For the second time a doctor has cauterized lesions from radiation colitis, treatment of the aftereffects of the treatment of my prostate cancer. A chain of cause and effect and effect and effect. Every cause has an effect and each effect can become the cause of another effect. In just this way, the radiation treatment had the desired effect of shrinking the prostate tumor and the unintended effect of damaging the tissues of my colon. That in turn had the effect of producing the colitis lesions which eventually started bleeding. The treatment of these lesions, while it has had the unintended effect of causing a certain level of discomfort, will hopefully have the desired effect of ending the bleeding with which I have been dealing for all these months.
For the second time, I've tried to get things straightened out for my pension without the desired effect. I had thought that with this latest contact I had found a clerk who not only conducted himself competently but also with great compassion. I had even intended to give his name to the congressman's aide in order to have him commended for his work. However, he failed to call me as he had promised. Nevertheless, Thursday, I shall seek local assistance with my circumstances from the county's veterans service officer and aging services staff. Hopefully, they will help with both the VA difficulties and the financial crisis. Furthermore, I still intend to talk to Congressman Gus Bilirakis' aide within a few days to have him look into the whole matter of the suspension of my pension, particularly why my first call straightening out the address was not sufficient to lift the suspension. While Gus is on the House Committee on Veterans' Affairs, his father had chaired that same committee. I know his dad was very active and effective in working for veterans, but I know nothing about Gus' activities. While I doubt that his influence is as great as Mike's was, I will give him the opportunity. His dad did so much for veterans that the Spinal Cord Injury unit at James A Haley Veterans Hospital was named for him.
Fully understanding that all of this will take time to work out, I realize that I need patience while they proceed. Perhaps this is good practice for me, because I have the aspiration of being a monk. Once I am ordained I might be prohibited from having anything to do with financial affairs, depending instead on a trustee to handle them. While I am accustomed to managing my money myself although not perfectly, such dependence could prove difficult. Furthermore, I had thought that my VA pension income was reliable. I should have understood that nothing is really that reliable and everything changes, no matter how much we may think otherwise. Although as a Christian monastic I practiced “Evangelical poverty,” having made that vow, since I renounced those vows, I am now a little out of practice. This may be part of the practice I shall need to prepare for my new life as a Tibetan Buddhist monk.
Since, because of both my broken truck and my absolute lack of money, I cannot go to FPG Samhain in November, that may be an appropriate weekend to hold a yard sale. At least we could convert some of the things that we have and no longer need into the money for necessities, more of my “liquidating my own estate.” Likewise, we shall continue to go to the food pantry at the local Catholic parish until we get past the current difficulties or we reach our limit of 13 visits this year. We still have things that we can do to continue to survive this. At least I can look forward to the day that this will be resolved and my pension will come, but there are others right now who have much more bleak prospects in the current economy. I need to resume my Yellow Dzambala water offerings for their benefit.
Another thing that involves repetition is that I have to complete and resubmit last week's homework assignment for my Dharmakirti College course. With everything going on I had fallen behind in my studies. Fortunately, I am being given the opportunity to make it up, because the goal of these courses is that we learn what we need and not that we compete for some position or rank. The material covered in last week's lessons is of particular importance to me as a Tibetan Buddhist, “ Tantra,” covering its history and fundamentals. This week may be an even more important subject for everyone's benefit, “Death and Dying in Tibetan Buddhism,” because death is something that none of us can avoid. Nevertheless, if we prepare properly for our own deaths, we may find in its changes provide one of the best opportunities for enlightenment. At the very least, it seems most foolish to arrive at such a momentous event in our experience totally unprepared. Personally, I am sure that this must be my special field of study not only for my own benefit but also for the benefit of others.
I have begun to think that if my recovery from my radiation treatments progresses I should try to make a retreat between terms in my Dharmakirti College courses. I am not sure where or how I may do this. Since the term ends December 11 th, I cannot conceive of going either to Boston or to Arizona, but would need to find a way to make my retreat in a warmer climate. From December 9 th through December 13 th Wat Florida Dhammaram in Kissimmee, Florida, has a meditation retreat. Another option that I may try to set up is something like the “retreat at home” program that Sogyal Rinpoche's Rigpa organization has. In this form I would isolate myself at home, giving my sister the responsibility as my trustee to handle practical affairs, and I would stay in contact with my Lama by telephone or Internet. A third option would be for me to similarly stay at a duplex belonging to a friend, with my sister as my trustee and likewise staying in contact with my Lama by telephone or Internet. Whichever way I do this, the important thing is that this would be my first more or less formal retreat.
No comments:
Post a Comment