This evening I went to the grocery store. Although I had only run out of one essential item, I decided that I should make it a regular shopping trip, getting the usual things that I keep on hand. In so doing, I made an interesting discovery: my attitude toward food has changed. It was not so firmly rooted in the attachment/aversion type of feelings, but rather it was closer to equanimity in approaching the choices on a more utilitarian basis. Nevertheless, I cannot claim to have attained perfect equanimity.
The chocolate cake that I bought, in spite of being sugar-free, is not truly utilitarian but rather pleasurable. However, even though a food may be pleasurable, it does not automatically represent attachment unless that is the primary or only reason for getting it or eating it. Nevertheless, despite this particular lapse, the rest of my choices seemed more practical than usual. However, this is more a matter of progress rather than perfection. I have a long way to go to truly attain equanimity.
Perhaps the strangest thing about this experience is that it seems that it may be a result of the weeks of poverty that I recently experienced. During that time I went to the food banks and gratefully accepted whatever I received, having no choice in what it was. Indeed the only choice that I exercised was to trade any meat items to my sister for a vegetarian alternative. I am most grateful that I retained at least this spiritual outcome from the whole experience. However, I am sure that I shall see other benefits that I derive from it as well.
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