Journey Through Cancer – Chapter 14 – Unexpected Turns – Sequel

We often fail to realize the role that ritual plays in our ordinary lives. When something like my recent hospitalization disrupts our daily rituals, we can see better how much we depend on them. With my present radiation treatments my chief side effect is fatigue. My own daily ritual for weekdays has now evolved to be rather simple. After sleeping as late as possible, I rise and have breakfast, do “Daily Offering,” both general and for Dzambhala, take a shower and drive to my radiation therapy session. After my radiation treatment, I collect my travel pay, get gas, and then buy myself a treat of tea or coffee, Thai tea from Boba Internet Cafe, hot spiced chai latte from Kaleisia Tea Lounge, or a good coffee from either Cafe Kili or Coffee 101. When I get to my house, I mark off the date on my “short-timer's calendar.” I follow that with a nap.
In the evening, after supper, I have daily prayers together with at least the short form of White Tara and Medicine Buddha practice. If my strength permits, I do 21 prostrations. At that rate it will take 5291 days to do my 111,111 prostrations for Ngondro practice. When I get my strength back, I'll have to pick up the pace. I then take down the offerings and clean and dry the glasses.
With the effects of the Lasix that I take to keep off the excess fluid that Prednisone is likely to cause to build up, all of this is frequently interrupted by trips to the bathroom. I don't consider meditating or going to bed until after the action of the Lasix seems to have subsided. I give myself ten to twenty minutes for simple “calm abiding” meditation or watching my breathing. I sometimes manage to take a few minutes for this while I wait for my radiation treatments.
While I was hospitalized, this routine was broken up. I had thought that the idea of another kind of medical problem had been the source of my disturbance then, but I am now convinced that it was the disruption of my daily rituals. Even with the way the weekday drive to and from the hospital wears on me, there is something comforting in the sameness of the routine, the familiarity of the commonplace. Furthermore, the coffee or tea treat and the marking of the calendar give me a positive enjoyment to which I can look forward.
Being less than half way through my whole course of treatment and with the increasing degree of fatigue, I know that I will soon need to avail myself of the help of friends who have offered to drive for me. With Christmas day coming and Federal employees being given the day after Christmas as another holiday by the President, we patients are being given a long weekend off from treatments. I plan to take full advantage of the time to rest. My Christmas day activities don't start until 4 PM and I don't plan to stay up late. The day after Christmas being a New Moon, I plan to do a “Liberation of Animals from the Danger of Death” as well as Dzambhala water offering and an Achi tea offering. Otherwise, I plan to rest Friday and Saturday to prepare myself to be able to participate in a “sobriety sweat” on Saturday night. That will still give me Sunday to rest before my treatments resume on Monday.
However, Sunday will also be the first time for me to be able to sign on with the Tongren cancer group online. That will become part of my weekly ritual until the cancer is gone. Somewhere in the course of this long weekend, I want to do Amitayus Long Life practice, possibly turning some small part of the time into my own retreat. Indeed all these practices and offerings are going to be done by myself alone. Nevertheless, as with all of our Tibetan Buddhist practices, they are done not only for my benefit, but for the benefit of all sentient beings.
Likewise this journey is not for myself alone. As I have written before, I realize that it originates in my own karma, but its benefits are not just for the working out of that alone because others can also benefit from it as well. Daily I see the same other people who are going through radiation therapy also. In addition there are new people starting every week. We support and encourage each other. For my next session I plan to take in some pictures to share that a friend sent me, military humor that can be appreciated by other veterans as well. We need to maintain a sense of humor lest things get just too grim.