Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 75 part 2 – continuing My Two Ages

I recently pointed out or rather pointed toward this story for someone's edification about her situation:
“Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.
“Nan-in served Tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring.
“The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. 'It is overfull. No more will go in!'
"'Like this cup,' Nan-in said, 'you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?'". (from: http://www.angelfire.com/moon/vmsivakumar/Awwzen.htm)
While the lady's situation was of a mundane nature, involving computer problems, she had nevertheless received wise counsel which she chose to ignore deeming her own knowledge superior to that of the experienced computer technician. Just like her and the professor in the story, we may be too full of our own opinions to receive wise counsel. How great a fool I would be to believe that I know more than my Lama!
When I regard my sister's and my own willingness to continue learning new things, I realize that it is of limited value if we merely accumulate knowledge but fail to develop wisdom. Nevertheless, that is just what our culture teaches us to do. Age is not respected and wisdom is not valued. Instead youth is glorified and great efforts and sums of money are spent on trying to preserve it. Furthermore, we are bombarded with messages that acquiring this or that thing will satisfy our deepest needs, while we are kept forever seeking some new thing never being satisfied. If we should gain wisdom, how could we be so easily manipulated?
I just cannot give myself over to the cultural forces which are so contrary to our good. In my own life I have seen that no joy comes from wealth and acquisitiveness. On the contrary I have found that some of my most joyful times have been when I had little or nothing materially, but had the company of family and good friends. Some of my most memorable Christmases as a child were those for which little money was spent and few gifts were exchanged. However, each of the gifts was chosen with great care to be the most suited to the recipient. Isn't this an example of the lesson of Buddhism that true joy comes from seeking the joy of others rather than of ourselves?
How hard it is to free ourselves from the influences that have governed us and our culture so long!! In the 20 centuries since Jesus taught loving-kindness and compassion have any of the “Christian nations” demonstrated such virtues? I know of no examples, but that could merely be my ignorance. However, often they have been demonstrated in traditionally Buddhist countries in spite of the competing forces of hatred and violence. In contrast, even now the “Christian right” supports America's wars overseas.
Likewise the great wealth of America and other Western nations does not seem to increase everyone's happiness or make them more courteous or hospitable. On the other hand, I have been told often of travelers in India finding great joy and boundless generosity among the poorest residents. This is not at all strange to me in the light of my own life experience, because I grew up poor but happy and was taught generosity and hospitality as duties. I was taught that as long as we shared the little that we had with those who had less we would never lack. We were not promised wealth but that we would have enough for our needs. We always did.
As I have gained strength in my recovery, I am again finding that I can be of service to others. I have begun to make preparations for attending a Phowa retreat in Gainesville. In this I am seeking to learn another way to be of service. Indeed in the opportunity of this retreat I have sought a “work-study” position to be part of making it happen for others. Last June when I also had a “work-study” position for His Eminence Garchen Rinpoche's teachings in Boston, I found great joy in working for Rinpoche and serving others.
At his moment I am unsure whether I shall have the “work-study” position for the Phowa retreat. Nevertheless, I intend to go and trust that even without that opportunity I shall have my needs met for this month and learn what I need in the retreat. If I were becoming a Theravadan monk in a country like Thailand, I would depend for my sustenance on the generosity of the local population to feed me on a daily basis. No matter how much I may depend on the regularity of my monthly pension check, I still have to have the same confidence and non-attachment that the daily alms rounds teach. Furthermore, “dana” has both giver and a receiver and without the receiver the giver cannot give. My own pride has often made it hard for me to receive the beneficence of others to meet my needs.
The great wisdom that needs to be remembered is that all this is not about me and my needs, but rather about being of service to others. It does not matter whether that service is doing things for others myself or in giving others the opportunity to gain merit by sponsoring my efforts. It is in just such a way that my becoming a monk can benefit all sentient beings although I am most unlikely to ever be a Lama or much of a teacher of any kind starting at such an age as I am. Nevertheless, I can still serve!