
Armed with notes from the MBTA “trip planner” I knew just which buses and trains should take me to each destination. Leaving the Center fairly early, I ventured forth to follow the plan to its successful completion. However, the day did not go as planned. When I arrived at the office of “Bikes Not Bombs,” no one was there. Since they are a volunteer organization, they probably can only keep there office open when someone is available. Therefore, I moved forward with my planned day, setting off for their bike shop, thinking that it would be more likely to be staffed. However, I could not seem to find the address, although I had followed the directions from the MBTA “trip planner.” I even asked customer service at the station and other people from the area. None of them knew where “Bartlett Square” was.
By this time my arthritic joints were really hurting me and the thought of much more walking seemed foolish. Nevertheless, I was planning to go on to the animal blessing when I heard the warning tones from my hearing aid. The battery was dying and the replacements were back at the Center. As softly as Lama Gursam speaks, I knew that it would be useless for me to go to the animal shelter, because I would hear very little of the blessing ceremony. Furthermore, considering that I still had to get a few necessary items at the store, I headed back toward the Center.
Since I made my bus connection at Harvard Station, I decided to walk over to Harvard Square, as someone recommended, to find someone to whom I could give my can of split pea soup with bacon. The first fellow who approached me panhandling said that he couldn't heat it and couldn't eat pea soup anyway. However, when I saw a man sleeping on a bench with all his worldly belongings beside him, I offered the soup to him. This gentleman raised up and thanked me for it saying, “It's my favorite.” It seems that it was his karma to have the soup given to him and mine to find him to give it to him. This moment of active compassion needed both of us to be there at that place and time.
As I rode the bus back to Arlington, I thought about how the day had developed and realized that perhaps the most important thing in the day happened in Harvard Square. Everything else may have been good to do, but it did not measure up to that moment. Just like Carmen had helped me see at the beginning of my radiation treatments, it mattered most how I lived the Dharma. That is what brought me through it all with my faith intact and at the same time enabled me to be of service to others.
Further reflecting on the day, I also realized that there might have been a second important aspect of the day that had earlier escaped my notice. From the time that I was walking to the first bus in the morning, I seemed to be chanting mantras softly, under my breath. The first one seemed to start of its own accord, as did a few others , but others were merely a matter of singing along with my MP3 player when I was playing it. Another thing that I noticed often through the day was that many of the people that I saw on the buses and trains seemed to be in pain, unhappy, or otherwise suffering and I was moved without thought to feel compassion for them. They didn't know any way out of their pain any more than I had for so many years. Maybe in some strange way I was supposed to be chanting mantras for them. At least we are supposed to be doing all of our practices “for the benefit of all sentient beings.” Perhaps this was one such way for me.