The day after my ordination, I find that I am again, at my age, learning how to dress myself. I approximated the way Lama G helped me put on my shantab, but I later found out that I didn't get it quite right. Also I am stuck wearing no socks because white and black are colors that I am not supposed to wear and I only brought white socks with me. This part of my new life as a Tibetan Buddhist monk is almost comical.
On the other hand, when I read the Opening Prayers before the teachings, I discovered a new intensity in my praying. Indeed there is a new force I am bringing to them from within me, the greater force of will arising out of my greater commitment to the path of enlightenment for the benefit of all sentient beings. This is something that has grown over the course of my “Journey Through Cancer” from the diagnosis, through the radiation treatments, through the recovery from the radiation therapy. A tiny bit of Dharma carried this baby Buddhist through what could otherwise have been a nightmare, as it is sometimes for some people. The commitment of my vows just builds on this. Furthermore, the intense and concrete sense of my own mortality and the acute awareness of impermanence add even more motivation.
Khenchen Konchok Gyaltsen Rinpoche often talks in his teachings about practicing the Dharma all the time. He isn't talking about sadhana practice in a Shrine Room or Temple, but rather taking our Dharma practice out into our everyday world. In addition, as he was leaving here for a couple of days, not knowing whether he would see me again before I leave for Florida, he gave me some parting words of advice as my Khenpo, my abbot. They covered a range from how to wear my robes to how to be of service by keeping my vows.
As I have gone through my second day after ordination, I find myself having difficulty accepting the honor accorded me as a monk, even the most junior of the monastics here. Nevertheless, I try to remember that I should receive it for the benefit of those who truly deserve it. Furthermore, there are matters of protocol which are now part of my life, at least of the sake of order. Indeed, henceforth my position in any group of monastics is not determined by anyone's “worthiness,” but rather by either being a fully ordained monk or novice monk and according to the date and time of one's ordination.
With regard to my not so new monastic name, the consensus among the retreatants who have been here during the weekdays is that whenever I don't use the whole name I should be known as Venerable Konchok Jangchup since there is already a Venerable Konchok Dorje. Since I have had several name changes for religious reasons already, I don't have a strong attachment to any particular one, although I did start to respond to “John,” when another retreatant was addressed today.
After the day's teachings, I had to go to the store for disposable razors, because shaving my head finished off those I had brought. Although some people have thought I might face some kind of harassment wearing my robes on the street, I have received only positive responses from people if they showed any interest at all. In fact, at one store a young Muslim woman told me that I was the first Buddhist monk she had ever met and that she had wanted to find somewhere to learn more about Buddhism. I gave her the address of the Tibetan Meditation Center since I did not have its telephone number. Just as my Lama has said, wearing the robes creates opportunities to share the Dharma. Of course, I am aware that I only know a little and only have a little of it in practice and thus can only share a little of it,
No comments:
Post a Comment