Friday, I felt so much better than I had in weeks that I overdid so much. By the time I got home that night, I was very, very tired. However, the next day I did not sleep late, but rather got a morning start on doing needed laundry. In the afternoon, with s little help from my- neighbors, I was able to finish the installation of the new master cylinder for my clutch. Nevertheless, I did not particularly try to get rest. By the time I went to my sister's house for supper, it was clear that I was profoundly tired and had to postpone the planned visit to the Thai Buddhist temple on Palm River Road.
Unfortunately, the exhilaration of feeling so much better had led to my overestimating what I could do and forgetting what I wrote in the last entry, “I am not ready to resume my normal level of activity just yet.” Furthermore, although we had planned for my sister to come over to help me bleed air from the lines of the hydraulic clutch system, we had to cancel that plan, because this level of exhaustion could result in making a mistake in the process or impair my ability to diagnose another problem with that system.
It has been so easy to let the exhilaration from feeling so much better than I have been feeling since I started treatments to deceive me into forgetting my own limitations. Therefore, I got myself thoroughly exhausted. Fortunately, I recognized my state and took appropriate action, getting rest.
Sunday, I spent the bulk of the day alternating necessities like eating and going to the bathroom with sleep. In the late afternoon, I ran a couple of simple errands and then went to my sister's house for supper and my Tong Ren online session. Now I recognize the slower pace that I must maintain at the beginning and also recognize that this pace can only be increased slowly as I actually recover not merely as I hope to recover.
Monday morning my sister and I will meet for coffee with my very best friend from childhood. Since he lives all the way out in Washington State, we rarely get the chance to see each other. In the afternoon, I shall be going to the VA hospital for an appointment with a nurse practitioner at the Mental Health Clinic. It was she who recommended that I give myself a treat after each radiation treatment and then mark off the day on a special calendar. This has been particularly helpful in keeping a positive outlook throughout my course of treatment.
This week at the Dharma Center, on Tuesday we will be having our first meeting of our book discussion group and, on Friday, we will be having a practice session for Amitayus Long Life and Ngondro practices. I hope to be able to attend both.
Once again, today I have been able to chant more of my daily practice than I have been able to do since very early in my course of treatment. My daily practice needs to grow and develop towards the plan set out in consultation with my lama. In all this I need to remember that it is not only for myself but for the benefit of all sentient beings.
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